Just a quick update. We've managed to get my appointment with the oncologist moved up 3 weeks. Instead of meeting on April 28th, I'll now be meeting with her on April 7th.
Let's get this show on the road.
me
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
My Trusty Binder
Today Steve and I met with my family doctor to ask some questions and get clarification on terms used in the pathology report from the surgery. I went with binder in hand and it proved to be useful; my family doctor hadn't yet received the pathology report. One of the questions we asked was about the wait time until my appointment with the medical oncologist…should we look at trying to get an earlier appointment in Toronto? She explained that although we could pursue getting an appointment in Toronto, it wasn’t necessary. When you consider that the tumor was likely there for 5 to 8 years, waiting a few weeks to see the oncologist isn’t really concerning. The unfortunate reality of it all is that I can not get in earlier because of the sheer number of people also waiting to be treated.
For those of you who didn’t get an opportunity to see the CBC program on Marketplace: Chasing the Cancer Answer, it is going to be on again this Sunday at 7pm. After the initial airing the CBC received over 2,000 e-mails regarding the program. They said that the average response after a show is 30 e-mails. Since the last airing, The Canadian Cancer Society has provided a response to the show on their Web site.
All for now,
me
For those of you who didn’t get an opportunity to see the CBC program on Marketplace: Chasing the Cancer Answer, it is going to be on again this Sunday at 7pm. After the initial airing the CBC received over 2,000 e-mails regarding the program. They said that the average response after a show is 30 e-mails. Since the last airing, The Canadian Cancer Society has provided a response to the show on their Web site.
All for now,
me
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Creature of Habit
I’ve realized what a creature of habit I am. I like routines. Without them I feel disorganized…must be that control freak in me again. While I’m waiting for the next chapter to begin, I need to create a new routine. I’ve decided to work in the mornings and I have a few ideas on filling my afternoons. I plan to start going to the gym in the afternoons or maybe even start running again seeing as the warmer weather is just around the corner. I figure that this time will be a good opportunity for me to get into good physical and mental condition before the chemo starts. I’ve also decided to check out the resources at Wellspring. They have a Breast Cancer Support Group that starts next month that I thought I might try out. At first I wasn’t interested in any support groups but meeting with the other women at the focus group last week has opened my mind up to the idea. As with any challenge, I find it interesting to listen to those who are more experienced.
This afternoon I organized a binder with all my appointments, test results, medications, genetic testing questionnaires, etc. Along this process I will be seeing several doctors, each of whom will have a separate file on me. I want to have a complete file/binder on me that includes information from all the doctors. As many of you can imagine, the binder is organized with colour coded tabs for each section…that’s the accountant coming out in me and my secret love of stationery. (Laugh if you must but I know I’m not the only one out there. KC, SC, JB...no, that JB is not Jim.)
Anyway, enough for tonight.
me
This afternoon I organized a binder with all my appointments, test results, medications, genetic testing questionnaires, etc. Along this process I will be seeing several doctors, each of whom will have a separate file on me. I want to have a complete file/binder on me that includes information from all the doctors. As many of you can imagine, the binder is organized with colour coded tabs for each section…that’s the accountant coming out in me and my secret love of stationery. (Laugh if you must but I know I’m not the only one out there. KC, SC, JB...no, that JB is not Jim.)
Anyway, enough for tonight.
me
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sometimes I Forget
As strange as this may sound; sometimes I forget that I have cancer. Even typing it now feels like I’m trying to convince myself that it’s true. The initial diagnosis and the surgery almost feel like a dream now. I’m sure that if I started reading the blog from the beginning to end (which I sometimes do), it would feel real again. For now, life is pretty much back to normal, like the past 6 weeks never happened.
Last night we watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. At the beginning of the show they introduced the family and told the story of why this family were ideal candidates for a new home. It turns out that the father has cancer. They talked about how it was affecting all the family members and how he’s coping. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I have cancer. I immediately had this awkward feeling as we continued to watch the show. The only way I can describe it is to equate it to the feeling I’ve had ever since Andrew and Sean were born. Whenever I see TV shows or movies that focus on child abductions, I just can not watch them and always turn the channel. It’s kind of the same feeling watching shows on cancer, except that I don’t change the channel because I figure there is always something I can learn.
Today I went to the announcement for funding from the Canada Foundation for Innovation to support research at the university. Two of the doctors who received funding are researching how breast cancer cells spread throughout the body. There was a tour of their lab after the presentation that I wish I had gone to, but at the time I felt awkward because the attendees at the announcement were mainly the researchers and the press.
Well I’m off to watch the Apprentice to see if my pick in the pool (Andrea), can stick around for another week.
Talk to you later,
me
Last night we watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. At the beginning of the show they introduced the family and told the story of why this family were ideal candidates for a new home. It turns out that the father has cancer. They talked about how it was affecting all the family members and how he’s coping. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I have cancer. I immediately had this awkward feeling as we continued to watch the show. The only way I can describe it is to equate it to the feeling I’ve had ever since Andrew and Sean were born. Whenever I see TV shows or movies that focus on child abductions, I just can not watch them and always turn the channel. It’s kind of the same feeling watching shows on cancer, except that I don’t change the channel because I figure there is always something I can learn.
Today I went to the announcement for funding from the Canada Foundation for Innovation to support research at the university. Two of the doctors who received funding are researching how breast cancer cells spread throughout the body. There was a tour of their lab after the presentation that I wish I had gone to, but at the time I felt awkward because the attendees at the announcement were mainly the researchers and the press.
Well I’m off to watch the Apprentice to see if my pick in the pool (Andrea), can stick around for another week.
Talk to you later,
me
Friday, March 24, 2006
Glow in the Dark
8:53am
I’ve just come back from the hospital where I started the process for the bone scan. Reporting to “Nuclear Medicine” just seemed weird, like I was preparing for some space mission or something. After filling out a questionnaire, I was injected in the arm with radioactive material…not sure what’s in that mix but I wonder if I can glow in the dark now?!?! It takes about 3 hours for the mix to find its way around my body so I’m home for a while then due back at the hospital at 11am.
