Fang and Happy

I was hoping to have hair for our anniversary dinner on Thursday night but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. Every time I touch my head, my hair falls out…we’re not talking 2 or 3 pieces of hair, it’s more like 20 or 30 pieces of hair at a time. I have to stop myself from continually pulling it out; it’s like when you start peeling after a sunburn and you keep picking at your skin except it’s my hair. I’ll have to get it buzzed again…right to the wood this time so it’s not all patchy and uneven. I never thought I’d see the day when my brother would have more hair than me.

We took the boys to Storybook Gardens this afternoon so they could run around and play. On the way home we stopped at a pet store and bought them their first ‘pets’. I use the term pets loosely because they each got a Beta fish. Low maintenance is key. Andrew named his fish Fang and Sean named his fish Happy. We’ll see how long they last.

me

In Sickness and in Health

Just touching the hair on the top of my head hurts. It feels like every piece of hair is a needle sticking into my head. I guess that means that the chemo has made its way up there.

Steve and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary next week…hard to believe ten years has gone by already. We were talking about what we were doing ten years ago and had to laugh because I was sick. Long story short, I was so stressed with year end at work and all the wedding plans that I ended up in the hospital. The more things change, the more they stay the same?!?!

I had the opportunity to get out and see some friends this week. It was so nice to have some social interaction…that’s what I miss most about being at home.

Today we’re off to my parents place to celebrate Emma’s (my niece) 7th birthday. Looks like a great day for a BBQ.

Have a good weekend.

me

Little Smoochy Mama

Sean is a born comedian. I’m sure the staff at the daycare would back me up on this one. He is the king of one liners and has many different accents, all at the ripe old age of four. Sean has a new nickname for me that he says in his Jamaican accent…. I’m his “Little Smoochy Mama”. I have no idea where it came from; that’s just typical Sean.

I can tell that my hair will probably start to fall out soon. Today when I pulled out a gray hair, it came out with very little effort. I guess the good thing is that I won’t have to shave my legs all summer…another perk.

Take care,

me

Look Good; Feel Better

Barb’s visit went well yesterday. She was here for 2 hours, did some dishes, went over recipes and did some laundry. It felt weird watching someone do that stuff around the house but it was so nice to have it done. She’s going to come back on Thursday and cook 3 or 4 meals.

Today I went to a workshop at the Cancer Clinic. It was called ‘Look Good; Feel Better’. It’s a program put on by the Canadian Cosmetic, Toiletry and Fragrance Association Foundation. Basically dozens of companies donate product for the workshops and volunteers from the cosmetic industry give you tips on skin care, sun protection, nail care and makeup application. You get a shoebox filled with stuff from Clinque, MAC, Elizabeth Arden, Mary Kay, etc for free. Who knew that cancer came with these kinds of perks! There was also a man who brought several wigs and hats. Some women at the workshop were already wearing wigs….it was interesting. I still don’t think a wig is for me. So far I’ve felt comfortable with my new look. I feel awkward when people don’t know I have cancer so wearing a wig would be uncomfortable for me.

I can’t remember if I mentioned that I’m going to be getting a Port-a-Cath on May 18th. It’s a medical device that will be implanted under the skin some where around my collar bone. Because the chemo I get is all done through intravenous, the Port-a-Cath will be used to draw blood and receive chemo so the veins in my arm aren’t over taxed. (On the 5th chemo treatment, I will be given Herceptin which will continue every 3 weeks for a year.)

You’re up to date now on this continuing story.

me

Virus

Andrew never gets sick but since I had my chemo treatment he’s had the stomach flu and a cold. I managed to avoid the stomach flu but not the cold. Seeing as I’m a bit paranoid about getting sick, I took Andrew to a medical clinic on Saturday morning. The doctor confirmed that Andrew has a virus, as do I. Other than monitoring my temperature, which I do several times a day, there’s nothing we can do.

It’s hard to believe that it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my first chemo treatment. The next one is scheduled for next Friday (May 5th). I’ll be a quarter of the way through which is very exciting for me.

