Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

I’ve been introduced to the world of hot flashes. Yeah. In pre-menopausal women, chemotherapy can actually bring on menopause. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening to me now but it will be a topic of conversation at my next doctor’s appointment.

During the day, the hot flashes don’t bother me too much but at night it’s another story. It’s not the kind of heat that you can deal with by sticking your foot out from underneath the covers or by turning the pillow over for the cooler side; it’s like someone picked you up and dropped you beside a 1,000 degree pit of lava. The sensation usually starts from the head down. If I had any hair, I’d probably rip it out! I’m sure it only lasts a minute or two but it feels like forever.

Men have it so easy.

me

Blood Counts 101

Although my blood counts were at an acceptable level to have chemo last Friday, my counts were low. I had assumed that my counts would have been high because I was feeling great. I now know that there is not a direct correlation between the two.

There are several counts that the doctor checks before chemo and here is a lesson on the top four that they review.

White Blood Cells – White blood cells help protect against infection. An increase in WBC indicates that the body is fighting an infection. The normal range is 4.0 to 10.0. My counts have been 7.8, 9.9, 5.1 and 3.9.

Hemoglobin (Red Blood Cells) – Red blood cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body. If your hemoglobin in too low, the body isn’t getting the oxygen it needs – aka anemia. The normal range is 115 – 160. My counts have been 132, 128, 125 and 122.

Platelets – Platelets aid in the stoppage of bleeding. If your platelets are too low, uncontrolled bleeding can be a problem. If your platelets are too high, there is a risk of blood clots. The normal range is 150 – 400. My counts have been 308, 355, 375 and 301.

Neutrophil – Neutrophil is a type of white blood cell that helps to kill and digest microorganisms. The normal range is 2.0 – 7.5. My counts have been 5, 7.4, 2.9 and 1.5.

As many of you have probably guessed, I have all of these counts charted out quite nicely in Excel. Yes, I have found another exciting use for Excel outside of work.

Many thanks to the Groves clan for understanding my no hugging and kissing policy on Sunday.

me

Chemo Treatment 4 of 8

We’re half way through chemo people. Goodbye Adriamycin and Cyclophoshamide. After tomorrow I will also be done with Ondansetron, which is used to prevent nausea and vomiting. I received a briefing on the next four rounds which consist of two different drugs, Herceptin and Taxol. The first doses will be given a day apart so if I have any reactions to the drugs, they’ll know which drug is the culprit. For the three rounds after that, the drugs will be given together. Herceptin is the drug that I will continue to take every three weeks for a year. The Taxol has a lot of pre-med drugs associated with it, like 20 dexamethasone pills over a two day period! This is a steroid that helps with pain and tissue swelling. Needless to say, I’ll be wired for those two days.

Last night I decided to attend the luminary lighting at the Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life. Thank you to Rosie who purchased luminaries for Colleen and me. Steve and I found them appropriately side by side. Also a big thank you to Steve’s Aunt Suzi who came over on a moments notice to babysit Andrew and Sean. It was quite overwhelming to see the hundreds of luminaries lining the track at TD Waterhouse Stadium at UWO. It wasn’t a good to time forget Kleenex! It actually looked like quite a fun event; hopefully we will be able to participate next year.



Thanks again to everyone,
me

Scheduled Power Outage

I think I've got the pre-chemo routine down to a 'T' now. It's like preparing for a power outage every three weeks but it's just my power outage while the rest of the world continues on.

1. Check the calendar to see what birthday parties or other events are coming up in the next week and buy gifts, cards etc.
2. Figure out what recipes for Barb to make on Monday and buy groceries (don't forget two bags of milk).
3. Clean the house.
4. Pack knapsack for trip to Cancer Clinic. Include binder, iPod, magazines, snacks, water and DVD of choice.
5. Put Emla cream on to freeze port site. Bring drugs.

Today's power outage is scheduled for 1:45pm.

me

Support Group Revisited

Today was the second meeting of the support group. I am happy to report that today’s meeting was more along the lines of what I expected from the group. It was more about information sharing than feelings. Colleen and I still had a few moments where we knew that it was best not to look at each other. We’ll see what meeting #3 brings us next week.

