If You Like Pina Coladas And Getting Caught In The Rain...

That’s the song that was going through my head as I got drenched on my walk tonight. I thought the storm had passed …oops. I walked home as fast as my squishy flip-flops would take me. As I turned the corner towards the house, I could see Steve and the boys standing on the front porch smiling and clapping like I had just run a race or something. Steve and Andrew got back to their X-Box game and Sean decided to join me outside. I stood and watched while Sean did laps around the court in his bare feet and jumped in the puddles. I’m sure the neighbours thought we were crazy but sometimes it just feels good to stand in the rain.

me

The Scale

There is a common misconception by people like myself, that people going through chemo treatments lose weight. There are hundreds of different chemo drugs and some can make you feel nauseous, and therefore cause weight loss. I’m not on those drugs. There was a small part of me that thought maybe I would lose the extra pounds from 2 pregnancies during my treatments. I know, bad attitude, but I’m always trying to look for the positive side. I know that having an appetite at this stage of the game is a good thing as my body needs all the nutrients it can get to repair itself after being poisoned every three weeks. Still, the scale has been my enemy that begs me to stand on it. There’s always the few second before the numbers pop up that I think just maybe my weight has gone down but no luck. I know it’s only about 5 pounds but still with all the poking and prodding, slicing and dicing that I’ve been through, it ticks me off.

Just getting it out of my head,

me

Dilemma

Today Barb came over to cook some more dinners while I flaked out on the couch. I think Steve and I are set for meals for the week. Usually my dilemma would be getting home from work and not knowing what to cook; now my dilemma is what meal do I choose that's already made. What a treat.

As I mentioned earlier, Andrew never gets sick but since I started getting chemo every 3 weeks, he's been sick every 3 weeks. Last night Steve ended up taking Andrew to emerg. Turns out he has an ear infection. Let's hope that's the end of his streak of sickness.

Just waiting for the boys energy to run out before mine so I can get them off to bed.

All for now,
me

Chemo Treatment 3 of 8

Even though my blood counts were lower than those at my last treatment, they still fell within the normal range so I was able to have round three today. Three down, five to go. We were able to use the port today (I wore a v-neck t-shirt in case you were curious) which worked very well...hands free chemo.

Today I brought my iPod and portable DVD player; both of which helped to pass the time (2 hour wait just to get in to see the nurse) and drown out the harmonica man. It appears that many patients enjoy the music of the harmonica man but for me it just makes the waiting more irritating. It's like rubbing salt in a wound. Steve forgot his headphones and offered me $200 for mine, but I turned him down.

I'm not experiencing the lag time anymore that I had between the treatment and the fatigue. It's here, like a bad hangover. Having said that, I think I'll call it a night.

me

Energy

I had a visit with my family doctor today and she took the bandages off from the port surgery. Everything looks good. I must say it’s my favourite scar so far; it actually looks more like a thin scratch.

Today I found the energy that I was hoping to find before tomorrow’s chemo. So I washed the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms and did the laundry. I already got the lecture from my mom, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that. I could have helped you.” My reply was simple. When I have the time, I actually like to clean. It could be the high I get from the cleaners or the way the vacuum drowns out the rest of the world or the fact that I can play my music as loud as I want but I think really boils down to feeling like I’ve actually accomplished something. I know that tomorrow at this time you won’t even be able to tell that I cleaned the house but for a few hours, it makes me happy.

Later,
me

Support Group

I received a call the other day from Wellspring to say that they have enough people to start another breast cancer support group on June 7th. We'll meet every Wednesday for 8 weeks.

As soon as my friend Colleen called to tell me she also had breast cancer, I told her to get on the waiting list for the support group. I remember when Colleen called me back to say that she was number 8 on the list and we only needed to find 2 more people; we were actually excited. We laughed at how odd it was to wish this upon 2 more people. I am glad we will be there together and if it doesn't work out, you'll find us at the movies on Wednesday afternoons.

me

Tube Top

I’m feeling more tired and weak today than I’d like to admit. I’m convincing myself that it’s probably the residual effects of last Thursday’s surgery. I am slightly concerned about this Friday’s blood work and hope that my counts will be high enough for me to have the chemo.