Today, Barb, the woman who is going to help me around the house, is coming for a few hours this afternoon. Part of me wants to clean the house before she gets here and the other part of me wants to leave it because if I don’t, she’ll have nothing to do. I’ve never had anyone come in and clean my house so this is a bit awkward for me.

Not much else to report today.

me

Here We Glow Again

This morning I’ll be going to the hospital to have another test done. It’s called a “Wall Motion Study” which may sound like a test that should be done in the Wind Tunnel at Western but it’s actually a heart test. I did a search on the internet to get more information. Here’s what I found…

It’s really called a gated nuclear angiogram which is a technique using radioisotopes to measure the pump function of the heart. “The red blood cells are tagged with a radioactive material (here we glow again). As the red blood cells circulate through the heart, counts of their radioactivity are obtained with a gamma camera. A computer constructs moving pictures of the heart by timing and counting radioactivity throughout the contraction and relaxation phases of the heart’s cardiac cycle.”

Some of the drugs I will be taking can cause heart problems in a small percentage of people. Today’s test will provide a baseline that will be used to compare future tests as I go through more rounds of chemotherapy.

I’d better get ready to go.

me

P.S. Donna – I will try to include more pictures in future entries…just for you.

Pink Sticks

When the pink stick initiative with the NHL players was announced supporting breast cancer research, I decided to e-mail the organizers. I figured that it would be nice for them to hear that their work with this initiative was appreciated by those fighting the battle. This is so unlike me but, I thought it might brighten their day. I wasn’t expecting to get a response back but I have exchanged a few e-mails now. Today I received my very own pink hockey stick. The organizers were kind enough to send me the stick used by Scott Hartnell of the Nashville Predators. We are also expecting a second pink stick to arrive shortly that Steve bid on in the auction. Steve bought Dennis Wideman’s stick. Seeing as Dennis Wideman was a former London Knight, Steve thought it was a good choice.

Not sure where we’re going to put them yet but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

me

Nap

Not much to report today. For the most part I’m just figuring out what my limitations are while I’m on chemo. They say that nausea can usually hit in the first 2-3 days after chemo but with all the medication I was on, I seem to have avoided that stage. I was told that fatigue usually sets in 4-5 days after treatment…I have found this to be true. I laid down for a nap yesterday morning at 9:30am and didn’t wake up until noon! Until now, I’ve never been able to nap during the day so I was shocked to find out I had slept for 2 ½ hours.

Well, Steve has left to take the boys to school and I feel another nap coming on so I’ll sign off for now.

Take care,

me

I Spoke Too Soon...

I had a feeling when I wrote that everyone was fine, it would come back to haunt me. Sean awoke at 12:45am throwing up. I’m so used to going into Mom-mode when the kids get sick that I found it hard to step back and let Steve take care of everything. The best I could do was sit across the hall from Sean’s room and tell him that everything was going to be alright while he held the bucket on his lap. Sean noticed some things that the Easter Bunny had left in his room so that cheered him up.

So here are the pictures. Before…the Mohawk…After.

Enjoy,

me

Change of Plans

We had a slight change of plans yesterday. About an hour after we arrived at Steve’s parents, Andrew started to throw up. After about the third time throwing up, we decided that it would be easier to deal with this at home so we packed ourselves back up in the car. Before we left, Sean managed to lock himself in the bathroom and we had a scavenger hunt for Steve’s wallet. Never a dull moment. Today Andrew is fine and no one else seems to have caught his bug.

I keep wondering to myself how many people have checked out the blog to see the pictures of my new hairdo. I laugh…because I know I would do the same thing if it were someone else.

Soon…I promise.

me

Crazy Hair Day

Well, I managed to get my driver’s license picture taken yesterday before I got my head shaved, although I don’t really mind my hair the way it is now. My friend Moira, who lives across the street, was able to shave it in her studio (broken finger and all). My hair is about ½ inch long now. It was nice to get my head shaved in the privacy of her home instead of in some salon being watched by everyone. We took some fun pictures along the way that I’ll try to get posted soon. For the most part I’m used to it now although sometimes I get caught off guard when I walk by a mirror.