Someone has asked if I knew that the tentative September 2nd date for the party fell on the long weekend. I chose that date for a two reasons. I figured most people would be back from summer vacation (I realize that some people may be getting in their last hurrah that weekend before school starts up again). But the main reason is that it is the weekend before my last chemo treatment. When we’re looking at doing anything requiring interaction with lots of people and energy, we choose the weekend before a chemo treatment, because that is when my blood counts will be up and when I have the most energy. It really limits the dates from which I can choose.

Talk to you later,
me

Dr. Evil and Mini-Me

This morning I went to a store that sold various hats, scarves, wigs and handkerchiefs. I tend to wear baseball hats wherever I go and decided to get something new. I find that when I wear a baseball hat for long periods of time, when I take the hat off, my head looks like a baseball because you can see the indent of the stitching from the hat all over my head. My cousin is getting married next month and although I have a nice selection of baseball hats, it’s probably not an appropriate thing to wear to the wedding. My mom says I should just go bald…we’ll see. Anyway, back to the store. The woman in the store kindly showed me where the hats were and sat me down in front of a mirror. I had a handkerchief in mind …she had a turban in mind. “Just let me try it on you,” she said. So I sat there while she kept winding this thing around and around my head. I politely explained that it wasn’t the look I was going for and managed to untangle all the material off my head. In the end, I found a ‘Hope Cap’ which is basically a fitted handkerchief. A woman makes them and donates a portion of the proceeds to Breast Cancer research. Hopefully it will do the trick.

Okay, so Steve just walked in the room and read this then asked where I had put the new handkerchief. He picked it up and put it on me backwards (although he probably thought it was the right way). As soon as he started laughing I knew what he was thinking…I looked like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me from Austin Powers in Goldmember when they sing “Hard Knock Life” in the jail. It’s a good thing that we both have the same sense of humour.



me

"I Didn't Know That Kim Golfed?"

Today I played in the Peggy Collins Memorial Golf Tournament. (I know you’re saying, “I didn’t know that Kim golfed?” Well, I don’t. Today was my first time playing golf.) Peggy worked at the university, and she passed away from ovarian cancer several years ago. Proceeds from the tournament will benefit Ovarian Cancer research at the London Regional Cancer Program.

It was a ‘best ball’ tournament, which is good because if it was a ‘hit your own ball’ tournament, I’d probably still be out on the course. I am proud to say that our team used 3 or 4 of my drives and a few other shots here and there. Our team won the coveted title of “Most Honest Team” (aka Last Place Team). Thank you to Sandra who kept checking to see if my arm was okay. It actually didn’t bother me too much. It only hurts when I straighten my arm which I guess you’re supposed to do when you swing but I’ve made up my own technique. All in all the day was good fun…dare I say that golf is a sport that I might actually take up one day? Many thanks to Andrea for letting me borrow her clubs (I only lost 2 of your balls and I will replace them). Lastly, thanks to Sandra, Allen and Deanne for a great day.

Time to crash,
me

Pink Party - Tentative Date

Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had my mind set on having a party when the treatments where finished. Originally, I thought that this would happen at the end of the summer so I’ve always envisioned an outdoor party. Well, I now know that my last chemo treatment will be in mid-September and my radiation treatments will take me through to the end of November. Not a great time of year for an outdoor party. I’ve decided to have a party at the end of the summer anyway to celebrate just being here and how far I’ve made it through the treatments. So, mark your calendars – in pencil – for Sat. September 2nd. Everyone is welcome. Closer to the date, I’ll send out another note to confirm the date and to get people to e-mail me if they plan on coming. I’m not sure if I should expect 10 people or 210 people. So go find yourself something pink to wear. You have 3 months…no excuses.

me

Show and Tell

Yesterday when I got to the daycare to pick up Sean, he was sitting down having a snack with the rest of his classmates. I came into his class and bent down beside the table where he was sitting. Sean then proceeded to pull back the opening of my shirt to reveal the scar from my port. As he did, he said, "Hey everybody, look at this." How nice to be part of show and tell.