1:57pm
Well that was interesting. The machine that does the scan consists of a table you lay on which is about 18 inches wide and two x-ray cameras that move around you. (As soon as I laid down on the table, a Sheryl Crow song came on the radio…ironic.) First of all they tape your feet together so they don’t move during the scan. The machine then does a head to toe scan that takes about 20 minutes. Next they do a side view of your head that takes a minute or two. Finally they do a 15 minute scan where the x-ray equipment circles your body. For the last scan you’re suppose to have your arms above your head but because I don’t have that range of motion in my right arm yet, the technician decided to have me put my arms down at my side then strap me on to the table with this big velcro belt (because the table is so narrow it would be hard to keep my arms still for 15 minutes without moving). After the scans, the technician forgot that I was strapped to the table and the velcro belt got caught on the machine when she was trying to move it...ouch.
The scan was done at the South Street hospital, which I believe is scheduled to be closed down in the near future. Anyway, every time I go there, I feel like I’m in the insane asylum where they filmed One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It’s kind of gloomy; has grey cracked and paint chipped walls, beige linoleum floor, basically void of any colour. (The surroundings in no way reflect the quality of care.) When they strapped me to the table, I chuckled to myself, but the kicker was when I was leaving, I walked by the waiting room and there was a guy there in an orange jumpsuit with his legs chained together and two police officers sitting on either side of him. I was happy to leave.
Have a good weekend,
Me
P.S. My loser comment last night was to be taken a little more tongue in cheek than I think it was interpreted (Mom). I’m fine…really.
I’ve just come back from the hospital where I started the process for the bone scan. Reporting to “Nuclear Medicine” just seemed weird, like I was preparing for some space mission or something. After filling out a questionnaire, I was injected in the arm with radioactive material…not sure what’s in that mix but I wonder if I can glow in the dark now?!?! It takes about 3 hours for the mix to find its way around my body so I’m home for a while then due back at the hospital at 11am.
1:57pm
Well that was interesting. The machine that does the scan consists of a table you lay on which is about 18 inches wide and two x-ray cameras that move around you. (As soon as I laid down on the table, a Sheryl Crow song came on the radio…ironic.) First of all they tape your feet together so they don’t move during the scan. The machine then does a head to toe scan that takes about 20 minutes. Next they do a side view of your head that takes a minute or two. Finally they do a 15 minute scan where the x-ray equipment circles your body. For the last scan you’re suppose to have your arms above your head but because I don’t have that range of motion in my right arm yet, the technician decided to have me put my arms down at my side then strap me on to the table with this big velcro belt (because the table is so narrow it would be hard to keep my arms still for 15 minutes without moving). After the scans, the technician forgot that I was strapped to the table and the velcro belt got caught on the machine when she was trying to move it...ouch.
The scan was done at the South Street hospital, which I believe is scheduled to be closed down in the near future. Anyway, every time I go there, I feel like I’m in the insane asylum where they filmed One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It’s kind of gloomy; has grey cracked and paint chipped walls, beige linoleum floor, basically void of any colour. (The surroundings in no way reflect the quality of care.) When they strapped me to the table, I chuckled to myself, but the kicker was when I was leaving, I walked by the waiting room and there was a guy there in an orange jumpsuit with his legs chained together and two police officers sitting on either side of him. I was happy to leave.
Have a good weekend,
Me
P.S. My loser comment last night was to be taken a little more tongue in cheek than I think it was interpreted (Mom). I’m fine…really.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Loser
Tonight Steve and I went to the community consultation session for the “Up Front: New Perspectives on Breast Cancer” research project. The purpose of the session was to discuss research findings to date and then to gather in small discussion groups to talk about suggestions to improve breast cancer prevention and care. I’d guess there were probably 60 people in attendance, mainly women of course. I asked Steve if he was uncomfortable being only 1 of 3 men there but he said he actually didn’t even notice since he’s used to being surrounded by women at work. The average age of the women was probably 50ish, all at various stages; some survivors for many years, some going through treatments now and others just finished their treatments. As part of our small discussion groups, each person had to introduce themselves and tell a bit about their story. I don’t like these situations at the best of times. When it was my turn, I got out about 3 words then I lost it. I was half crying and half laughing because I openly talk to everyone about what’s happening on a daily basis with no problem but tonight it took me a few minutes to find the words. I felt like a loser but what better people to fall apart in front of than a group of breast cancer survivors.
Anyway, the common feeling among everyone was that there is no standard of care for breast cancer patients. Once you are told you have breast cancer (or probably any cancer) you’re put on this assembly line. You meet with your doctor, go off and have some tests, then you’re moved along to the surgeon, more test, then you move on to the medical oncologist, then the radiation oncologist etc. The feeling among those who have done the full cycle is that there are many silos in the process when what you really need more is of a team approach or a navigator to bring some continuity to the experience. All in all, an interesting evening.
Off to bed,
me
Anyway, the common feeling among everyone was that there is no standard of care for breast cancer patients. Once you are told you have breast cancer (or probably any cancer) you’re put on this assembly line. You meet with your doctor, go off and have some tests, then you’re moved along to the surgeon, more test, then you move on to the medical oncologist, then the radiation oncologist etc. The feeling among those who have done the full cycle is that there are many silos in the process when what you really need more is of a team approach or a navigator to bring some continuity to the experience. All in all, an interesting evening.
Off to bed,
me
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Cancer 101
I finally got word regarding my appointment at the Cancer Clinic. I have an appointment with Medical Oncology on April 28th and an appointment with Radiation Oncology on May 11th. I must say that I was shocked and disappointed that the appointments are more than a month away. The way things were going, I had expected to start chemo by the end of the month. I was pretty ticked off yesterday so, as I had promised myself, I started unpacking more boxes. Today I have started to see the positive aspects of having a month to wait. I had wanted to take the kids to the Toronto Zoo for the Easter celebration but wasn’t sure I would be able to make it…now I know I can.