When I saw Sean he just smiled and said, “Hi Mom”. Last night at bedtime when I was reading him a story he spent most of the time rubbing my head. Andrew said, “I thought you were going to be bald…you still have hair.” I explained that it will eventually fall out but it would grow back again. He said, “So it’s like a pattern, you had long hair, then short hair, then you’ll have no hair, then you’ll have short hair and then you’ll have long hair again.” That’s it in a nutshell.

We’re heading to Thornhill this morning to stay at Steve’s parents for the night and catch up with the Groves. Tomorrow Steve is going to take the boys to the Zoo…they are so excited. I’m going to rest while they’re off on their adventure.

Happy Easter,

me

This is Your Brain. This is Your Brain on Drugs.

Last night was a bit of a restless night. My brain was racing like a tape recorder when you hit the play and fast forward buttons at the same time. Just constant thoughts over and over again. Among the visuals was the TV commercial on drugs with the eggs frying in the pan...hence the title tonight. I tried to get in a few naps today; hopefully tonight will be better.

I just got my driver’s license renewal in the mail. Go figure…I need a new picture so I’m going to try to make it to the license renewal place tomorrow morning because tomorrow is the big day. My neighbour is going to shave my head. Tomorrow is also ‘Crazy Hair Day’ for Andrew at school so I told him I would be having ‘Crazy Hair Day’ too. Sean assures me that it will grow back.

I’m going to take some before and after pictures tomorrow and I’ll try to get Steve to help me post them to the blog. That way, it will take away some of the shock the next time I see you.

Talk to you later,

me

Chemo Treatment 1 of 8 (Sponsored by The Beatles)

Just a quick note to let you all know that things went well today. I’m a bit tired at the moment but happy to get the first treatment out of the way…7 more to go. Over the next few weeks I’ve got 6 appointments scheduled. I think I’ve had more appointments in the last 2 months than I’ve had in my entire life!

I didn’t sleep well last night. Mainly because I have to drink 2 litres of water a day and I was up in the night 4 times to go to the bathroom. In between trips to the bathroom my brain was “on”…singing Beatles songs, thinking about the treatment, thinking about stuff I need to buy for Easter etc.

On the way to the appointment today, Steve and I listened to The Beatles Abbey Road CD to take off some of the edge. The Cancer Clinic was quite busy today. Although there were some younger faces there today, it still reminded me of a retirement home. There was even an older gentleman playing the piano to entertain the patients in the waiting areas. Steve and I were waiting line at the Tim Horton’s when the piano guy starts playing a familiar tune…we looked at each other and laughed because the piano guy was playing ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ from The Beatles Abbey Road album. Strange.

The appointment started off with getting some blood tests done. All my blood levels were fine so then I went to the chemo room. I had the choice of two seats…I chose number 15. The session started with taking 2 anti-nausea drugs Dexamethasone (dex-a-METH-a-sone) and Ondansetron (on-DAN-se-tron). Then the nurse put in the intravenous line. The first chemo drug was Doxorubicin (Dosc-oh-RUBE-i-sin) and it was injected into the intravenous line by two huge syringes. Next I had Cycophosphamide (sigh-clos-FOS-fa-mide) that was administered though the intravenous line by drip. I will have these 2 drugs for the first 4 chemo cycles then I will change to 2 different drugs for the last 4 cycles. The chemotherapy beginning to end will be 8 cycles, 3 weeks apart. I’ve been told that any nausea will happen in the first 2 -3 days. So, for the next 3 days I will continue taking the same anti-nausea drugs that I had before the chemo plus Prochlorperazine (pro-klor-PARE-a-zeen) when required. I’m told the fatigue will probably set in 4 or 5 days from now.