Speaking of chemo, I will be able to try out my new port-a-cath at the next treatment. (Here's a picture of what it looks like http://bardaccess.com/port-arterial.php) I must get to the drug store to buy some Emla Cream which is a topical cream that is put on the skin over the port. This will help numb the pain of the intravenous needle. My dilemma now, as strange as it sounds, is what to wear to the next chemo treatment. The port is on my left side. If you find the midpoint of my collar bone then go south 4 inches, that’s where you’ll find the port. The only kind of top that I can think would work is a tube top but I haven’t worn one of those since I was eight and I’m not planning on wearing one again. If I was in a private room I would just let it all hang out but at the clinic you’re in an huge ‘L’ shaped room with chairs and beds lined up on both sides of the room with little or no privacy.

Thank you to all of the people who e-mailed me after my last posting. I now know that the Marriott Hotel is well liked as 4 different people claim that they could have been the one viewing the blog from the hotel. Tanya T. - As for RSS feeds, Steve’s working on tracking those too.

Good night,

me

Steve's Pet Project

Like Steve didn’t have enough to do; he’s added me to his list of projects. We’ve always been curious to find out how many people view this blog and now Steve’s been able to track not only the number of people but so much more. So, here are some interesting stats for you from Friday. On Friday there were 84 people who viewed the blog; 2 from the UK and the rest from Canada. From there, Canada is broken down by province then by city. Who are the 2 people from Quebec? It gets better. You can also track people by their internet service provider. Congratulations Western, you win top spot with 22 people (who all read the blog on their lunch hour…right?) Who was the person who viewed from the Marriott Hotel? The information is mind boggling…maps…bar graphs…line graphs…etc. but no names, so don’t worry.

I would be interested in hearing from people that I don’t’ know who have read the blog and find out our connection. (You can e-mail me at ksgroves@hotmail.com.) As Steve joked, it will be like playing “Six Degrees of Kim Groves” instead of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.”

Right from the time of diagnosis, I have been very open to sharing this journey with all of you. My ultimate goal is to provide people with an insider’s perspective to breast cancer so they may be able to learn from the experience, provide support to others and remove some of the anxiety for those who may find themselves going along the same path. Feel free to pass it on.

me

Toga Party For One

Yesterday’s surgery went well. We arrived at the hospital at 8:30am and were sent to Surgery Daycare. From there it was the routine that has become so familiar…change into the gown, get IV hooked up and wait. Steve and I met with the surgeon around 11:15am. The surgeon explained the procedure and that I would be given a sedative that would make me feel like I had 2 or 3 glasses of wine...we all know for me, that’s more like 4 or 5 glasses. When I got into the operating room, Dave, a member of the surgical team, said they like to play music during surgery…great. We chose The Rolling Stones; then came the sedative. It was like being at a toga party, except I was the only one wearing a sheet. I was awake through the entire surgery so the doctor would periodically ask how I was doing. The only part of me that hurt was my butt because the operating table didn’t have a lot of padding. When the surgery was over, I was sent to recovery for 3 hours so they could monitor my vitals. I’ll be having a follow with my family doctor next week so she can remove the bandages.

A few of you have asked about the Web site that sells the t-shirts. I’ve pasted the link below.

http://www.planetcancer.org/html/store.php?sec_Id=7

Happy shopping,

me

T-Shirts

I’m happy to report that I’m on the upswing from my last chemo treatment and finding a bit more energy each day. Tomorrow I have an appointment at St. Joseph’s Hospital to get my port-a-cath put in. This is the device that will save the veins in my left arm over the next year. It will be used to draw blood and to administer the chemotherapy. I have to be at the hospital around 8:30am and I think the actual procedure is at 10am. I’m going to be starving by time it’s done since I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. I’m sure I’ll have lots of details to provide you with once I get home tomorrow. Yippee, another scar for my collection.

I think most of you know my stance on cancer; it’s not something I run and hide from, it’s something I turn and laugh at. Having said that, I’ve been introduced to a place that sells some great cancer t-shirts (thank you Andrea/Cathy). Here are some of my favourites. (Prepare for foul language – sorry Nan, Nana, GG.)