In terms of work, I have this guilty feeling about being off on sick leave when I’m really not that sick. It feels like I’m playing hooky. So I’ve decided to go back to work part-time for the next month. I’ve been put on a cancellation list at the Cancer Clinic so there is still a chance that I will be in sooner than the 28th.
Today I had my ultrasound appointment. The purpose of the ultrasound was to see if there are any tumors in my abdomen in order to "stage" the cancer (staging explained below). In the abdomen there are 8 organs (don’t ask me to name them all) that the technician looks at. The technician told me that in breast and colon cancer patients, the liver would likely be the first place for any additional tumors to be found. She said that my liver appeared to be clear, but the radiologist would need to review the pictures and give the final word to my doctor.
When you have cancer, the doctors stage the cancer, in part to see if it has spread beyond the initial tumor. They also use the staging results to determine your treatment program. There are 4 stages of cancer. With respect to breast cancer, the stages (in a nutshell) are as follow:
Stage I
- the tumor is less than 2 cm and has not spread
Stage II – the cancer is less than 2 cm but has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer is 2cm – 5cm, and may or may not have spread to the lymph nodes under the arm
Stage III – the cancer is 5cm or larger and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer has spread to the chest wall, muscles or lymph nodes along the breast bone
Stage IV
– the tumor is of any size and has spread to distant sites in the body (usually the bones, lungs, liver or brain)
Right now the doctors know that I have Stage II breast cancer because the tumor was 1 cm and had spread to 2 of the regional lymph nodes under my arm. Once I have the official ultrasound and bone scan results, hopefully the doctors will be able to confirm that the cancer has not gone beyond Stage II.
I have a feeling we’ll all be cancer specialist by the time this is over.
Rest up,
me
In terms of work, I have this guilty feeling about being off on sick leave when I’m really not that sick. It feels like I’m playing hooky. So I’ve decided to go back to work part-time for the next month. I’ve been put on a cancellation list at the Cancer Clinic so there is still a chance that I will be in sooner than the 28th.
Today I had my ultrasound appointment. The purpose of the ultrasound was to see if there are any tumors in my abdomen in order to "stage" the cancer (staging explained below). In the abdomen there are 8 organs (don’t ask me to name them all) that the technician looks at. The technician told me that in breast and colon cancer patients, the liver would likely be the first place for any additional tumors to be found. She said that my liver appeared to be clear, but the radiologist would need to review the pictures and give the final word to my doctor.
When you have cancer, the doctors stage the cancer, in part to see if it has spread beyond the initial tumor. They also use the staging results to determine your treatment program. There are 4 stages of cancer. With respect to breast cancer, the stages (in a nutshell) are as follow:
Stage I
- the tumor is less than 2 cm and has not spread
Stage II – the cancer is less than 2 cm but has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer is 2cm – 5cm, and may or may not have spread to the lymph nodes under the arm
Stage III – the cancer is 5cm or larger and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer has spread to the chest wall, muscles or lymph nodes along the breast bone
Stage IV
– the tumor is of any size and has spread to distant sites in the body (usually the bones, lungs, liver or brain)
Right now the doctors know that I have Stage II breast cancer because the tumor was 1 cm and had spread to 2 of the regional lymph nodes under my arm. Once I have the official ultrasound and bone scan results, hopefully the doctors will be able to confirm that the cancer has not gone beyond Stage II.
I have a feeling we’ll all be cancer specialist by the time this is over.
Rest up,
me
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
File Transfer
My work replacement, Rosemary, started yesterday. It’s amazing all of the information you have in your brain. You don’t realize it until you have to spit it all out. Rosemary and I were wishing that we could just put our heads together then have some Star Trekish process take over to transfer all the work files from my brain to hers. (Ab, perhaps you could help us out?)
I was planning on working today but I’m feeling a bit green…don’t misinterpret that to mean I’m having any residual effects from St. Patrick’s Day…I just think I’m trying to fight one of those bugs that’s going around out there.
I’ve called to see if any progress has been made on my appointment with the Cancer Clinic…no luck. The waiting is driving me crazy. It gives me too much time to think.
It looks like Natalie Portman is setting a trend with her new movie; V is for Vendetta, where she shaves her head. It’s been a hot topic on all the talk shows. Any other takers out there who want to follow the trend with me?
All for now,
me
P.S. Happy 86th Birthday Nan!
I was planning on working today but I’m feeling a bit green…don’t misinterpret that to mean I’m having any residual effects from St. Patrick’s Day…I just think I’m trying to fight one of those bugs that’s going around out there.
I’ve called to see if any progress has been made on my appointment with the Cancer Clinic…no luck. The waiting is driving me crazy. It gives me too much time to think.
It looks like Natalie Portman is setting a trend with her new movie; V is for Vendetta, where she shaves her head. It’s been a hot topic on all the talk shows. Any other takers out there who want to follow the trend with me?
All for now,
me
P.S. Happy 86th Birthday Nan!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Dress Code
The woman who has been hired to replace me at work starts on Monday and I will be in to work over the next week or so to assist with training. Although I am relieved to be able to pass the torch on, there are many things that I wish I could continue to be involved in. I am sure that I will be keeping in touch and dropping by the office, not only to see everyone but also because the Finance Department at Western almost always has food. I’m sure the 5lbs I’ve put one since joining the Finance team can be directly attributable to all the cakes, donuts, muffins and other treats that magically appear on the counter.