There are lists of side effects for each of these medications, but the most important to note is increased risk of infection due to decreased white blood cells. For this reason, it is dangerous for me to be around people who are sick. Since my body’s immune system will be running at a minimum, if I catch any kind of sickness, I could be hospitalized. I am required to take my temperature 3-4 times a day to make sure I don’t have a fever. Don’t be offended if you come to the house and you are asked to enter the decontamination room…just kidding…but we have dispensers of hand sanitizers all over the house.

So much for the quick note.

me

The Boys

I found out today that my chemotherapy will start tomorrow. I will have blood tests first, which will be standard before each treatment, then the chemo will start around 2pm.

Because things are starting tomorrow, we decided to tell the boys tonight. Bath time seemed be the most appropriate time to fill them in. Basically Steve said, “Mom has to go back to see the doctor tomorrow. Remember when they did surgery on her shoulder…well they found a tiny piece of cancer and they took it out.” I said, “Now I have to go and see the doctor to get some medicine to make sure it doesn’t come back. The medicine will make me feel tired and you know the weird part? It’s going to make all my hair fall out.” Everyone had a good laugh. Sean went on playing in the bath and Andrew said, “Can I go to the hospital with you? It’s a good thing that you got the cancer now and not 10 years ago because they know more about cancer now.” Neither one of them had anything more to say about it. We took their lead; they changed the subject and the bedtime routine continued on as usual. I’m not sure how much they really took in… but it’s a start. I think it will probably sink in during the week ahead.

Although I’m told my hair probably won’t start falling out for 2 weeks, I’m planning on getting it buzzed soon. I want to take control over that process instead of waiting for it to fall out. I would hate to wake up with big clumps of hair missing…talk about bad bed head!

I’m off to bed now to get a good night’s sleep.

me

Here Comes The Sun

London Regional Cancer Clinic

I must say that it has a nicer environment than the South Street hospital. I still feel out of place though. When we sat down in the waiting area, we were surrounded by people in their 60s, 70s and 80s. I’m not wishing there were more young people with cancer, but it would just be nice to see the younger cancer patients once in a while.

Steve and I met my primary nurse first; she’s very nice, in her late 50s. Then, we met my chemo doctor, Dr. Potvin. She’s around my age. It was sooooo nice to see a younger person, someone who I can relate to…someone who also has a young family.

Dr. Potvin explained that chemo and hormone therapy would be an option. Steve and I have always considered it a given, but Dr. Potvin said that some people just don’t want to go through these therapies. If you look at 100 women my age, with the same kind of breast cancer, who elect for no further treatment after surgery, 47 of them will be alive and without cancer in 10 years. If you take those same 100 women and give them chemotherapy and hormone therapy, 89 of them will be alive and without cancer in 10 years. The decision seems straightforward to me.

I will go over my treatment regime in a future blog. (I have to spread out my ‘material’.) I will tell you though that I will lose my hair and I’m told that when it comes back it will be even curlier…how can that be…I guess poison will do that to you.

Last night Steve and I went to Orchestra London’s ‘Jeans and Classics – The Beatles Abbey Road’ with the GoodLife group. For those of you that don’t know, in the Lincoln household, as soon as you could walk and talk, you learned the lyrics to every Beatles song. My Dad carries on that tradition whenever the boys stay at my parent’s place. Sean has been known to breakout into his own rendition of Yellow Submarine for his classmates. Anyway, listening to the music last night took me to that comfortable and relaxing place I had hoped to find with the support group and the massage. Steve and I both thoroughly enjoyed the evening.

Back to the massage issue… I talked to Dr. Potvin and she said that a massage can not spread the cancer. In fact, she suggested that if that was the belief of the spa, then cancer patients should, in fact, have massages after chemo treatments to increase the circulation of the chemicals throughout the body. Mark, Karla, Sharon…please do not egg the spa! I hold nothing against the massage therapist or the spa; I just think that they are misinformed. I have thought of writing them a letter to provide them with the correct information so another cancer patient doesn’t have to go through the same thing. Steve thinks I should write a letter to the paper; we’ll see.

me

Vent

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m looking for a place to vent.