CCKMA – Cancer Can Kiss My Ass
My To Do List 1. Beat Breast Cancer 2. Take Over World
F*CK CANCER (no asterisk on the actual shirt)
I Had Cancer And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt
Instant Survivor – Just Add Chemo
WARNING – I Have Received Radiation Therapy. If You Can Read This You Are Standing TOO CLOSE!

I’m not sure I could wear #3 without a lot of explaining to Andrew and Sean. Maybe I’ll pick another one.

me

Genetic Counseling 101

Most people are surprised when they hear that only 5 – 10% of breast cancer is hereditary. The other 90 – 95% of breast cancer is caused by environmental factors. Because I fall outside the ‘normal’ age range for developing breast cancer, my doctors want to see if I have a genetic mutation. Patients who have inherited breast cancer have a gene mutation in BRCA1 (Breast Cancer gene 1) or BRCA2 (Breast Cancer gene 2). I chose to go through with the testing which involves taking blood samples. From here, the test will take 6 months so I should find out the results sometime in October.

There can be a few different outcomes.

1. There is no gene mutation detected, chalk it up to some unknown environmental factor.
2. There is a gene mutation; the cancer was inherited; we do nothing.
3. Same as 2 except we make testing available to my parents to see who I inherited this from. This could lead to testing of other blood relatives if they chose to have the genetic testing done.

Just because someone has a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation does not mean they will develop cancer but their chances of getting cancer are increased. With BRCA1, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 20 – 60% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times. With BRCA2, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 5 – 20% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times.

There are many touchy issues with genetic testing. Some people just don’t want to know, which is completely understandable. Because I already know I have cancer, I want make information available to other family members (if they want it) that could possibly help them. For example, if I did have a gene mutation, other blood relatives would have access to testing for themselves, access to earlier preventative screening and access to earlier treatments.

The other sensitive issue surrounding genetic testing is genetic discrimination. Because insurance companies have access to your medical records, if you have a known gene mutation, you could possibly be denied insurance or be forced to pay huge premiums. I say ‘known’ gene mutation because everyone has some kind of gene mutation; either they don’t know it or scientists haven’t figured out the test yet.

On a funnier note, the genetic counselor went through a series of questions with me when we met. My favourite was, “How often do you have clinical breast exams?” I explained to her that she was the only medical person I had met in the last 3 months that didn’t want me to take my shirt off.

me

Radiation 101

On Thursday I met with my radiologist. I have learned that I will be starting radiation after chemotherapy is done. Unlike chemotherapy that destroys cancer cells throughout the entire body, radiation will destroy any cancer cells that my have lingered at the original site. As with all treatments, there can be side effects which may include darkening of skin, arm swelling, blistering of the skin, fatigue, lung scaring etc. etc. In total, I will be having 30 radiation sessions; everyday, Monday to Friday for 6 weeks. Guess I better get a parking pass for the hospital!

I will meet again with the radiologist in August to plan out the treatments i.e. should I only get the breast radiated or the breast, and lymph nodes under the arm and around the collar bone. I will also be getting tattoos that they will use as markers to ensure that the radiation is targeted at the same area for each treatment. I wonder if I can get smiley face tattoos?

It was great to see everyone at the Year End party yesterday. I must say that your singing has improved tremendously since I’ve been away. (FYI…the card was in the mailbox when I got home…thanks.)

I had the appointment with Genetic Counseling yesterday. Stay tuned for Genetic Counseling 101.

me

Time Management

This is the part of the treatment that I find most frustrating…the fatigue. Basically I find that I have about an hour and a half of energy for the day so I have to consciously decide how to use that time. After the first treatment, around day 5 or 6, I thought I could get a few things at the grocery store. I quickly realized about 15 minutes after I got there that I needed to head back home while I could still drive. It’s frustrating when your mind thinks of a millions things you could do but your body just can’t to it. So, I have to learn to make the most of the energy I have. I like to pick the kids up at the end of the day..there’s ½ hour. I like to go for a walk…there’s ½ hour. As you can imagine, the other ½ hour gets used up very quickly.