Since my focus will be off of work for awhile, my brain needs something focus on. The Sudoko puzzles will fill some of that void. (I’ve finished another 2 now. Sometimes I have to set the kitchen timer when I work on them because hours can go by without me even knowing!) In addition, I’ve started to put some more thought into the post treatment party. When I turned 30, we didn’t have a party because I was 8 months pregnant. When I finished my CGA, we didn’t have a party because we were too busy with building the house and then the move. When we finally moved in, we didn’t have a party because we didn’t have enough furniture. So, there will be no more excuses; I will see to it that this party happens. The price of admission for this party is that you have to wear something pink. Consider yourself fore warned…you have plenty of time to find something pink. Many of you are very creative so this should be interesting!
Enjoy your weekend,
me
Since my focus will be off of work for awhile, my brain needs something focus on. The Sudoko puzzles will fill some of that void. (I’ve finished another 2 now. Sometimes I have to set the kitchen timer when I work on them because hours can go by without me even knowing!) In addition, I’ve started to put some more thought into the post treatment party. When I turned 30, we didn’t have a party because I was 8 months pregnant. When I finished my CGA, we didn’t have a party because we were too busy with building the house and then the move. When we finally moved in, we didn’t have a party because we didn’t have enough furniture. So, there will be no more excuses; I will see to it that this party happens. The price of admission for this party is that you have to wear something pink. Consider yourself fore warned…you have plenty of time to find something pink. Many of you are very creative so this should be interesting!
Enjoy your weekend,
me
Thursday, March 16, 2006
15
I am humbled by the number of people who have said that they have found inspiration from this blog. I am happy to hear that many of you have been making appointments to have mammograms and check-ups with your doctors. As Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing”.
One of my main sources of inspiration has been my brother-in-law, Jamie Groves, who passed away from cancer in July 1995. Jamie was wise beyond his 19 years. What I admired most about Jamie was his incredible ability to always make people feel comfortable around him during his fight with cancer. I only hope that I can do the same. Jamie always greeted you with a smile that automatically put you at ease when you felt like you didn’t know what to say or do. During his stay at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Jamie was notorious for pulling practical jokes. One time he took a spoon and held it up under his blankets while he was lying in bed, and when he heard the nurses coming he would pretend to be asleep. The nurses were surprised to see the ‘tent’ in the middle of the bed. He also mooned his mom out the hospital window when she was coming to see him one day. There was never a dull moment and it was great. I can’t say that I’ll be mooning anyone, but I do believe that laughter can be one of the best medicines. Thanks Jamie.
Jamie’s hockey number was 15 and that number has been very special to the Groves over the years. It has been sewn on to the staff uniforms at Muskoka Woods (a camp that Jamie worked at) for the past 10 years and Steve’s mom has incorporated the number 15 into her signature on all her paintings. When Steve and I were buying this lot for our house last year, we knew the lot as Lot 71. It wasn’t until we signed the final papers that we learned that our house number would be 15. We knew we had picked the right place.
The Groves are notorious hockey fans as well as collectors, so I thought I would pass this on to all the Groves out there and others that may be interested. This weekend, many NHL players will be using pink hockey sticks to honour hockey moms and raise money for breast cancer research. The sticks will be used during warmups and games and will then be auctioned off after the weekend on frameworth.com.
Go Pink Go!
me
One of my main sources of inspiration has been my brother-in-law, Jamie Groves, who passed away from cancer in July 1995. Jamie was wise beyond his 19 years. What I admired most about Jamie was his incredible ability to always make people feel comfortable around him during his fight with cancer. I only hope that I can do the same. Jamie always greeted you with a smile that automatically put you at ease when you felt like you didn’t know what to say or do. During his stay at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Jamie was notorious for pulling practical jokes. One time he took a spoon and held it up under his blankets while he was lying in bed, and when he heard the nurses coming he would pretend to be asleep. The nurses were surprised to see the ‘tent’ in the middle of the bed. He also mooned his mom out the hospital window when she was coming to see him one day. There was never a dull moment and it was great. I can’t say that I’ll be mooning anyone, but I do believe that laughter can be one of the best medicines. Thanks Jamie.
Jamie’s hockey number was 15 and that number has been very special to the Groves over the years. It has been sewn on to the staff uniforms at Muskoka Woods (a camp that Jamie worked at) for the past 10 years and Steve’s mom has incorporated the number 15 into her signature on all her paintings. When Steve and I were buying this lot for our house last year, we knew the lot as Lot 71. It wasn’t until we signed the final papers that we learned that our house number would be 15. We knew we had picked the right place.
The Groves are notorious hockey fans as well as collectors, so I thought I would pass this on to all the Groves out there and others that may be interested. This weekend, many NHL players will be using pink hockey sticks to honour hockey moms and raise money for breast cancer research. The sticks will be used during warmups and games and will then be auctioned off after the weekend on frameworth.com.
Go Pink Go!
me
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tick...tick...tick...
Still waiting to hear about my appointment. I've made a follow-up call to the surgeon's office but they still haven't heard back from the Cancer Clinic yet. At the beginning of all this everything happened so fast so it's frustrating to have this wait.
I have to gather up some family medical history in order to get the referral for genetic testing. I've lost 3 grandparents and 1 aunt to cancer so I'm not sure how that will weigh on my future treatment (mastectomy or radiation).
I'm feeling great at the moment and starting to work on the mobility of my right arm. Other than that not much is new.
Thanks for hanging in there,
me
I have to gather up some family medical history in order to get the referral for genetic testing. I've lost 3 grandparents and 1 aunt to cancer so I'm not sure how that will weigh on my future treatment (mastectomy or radiation).
I'm feeling great at the moment and starting to work on the mobility of my right arm. Other than that not much is new.
Thanks for hanging in there,
me
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
It's A Small World After All...
I had more company today. Sean was home sick with the cold virus that seems to be making its way around. It was another day of movies and games.