I’d like to tell you about how wonderful my massage was today but I can’t. It didn’t happen. After work I went to the spa and when I arrived I had to fill out a medical questionnaire, which is standard when you have your first visit to a spa. There were boxes to check off for various medical conditions, of course I checked off the box that said cancer. I gave the questionnaire back the receptionist then sat back and enjoyed a drink and read a magazine. The massage therapist introduced herself to me then took me upstairs to my room. She started to go over the medical questionnaire and asked about the cancer. I explained that I had had surgery and I would be starting chemo soon. I wasn’t prepared for her response. She said, ‘We don’t do massages on cancer patients unless they are terminally ill or are cancer free now.’ When someone tells me that I can’t do something, I usually take it on as a personal challenge to prove them wrong. This time all I could do was get my coat, get in my car and drive home. Before I left, the massage therapist explained that there are risks associated with massage on cancer patients in terms of increased circulation to cancer cells. She asked if I wanted to have a pedicure but at that point I just wanted to leave.

So to recap the ‘me things’ I wanted to do this week:

1. Join the Breast Cancer Support Group – oh, it’s full
2. Have a massage – oops, I can’t…I have cancer

The rollercoaster just keeps going around.

me

Friday

Since my appointment with the oncologist has been moved up to this Friday, I’ve decided that Friday will also be my last day at work. I feel much better knowing that things are more organized this time around…I’m sure Carter does too. So if I don’t see you at work in the next two days, know that you can always find me here.

Catch you later,

me

Money Jar

I think I’ve traumatized Sean. At 2:30am I could here him crying so I went into his bedroom. When I asked him what was wrong, he said, “I don’t want to lose my money. I want my money back from the money jar.” So this morning was the end of the money jar and Sean took back his 75 cents (I kept Steve’s money). Hopefully this will stop the bad dreams and he won’t require any future therapy. :)

Work was another day of training. Like I said before, it feels good to be passing the information on because my brain…you know how it is…it just won’t shut off when I wake up in the middle of the night. It keeps thinking of a million different pieces of information to pass on. Eventually after I get it all out, I’ll sleep much better.

me

P.S. Thank you to who ever you are that bought me the subscription to WISH magazine. Jane – Are you sure it isn’t you???

All Clear

I received a call from the surgeon’s office this afternoon with results from the bone scan. The scan was clear which is amazing news. Now we know what we’re dealing with - Stage II Breast Cancer. This is a huge relief for me to finally get all the scary unknowns out of the way.

I tried to register for the Breast Cancer Support Group today but unfortunately it’s full. So, I’m on the waiting list for the next group which isn’t likely to be happening for a few months. Perhaps there are similar groups arranged through the Cancer Clinic.

The massage is booked. 1pm Thursday at Tetherwood Spa.

Onward and upward,

me

Relax

I got word from the surgeon’s office that the ultrasound came back clear. More good news. The doctor hadn’t reviewed the bone scan yet but hoped to get back to me early next week.

Someone asked me yesterday what I had done for myself since all of this began. I must admit that I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve taken tons of courses through university and the CGA program but I’ve never been taught how to relax. I like to be busy; I guess I was born that way. So, in the week ahead I plan to pay more attention to myself…maybe go for a massage, read a book…basically learn to relax.

I tend to be a nag at the dinner table. I’m constantly saying, “Don’t talk with your mouth full. Sit down. Less talking, more eating. Use your manners.” Tonight I decided that for every time I have to nag someone, they have to put 25 cents in a jar. Sean (and Steve I might add) had to put in 75 cents. Sean cried because he didn’t want to give away his money but reluctantly put it in the jar anyway. Andrew thought it was kind of like playing poker. He also said we should keep this up for a year and he hoped to win all the money. Andrew explained that he would take the money to the hospital and give it to the people for cancer research. I have no doubt that he will...he still doesn't know.

me