Today Steve and I have our initial consultation with the radiologist. Tomorrow will be the consultation with the genetic counselors.

Off for a nap,

me

Dear Andrew and Sean,

It has occurred to me several times over the past few months that Andrew and Sean will probably have little, if any, recollection of me having cancer when they grow up. I can’t say that I remember many things from when I was 4… maybe a few things from when I was 6. So, although this blog is for me and you, I also write it for Andrew and Sean. Someday maybe 10, 15 or 20 years from now, when I think they could use a little inspiration to meet whatever challenges present themselves; I’ll give them a copy. Maybe this will become one of those stories I pull out many times. I can hear the boys now, “Here goes mom, talking about her blog again.”

Maybe there will be a cure by then…you never know.

me

Chemo Treatment 2 of 8

Another round of chemo done…1/4 of the way there. I thought I would walk you through the day just in case you’re curious as to what happens. I had Steve take 2 pictures while I was getting my chemo, one with my hat on and one with my hat off. In the picture with my hat off, the glare off my head looked too bright so I chose the hat on picture. I’ll work on getting a good bald picture on soon.

11:00am
Check in with Clinic II, fill out paperwork

11:30am
Report to Lab for blood work to make sure my blood counts are back in the normal range before I can have more chemo.

12:00pm
Meet with my primary nurse to go over results from blood work. I was surprised to find out that most of my blood counts were better than they were before my first chemo treatment. Take first anti-nausea drug.

12:15pm
Meet with the nurse practitioner who specializes in Breast Cancer. Review side effects from last chemo. In terms of fatigue, they say exercise helps so I need to make sure I get in daily walks. The chemo gives you a really dry mouth. I have to have water beside me at night because I wake up several times a night feeling like there isn’t even a drop of saliva in my mouth. More water = more trips to the bathroom. The nurse suggests I rinse with water and baking soda several times a day to help with the dry mouth.

1:30pm
Check into the “Chemo Suite” (that’s what they really call it). As soon as you get in your chair, the nurse grabs a nice warm blanket to put over you because the room is a bit cool. They keep the temperature down to help with the nausea. The nurse then hooks up the IV and puts hot packs on your arm because the drugs feel cold when they go into your veins. At my next chemo appointment on May 26th, I’ll have the port-a-cath in which will be nice. Take 2nd anti-nausea drug. First chemo drug by syringe through IV then second chemo drug by drip through IV.

3:15pm
Home

That’s how it all works.

me

Random Hair Thoughts

By the end of the day yesterday, I had a bald spot on my forehead the size of a golf ball and the rest of my hair was looking pretty thin. So, I called up my wonderful neighbour with the clippers and she shaved it all off. Below are some random thoughts that have been swirling in my head and some interesting thoughts from others. I thought it would make a nice Top Ten list but I could only come up with 9 things. Here they are in no particular order although I think Sean’s comment would be number 1.

-My head feels like a big cactus except it’s not my hand that hurts when I touch my head, it’s my head that hurts.
-I look like a mannequin without the 20 inch waist.
-I look like Mr./Mrs. Clean…I need one hoop earring.
-My head is like one massive piece of Velcro…my hats will never blow off.
-Sean’s first comment was, “You’re bald. You look funny. Your hair is like Squidward’s from Sponge Bob Squarepants.”
-Andrew just gave me a raised eyebrow smile.
-Steve said that he’s glad I have a nice shaped head.
-I think I could use my head as a giant lint roller.
-It’s breezy when you open the fridge.

Happy 10th Steve.

Love,
me

Shedding

One strong wind and the rest of my hair will be gone!

me

Tour Guide

Since the beginning of this journey, I have been looking for cancer patients my own age to compare notes with. I didn’t expect that one of them would be a friend of mine. On Saturday morning I got a phone call from a good friend calling to say that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. We are the same age and have received similar test results; small tumor with lymph node involvement. I’m still shocked. I know she is reading this and perhaps some of her friends and family are too. Know that I will be a very good tour guide on this journey and together we will make it through. Buckle up…the ride is about to begin.

Steve has said that some women get together to work on scrapbooks; we’ll get together to work on our binders.

All the best,

me