I guess when you get breast cancer your name automatically gets put on the mailing lists. I received a letter today from Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation regarding a project led by several provincial and national breast cancer organizations. Who knew there was more than one organization? I guess I’m showing my ignorance. Anyway, the project is called Up Front: New Perspectives on Breast Cancer. The aim is “to give full voice to the experiences of individuals and communities touched by breast cancer in order to more fully align the health care system with the needs of the people it serves”. So the point of the letter is that there will be a seminar conducted by this group at the London Convention Center next week. Steve and I will likely attend. Wow…another date!
Barb, the women who’ll be helping out during my treatment, left me with some references to call before we made any final arrangements. I called one of the women for a reference and to make a long story short, the woman I called turns out to be an oncology (cancer) nurse from Princess Margaret Hospital which is a cancer hospital in Toronto. The woman worked specifically in the radiation department and has insisted that I keep her number and call her with any future questions. Small world.
Signing off for now,
me
I guess when you get breast cancer your name automatically gets put on the mailing lists. I received a letter today from Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation regarding a project led by several provincial and national breast cancer organizations. Who knew there was more than one organization? I guess I’m showing my ignorance. Anyway, the project is called Up Front: New Perspectives on Breast Cancer. The aim is “to give full voice to the experiences of individuals and communities touched by breast cancer in order to more fully align the health care system with the needs of the people it serves”. So the point of the letter is that there will be a seminar conducted by this group at the London Convention Center next week. Steve and I will likely attend. Wow…another date!
Barb, the women who’ll be helping out during my treatment, left me with some references to call before we made any final arrangements. I called one of the women for a reference and to make a long story short, the woman I called turns out to be an oncology (cancer) nurse from Princess Margaret Hospital which is a cancer hospital in Toronto. The woman worked specifically in the radiation department and has insisted that I keep her number and call her with any future questions. Small world.
Signing off for now,
me
Monday, March 13, 2006
1 Down, 299 To Go
Well I’m happy to report that I finished my first Sudoku puzzle today and I’m already hooked on puzzle number two in the book.
Right now I feel like I’m in limbo. With the surgery behind me now, I’m anxious to move on to the next step. I called the surgeon’s office today on the off chance that they may have my appointment set-up at the Cancer Clinic but I didn’t have any luck. They say the Cancer Clinic told them to call back tomorrow. I would really like to get the chemo going. The sooner I start, the sooner I’m done. The whole hair loss thing has been on my mind lately. I don’t know for sure that that will happen but I’m kind of planning on the fact that I’ll lose my hair. In the grand scheme of things it’s no big deal but still… My hairdresser tells me I have a good face shape for short hair. Short hair yes, I’ve had it before but bald…I don’t think so. Although many cancer patients feel more comfortable with a wig, I don’t think it’s for me. I would feel like I was dressing up for Halloween everyday. I think I’ll opt for the baseball hat or bandana.
Steve and I had the conversation that no couple really wants to discuss but you know that it has to be dealt with sooner or later. Although I remain extremely optimistic about the future, a small part of me just wanted him to know a few things just in case I’m not here. I just feel better knowing that he knows so now I can continue to move forward. Steve says we’ll discuss those things in 40 years time…I know he’s right.
Back to puzzle number two,
me
Right now I feel like I’m in limbo. With the surgery behind me now, I’m anxious to move on to the next step. I called the surgeon’s office today on the off chance that they may have my appointment set-up at the Cancer Clinic but I didn’t have any luck. They say the Cancer Clinic told them to call back tomorrow. I would really like to get the chemo going. The sooner I start, the sooner I’m done. The whole hair loss thing has been on my mind lately. I don’t know for sure that that will happen but I’m kind of planning on the fact that I’ll lose my hair. In the grand scheme of things it’s no big deal but still… My hairdresser tells me I have a good face shape for short hair. Short hair yes, I’ve had it before but bald…I don’t think so. Although many cancer patients feel more comfortable with a wig, I don’t think it’s for me. I would feel like I was dressing up for Halloween everyday. I think I’ll opt for the baseball hat or bandana.
Steve and I had the conversation that no couple really wants to discuss but you know that it has to be dealt with sooner or later. Although I remain extremely optimistic about the future, a small part of me just wanted him to know a few things just in case I’m not here. I just feel better knowing that he knows so now I can continue to move forward. Steve says we’ll discuss those things in 40 years time…I know he’s right.
Back to puzzle number two,
me
Saturday, March 11, 2006
CLS512M
That’s my new code name at Wellspring. I decided to pay them a visit yesterday. It’s located in downtown London in a two story house…very nice. I was greeted by Kay and Margaret, both volunteers, both in their 70s. Kay was kind enough to give me a tour. She asked me if I was their as a support person or as a cancer patient. I explained that I was a patient. Kay is a two time breast cancer survivor; it was nice to see a breast cancer survivor in person. Kay explained that we would have to be quiet on our tour as there was group meditation going on in one of the rooms. Kay showed me the information room that is filled with pamphlets and brochures on every type of cancer. I’ve picked up several – Clinical Trials, The Breast Cancer Patient Workbook, Guide for Chemotherapy, Guide for Radiation Therapy, Nutrition on Breast Cancer just to name a few. The information room also contains snacks, tea and coffee. (I didn’t notice any hot chocolate.) Our next stop was the library filled with books and videos that you can take out for 3 weeks at a time. Next was the yoga room, massage room then the art therapy room. Everything here is free. The reason for giving people code names is to track how well their services are doing by having people sign up using their code in order to maintain privacy. All in all an interesting place that provides the community with great resources.
I also renewed my health card yesterday. Even at the best of times, my photo ID looks horrid. I thought, I might as well get my picture done now instead of later when perhaps I’ll have no hair. I’d hate to carry that picture around until the next renewal in 2011!
Thinking of you all…Ciao,
me
P.S. Aunt Susie - The kid did get lucky and his face was only slightly pink.
I also renewed my health card yesterday. Even at the best of times, my photo ID looks horrid. I thought, I might as well get my picture done now instead of later when perhaps I’ll have no hair. I’d hate to carry that picture around until the next renewal in 2011!