I've had several people ask to see the port. I guess what I failed to explain is that you can't see the port because it was put under my skin. All you can see is a scar...sorry, no visible Bonic Woman gadgets. When I have chemo or bloodwork, the nurse feels for the middle of the port and that's where she sticks the needle in. The port has a rubber dome that the needle goes through; it also has a metal backing so the nurse knows when to stop pushing the needle in. In between the rubber dome and the metal back is a resevoir that is hooked into a vein that allows them to draw blood. Because I could technically set off a metal detector now, I have a Medical Alert card to carry with me in case I set off any alarms. Hmmm...sounds like something fun to put on my to do list.

me

What Drugs Are You On?

Today Colleen and I went to our first support group meeting. There were 4 other women with breast cancer there plus a facilitator. The room was set up much like someone’s living room. I had a feeling that maybe this wasn’t going to be for me as soon as the facilitator started. She said that she likes to have someone light a candle at the beginning of each meeting…something about having a small light during what can be a time of darkness. Ok, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I almost turned to Colleen to ask when they were going to bring the Ouiji board out but I knew if I made eye contact with her, I would burst out laughing.

The meeting then went into introductions and then focused on feelings. We were paired up for four minute conversations with each person and were given topics to discuss i.e. What are you afraid of? What do you need? How has the diagnosis changed your life? I can see this forum as being very beneficial for some of the women in the group because they feel that they can’t express their true feelings to their friends and family. I, on the other hand, really haven’t held anything back from anyone so I didn’t feel that that part of the meeting was very beneficial for me. At the end of the meeting, the facilitator had everyone stand together around the candle then had someone blow it out. Again, no eye contact with Colleen.

I guess I was hoping for more conversations like, What drugs are you on? What kind of tumor did you have? Who’s your oncologist? How are your kids coping? Maybe we’ll get there. I’ve decided to give the group another try next week.

me

For The Coffee Club...

As I was lying in bed this morning, I was thinking that I must get up and write something for the ‘Coffee Club’.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my family doctor to check out my right arm. Over the past 5 or 6 days, I’ve been loosing the range of motion in that arm (surgery side). My arm feels like its bruised and when I try to straighten it, I feel like I’m going to pass out. My concern was that it was lymphedema, which occurs in approximately 4% of people who have axcillary node dissections. Basically it’s an accumulation of lymphatic fluid caused when lymph nodes are removed. (If you have a plumbing system and you take out some of the pipes, when the same amount of water tries to go through the system, it slows down and gets backed up.) Anyway, it can be permanent and it’s not nice. The doctor said that it wasn’t lymphedema; some how I have inflamed the tendon in my arm. Hopefully in a week or so, it should be back to normal.

There’s your fix for today,

me

Brian's Landscaping

This past weekend, we, or I should say, my dad, built a garden at the front of the house. For those who know my dad, you know that he has a green thumb. Steve, Andrew, Sean and I simply followed my dad’s directions on where to dig the holes and what plants to put in the holes. I think Sean probably knows the names of more of the plants than I do. We are very happy with the end result and so was our neighbour Moira who decided to make a sign for all of my dad’s efforts. My dad had a good laugh this morning when he came to pick up Sean.

Enjoying the garden,

me

Turn Around

I think today was the turn around point for my engery level. Basically after a chemo treatment, my engery takes a nose dive for a about a week then it slowly starts to build up in time for the next round. I never realized how tired I would be of being tired. It's incredibly frustrating for me since I'm used to being on the go all the time. At an earlier appointment, the nurse pointed out that frustration over the lack of energy is very common. I guess I'm normal then.

I had Rosemary from work e-mail me an Excel file the other day so I can work on a report. When I opened the file, it was like my brain turned on again after all these months. I was almost drooling when I looked at all the numbers and formulas! The life of an accountant...

I am happy to report that my friend Colleen had her surgery yesterday and is doing well at home getting acquainted with her "squeeze box".

My best to you all,

me

If You Like Pina Coladas And Getting Caught In The Rain...