Thinking of you all…Ciao,
me
P.S. Aunt Susie - The kid did get lucky and his face was only slightly pink.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Q & A
I thought I would share with you some of the questions I have been asked since I know if one person was curious then more people probably have the same question.
Q – How are the boys doing?
A – The boys are doing very well. As I mentioned before, they think I have a sore shoulder and haven’t asked too many questions. The odd time they’ll ask why I’m still in my pajamas when they go to school but I just tell them I’m home so my shoulder can heal or as in the case yesterday and today, I was going into work later. For the past week or so, I have been able to pick them up after school which has always been their normal routine so really they haven’t been fazed by the situation. Once we know my chemo regimen, we’ll have to sit down and explain things to them since it is likely that I will look different for a while. Steve and I are still working on the script for that one.
Q – Seeing as so many female singers (Sheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge, Olivia Newton-John etc.) have had breast cancer, do I have a hidden singing talent? (My dad has asked me this question several times.)
A – No…trust me. I will not be the next Canadian Idol.
Q – Do the doctors plan to replace the breast tissue that was removed? (Basically, do I have a big hole in my chest?)
A – No. I really feel that my cancer should be called armpit cancer instead of breast cancer since the tumor and resulting scar is at the base of my armpit. There is a small dent there which I’m told by the doctor is a result of the suction from the squeeze box. It’s really not that noticeable.
Q – How am I doing – mentally?
A – Honestly, I’m doing very well. I’m not trying to suppress any sad or scared feelings. They come every once and a while…last 5 or 10 minutes then I move on. I think the 9 years of going through the CGA program has helped build my mental strength. I cried a lot the day I had all the tests, before I was diagnosed. I found that crying just took up too much of my energy and didn’t leave me any strength to fight. I decided that I’d had enough of that.
Q – Am I going to turn this into a book?
A - Its still very funny to me that people would even suggest that, considering that writing has always been something I’ve struggled with. What I have been tempted to do is send a copy of my blog to my old English teacher with a note saying, “Silver Staple this, buddy!”.
Those are some of the common and interesting questions I’ve been asked so far. If you think of any others, fire them off to me.
All for now,
me
Q – How are the boys doing?
A – The boys are doing very well. As I mentioned before, they think I have a sore shoulder and haven’t asked too many questions. The odd time they’ll ask why I’m still in my pajamas when they go to school but I just tell them I’m home so my shoulder can heal or as in the case yesterday and today, I was going into work later. For the past week or so, I have been able to pick them up after school which has always been their normal routine so really they haven’t been fazed by the situation. Once we know my chemo regimen, we’ll have to sit down and explain things to them since it is likely that I will look different for a while. Steve and I are still working on the script for that one.
Q – Seeing as so many female singers (Sheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge, Olivia Newton-John etc.) have had breast cancer, do I have a hidden singing talent? (My dad has asked me this question several times.)
A – No…trust me. I will not be the next Canadian Idol.
Q – Do the doctors plan to replace the breast tissue that was removed? (Basically, do I have a big hole in my chest?)
A – No. I really feel that my cancer should be called armpit cancer instead of breast cancer since the tumor and resulting scar is at the base of my armpit. There is a small dent there which I’m told by the doctor is a result of the suction from the squeeze box. It’s really not that noticeable.
Q – How am I doing – mentally?
A – Honestly, I’m doing very well. I’m not trying to suppress any sad or scared feelings. They come every once and a while…last 5 or 10 minutes then I move on. I think the 9 years of going through the CGA program has helped build my mental strength. I cried a lot the day I had all the tests, before I was diagnosed. I found that crying just took up too much of my energy and didn’t leave me any strength to fight. I decided that I’d had enough of that.
Q – Am I going to turn this into a book?
A - Its still very funny to me that people would even suggest that, considering that writing has always been something I’ve struggled with. What I have been tempted to do is send a copy of my blog to my old English teacher with a note saying, “Silver Staple this, buddy!”.
Those are some of the common and interesting questions I’ve been asked so far. If you think of any others, fire them off to me.
All for now,
me
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Mr. Lucky
Busy day…busy is good. I managed to get into the office for 3 hours this afternoon and tie up some of those loose ends I was talking about. It was nice to get back into a familiar routine. Another day without daytime TV.
I was corresponding with someone tonight via instant messenger and I won’t name names but its Steve’s, dad’s, brother’s, youngest son. (OK Groves clan, I know you can figure this out.) He said that he had heard I was going to be in the office today so he thought he would drop by 'and thought he might get lucky'. Well, I explained to him that I was a married woman and it just won’t work and there’s at least 15 years between us. Too funny. I can hardly wait to see how red his face gets when he comes into the office tomorrow…if he doesn’t chicken out. (Sorry pal, you walked right into that one.)
Tonight Steve and I met with a woman named Barb who has a business where she comes into your home, cooks 4-5 meals for the week, does light housekeeping and other required tasks. Some very kind friends have arranged for her to come into the house once a week during my treatment to help out. Our meeting was great and I think it will work out very well. Thank you.
Just finishing up my hot chocolate (of which I have been supplied with every possible flavour – thank you) and I’m going to call it a day.
Good night to all,
me
I was corresponding with someone tonight via instant messenger and I won’t name names but its Steve’s, dad’s, brother’s, youngest son. (OK Groves clan, I know you can figure this out.) He said that he had heard I was going to be in the office today so he thought he would drop by 'and thought he might get lucky'. Well, I explained to him that I was a married woman and it just won’t work and there’s at least 15 years between us. Too funny. I can hardly wait to see how red his face gets when he comes into the office tomorrow…if he doesn’t chicken out. (Sorry pal, you walked right into that one.)
Tonight Steve and I met with a woman named Barb who has a business where she comes into your home, cooks 4-5 meals for the week, does light housekeeping and other required tasks. Some very kind friends have arranged for her to come into the house once a week during my treatment to help out. Our meeting was great and I think it will work out very well. Thank you.
Just finishing up my hot chocolate (of which I have been supplied with every possible flavour – thank you) and I’m going to call it a day.
Good night to all,
me
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Black Belt
More appointments have been scheduled now. The bone scan has been scheduled for March 22 and the stomach ultrasound has been scheduled for March 24. The referral has also been put in to the Cancer Clinic and I’m just waiting to hear back from the doctor on my appointment time. I forgot to mention earlier that the chest x-ray was clear…another plus. So for now the focus is on recovering from surgery. The range of motion on my right arm is at about 60%. I’ll have to check with the doctor to see if I should have physiotherapy or if the range of motion will come back over time. All in all things are going well.
Some friends were kind enough to send along a care package which included a book of Sudoku puzzles. I thought, 'I‘ve never done a Sudoku puzzle before but I like numbers and I like puzzles…this will be fun'. Well, they didn’t buy me the beginners book, they bought me the “Martial Arts Sudoku: Super Tough Black Belt” book. I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment that they think I’m smart or maybe this is their idea of a sick joke. I’m still working on the first puzzle of 300. I guess this will be good exercise for my brain while I’m off work.
Speaking of work, I’ve decided to go into the office for a few hours on Wednesday and Thursday to tie up some loose ends for my own piece of mind. It will give me an easy break from my Sudoku puzzles.
Later,
me
Some friends were kind enough to send along a care package which included a book of Sudoku puzzles. I thought, 'I‘ve never done a Sudoku puzzle before but I like numbers and I like puzzles…this will be fun'. Well, they didn’t buy me the beginners book, they bought me the “Martial Arts Sudoku: Super Tough Black Belt” book. I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment that they think I’m smart or maybe this is their idea of a sick joke. I’m still working on the first puzzle of 300. I guess this will be good exercise for my brain while I’m off work.
Speaking of work, I’ve decided to go into the office for a few hours on Wednesday and Thursday to tie up some loose ends for my own piece of mind. It will give me an easy break from my Sudoku puzzles.
Later,
me
Monday, March 06, 2006
Food for Thought
Frustration set in on Sunday. I’m a morning person but find that my current energy level prevents me from being as productive as I'd like to be. When I say frustrated, I don’t mean “woe is me”, I mean, pissed off. I was standing in my closet when this pissed off feeling came over me, so I decided to channel that energy into something productive. I bagged up about ¼ of my wardrobe; Steve’s already dropped it off to Goodwill. Gone are the things I couldn’t bear to part with, even though I hadn’t worn them in ages. Whatever. So I guess one positive thing to come out of all of this is I get a new wardrobe. I’ve decided that when I feel that 'pissed off' feeling creeping up again, I will position myself in front of the unpacked boxes left over from our move to this house.
The CBC program on Cancer was on TV last night (CBC Marketplace: Chasing the cancer answer). What an eye opener! 1 in 2.3 men and 1 in 2.6 women will get cancer at some point in their life. When you look at a family of 4, that’s scary. I’ve learned that in Canada, companies are not required to list ingredients on personal care items and household cleaners. In the European Union (EU), they are required to list ingredients and the presence of any carcinogens in the product. In Canada, this is scheduled to happen in November 2006. Some products that are banned in the EU are still on the shelves in Canada. Maybe it’s time to use my British citizenship!?!? The program mentioned two products; Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and Sunlight Laundry Detergent, each of which contain known human carcinogens. Although the respective companies indicated that there were only trace amounts of carcinogens in these products, you have to wonder if using numerous products with these trace amounts of carcinogens actually adds up to a more meaningful amount.
Food for thought,
me
The CBC program on Cancer was on TV last night (CBC Marketplace: Chasing the cancer answer). What an eye opener! 1 in 2.3 men and 1 in 2.6 women will get cancer at some point in their life. When you look at a family of 4, that’s scary. I’ve learned that in Canada, companies are not required to list ingredients on personal care items and household cleaners. In the European Union (EU), they are required to list ingredients and the presence of any carcinogens in the product. In Canada, this is scheduled to happen in November 2006. Some products that are banned in the EU are still on the shelves in Canada. Maybe it’s time to use my British citizenship!?!? The program mentioned two products; Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and Sunlight Laundry Detergent, each of which contain known human carcinogens. Although the respective companies indicated that there were only trace amounts of carcinogens in these products, you have to wonder if using numerous products with these trace amounts of carcinogens actually adds up to a more meaningful amount.
Food for thought,
me
Friday, March 03, 2006
Stretch
Today I got to put my “Mom hat” on. It felt good. Andrew was sick so the two of us spent the day under our blankets, watched “Finding Nemo” and played checkers. It was nice to be the caregiver instead of the care receiver for a change.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Over the next year I’ll probably figure out what the purpose of this obstacle is for me. Maybe it means I’ll get involved in volunteer work with cancer patients. Maybe it means I’ll share my blog with others that come across the same obstacle, in hopes that it may comfort them to read someone else’s story. Part of me has thought of contacting my friends at the UWO Alumni Gazette to put the word out there that breast self exams can really save your life. And I know people know that but, maybe if they could put a story to it then maybe it would bring it all home. I saved my own life. It doesn’t get any better than that.
At this point you’ll have to excuse me while I get off the bus. I need a few days to stretch my legs. I suggest you do the same but don't forget to get back on because a long journey is just ahead.
Enjoy the view,
me
P.S. Where do I come up with this stuff? Maybe I should get a job writing cheesy greeting cards for Hallmark while I’m off work.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Over the next year I’ll probably figure out what the purpose of this obstacle is for me. Maybe it means I’ll get involved in volunteer work with cancer patients. Maybe it means I’ll share my blog with others that come across the same obstacle, in hopes that it may comfort them to read someone else’s story. Part of me has thought of contacting my friends at the UWO Alumni Gazette to put the word out there that breast self exams can really save your life. And I know people know that but, maybe if they could put a story to it then maybe it would bring it all home. I saved my own life. It doesn’t get any better than that.
At this point you’ll have to excuse me while I get off the bus. I need a few days to stretch my legs. I suggest you do the same but don't forget to get back on because a long journey is just ahead.
Enjoy the view,
me
P.S. Where do I come up with this stuff? Maybe I should get a job writing cheesy greeting cards for Hallmark while I’m off work.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
And the winner is....
Me. It’s all good. Breathe.
The appointment today was scheduled for 1:45pm but we didn’t get in to see the doctor until 4:20pm…an anxious wait. So where do I begin. The doctor described the tumor as "tiny" - 1cm x 8mm x 7mm – the size of a raisin. It was sitting on the muscle at the top of the breast tissue. When she removed the tumor, she wanted to get a margin of normal tissue surrounding the tumor to make sure it was removed entirely. Because it was sitting on the muscle, she removed a portion of it to be tested as well. The tumor had no vascular system (blood vessels etc.) associated with it which is good news. The muscle specimen was clear – no cancer. From the lymph node dissection, she took 12 nodes, 2 of the 12 nodes were cancerous. The doctor said that 1 – 3 nodes are considered good.
The pathologist also looks at immunohistochemistry which basically test the specimens to see how receptive they are to hormone therapy and chemotherapy. The specimens tested positively which is also good (for those medical people out there – progesterone receptor protein and HER2/neu).
From here I still need to have a bone scan and a stomach ultrasound done, mainly for routine purposes. The surgeon also wants me to have genetic testing done before the radiation. The results of this testing may recommend that a mastectomy should be done in lieu of the radiation. By the end of next week I should have an appointment booked with an oncologist at the London Regional Cancer Center so at the moment I don’t have any details of the chemo regimen.
Steve says he’s going to relax with a martini tonight; I'm just happy that I can use deodorant on my right armpit again.
That’s it in a nutshell. May we all sleep well tonight.
me
The appointment today was scheduled for 1:45pm but we didn’t get in to see the doctor until 4:20pm…an anxious wait. So where do I begin. The doctor described the tumor as "tiny" - 1cm x 8mm x 7mm – the size of a raisin. It was sitting on the muscle at the top of the breast tissue. When she removed the tumor, she wanted to get a margin of normal tissue surrounding the tumor to make sure it was removed entirely. Because it was sitting on the muscle, she removed a portion of it to be tested as well. The tumor had no vascular system (blood vessels etc.) associated with it which is good news. The muscle specimen was clear – no cancer. From the lymph node dissection, she took 12 nodes, 2 of the 12 nodes were cancerous. The doctor said that 1 – 3 nodes are considered good.
The pathologist also looks at immunohistochemistry which basically test the specimens to see how receptive they are to hormone therapy and chemotherapy. The specimens tested positively which is also good (for those medical people out there – progesterone receptor protein and HER2/neu).
From here I still need to have a bone scan and a stomach ultrasound done, mainly for routine purposes. The surgeon also wants me to have genetic testing done before the radiation. The results of this testing may recommend that a mastectomy should be done in lieu of the radiation. By the end of next week I should have an appointment booked with an oncologist at the London Regional Cancer Center so at the moment I don’t have any details of the chemo regimen.
Steve says he’s going to relax with a martini tonight; I'm just happy that I can use deodorant on my right armpit again.
That’s it in a nutshell. May we all sleep well tonight.
me
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Senior Moment
A friend recently gave me the book “LIVESTRONG: Inspirational Stories from Cancer Survivors”. I’ve only read a few of the stories so far but they are inspiring. It is interesting that many of them start out, “I became a cancer survivor MMDDYYYY”, which is actually the day they were diagnosed with cancer. So I guess I’m a member of a new club. The price of membership is steep but the rewards will be felt for years to come.
Speaking of clubs, there’s another one I will probably be joining soon (don’t get your back up against the wall GoodLife people). It’s called Wellspring. It’s a support centre for people living with cancer and their families. My family doctor had told me about it so I decided to try and find the Web site. I went on the City of London Web site and when I entered the search, Wellspring came up in the Seniors section. A little discouraging…I’m not that old! At the moment I have visions of going to Wellspring and playing checkers with the seniors for hours on end. Seriously though, they do seem to have a number of good resources from support groups, massage, yoga etc. Maybe Chris and Andrea can join me instead of going to their “hot yoga” classes. (FYI – hot yoga is a yoga class done in a room with a temperature of a zillion degrees.)
Tomorrow is the day we’ve all been waiting for. Steve has prepared all the questions again. We are cautiously optimistic. Considering that for the most part I feel completely fine, it sometimes boggles my mind that anything could be wrong. We’ll see what tomorrow brings and go forward from there.
Talk to you tomorrow,
me
Speaking of clubs, there’s another one I will probably be joining soon (don’t get your back up against the wall GoodLife people). It’s called Wellspring. It’s a support centre for people living with cancer and their families. My family doctor had told me about it so I decided to try and find the Web site. I went on the City of London Web site and when I entered the search, Wellspring came up in the Seniors section. A little discouraging…I’m not that old! At the moment I have visions of going to Wellspring and playing checkers with the seniors for hours on end. Seriously though, they do seem to have a number of good resources from support groups, massage, yoga etc. Maybe Chris and Andrea can join me instead of going to their “hot yoga” classes. (FYI – hot yoga is a yoga class done in a room with a temperature of a zillion degrees.)
Tomorrow is the day we’ve all been waiting for. Steve has prepared all the questions again. We are cautiously optimistic. Considering that for the most part I feel completely fine, it sometimes boggles my mind that anything could be wrong. We’ll see what tomorrow brings and go forward from there.
Talk to you tomorrow,
me
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