That’s the song that was going through my head as I got drenched on my walk tonight. I thought the storm had passed …oops. I walked home as fast as my squishy flip-flops would take me. As I turned the corner towards the house, I could see Steve and the boys standing on the front porch smiling and clapping like I had just run a race or something. Steve and Andrew got back to their X-Box game and Sean decided to join me outside. I stood and watched while Sean did laps around the court in his bare feet and jumped in the puddles. I’m sure the neighbours thought we were crazy but sometimes it just feels good to stand in the rain.

me

The Scale

There is a common misconception by people like myself, that people going through chemo treatments lose weight. There are hundreds of different chemo drugs and some can make you feel nauseous, and therefore cause weight loss. I’m not on those drugs. There was a small part of me that thought maybe I would lose the extra pounds from 2 pregnancies during my treatments. I know, bad attitude, but I’m always trying to look for the positive side. I know that having an appetite at this stage of the game is a good thing as my body needs all the nutrients it can get to repair itself after being poisoned every three weeks. Still, the scale has been my enemy that begs me to stand on it. There’s always the few second before the numbers pop up that I think just maybe my weight has gone down but no luck. I know it’s only about 5 pounds but still with all the poking and prodding, slicing and dicing that I’ve been through, it ticks me off.

Just getting it out of my head,

me

Dilemma

Today Barb came over to cook some more dinners while I flaked out on the couch. I think Steve and I are set for meals for the week. Usually my dilemma would be getting home from work and not knowing what to cook; now my dilemma is what meal do I choose that's already made. What a treat.

As I mentioned earlier, Andrew never gets sick but since I started getting chemo every 3 weeks, he's been sick every 3 weeks. Last night Steve ended up taking Andrew to emerg. Turns out he has an ear infection. Let's hope that's the end of his streak of sickness.

Just waiting for the boys energy to run out before mine so I can get them off to bed.

All for now,
me

Chemo Treatment 3 of 8

Even though my blood counts were lower than those at my last treatment, they still fell within the normal range so I was able to have round three today. Three down, five to go. We were able to use the port today (I wore a v-neck t-shirt in case you were curious) which worked very well...hands free chemo.

Today I brought my iPod and portable DVD player; both of which helped to pass the time (2 hour wait just to get in to see the nurse) and drown out the harmonica man. It appears that many patients enjoy the music of the harmonica man but for me it just makes the waiting more irritating. It's like rubbing salt in a wound. Steve forgot his headphones and offered me $200 for mine, but I turned him down.

I'm not experiencing the lag time anymore that I had between the treatment and the fatigue. It's here, like a bad hangover. Having said that, I think I'll call it a night.

me

Energy

I had a visit with my family doctor today and she took the bandages off from the port surgery. Everything looks good. I must say it’s my favourite scar so far; it actually looks more like a thin scratch.

Today I found the energy that I was hoping to find before tomorrow’s chemo. So I washed the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms and did the laundry. I already got the lecture from my mom, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that. I could have helped you.” My reply was simple. When I have the time, I actually like to clean. It could be the high I get from the cleaners or the way the vacuum drowns out the rest of the world or the fact that I can play my music as loud as I want but I think really boils down to feeling like I’ve actually accomplished something. I know that tomorrow at this time you won’t even be able to tell that I cleaned the house but for a few hours, it makes me happy.

Later,
me

Support Group

I received a call the other day from Wellspring to say that they have enough people to start another breast cancer support group on June 7th. We'll meet every Wednesday for 8 weeks.

As soon as my friend Colleen called to tell me she also had breast cancer, I told her to get on the waiting list for the support group. I remember when Colleen called me back to say that she was number 8 on the list and we only needed to find 2 more people; we were actually excited. We laughed at how odd it was to wish this upon 2 more people. I am glad we will be there together and if it doesn't work out, you'll find us at the movies on Wednesday afternoons.

me

Tube Top

I’m feeling more tired and weak today than I’d like to admit. I’m convincing myself that it’s probably the residual effects of last Thursday’s surgery. I am slightly concerned about this Friday’s blood work and hope that my counts will be high enough for me to have the chemo.

Speaking of chemo, I will be able to try out my new port-a-cath at the next treatment. (Here's a picture of what it looks like http://bardaccess.com/port-arterial.php) I must get to the drug store to buy some Emla Cream which is a topical cream that is put on the skin over the port. This will help numb the pain of the intravenous needle. My dilemma now, as strange as it sounds, is what to wear to the next chemo treatment. The port is on my left side. If you find the midpoint of my collar bone then go south 4 inches, that’s where you’ll find the port. The only kind of top that I can think would work is a tube top but I haven’t worn one of those since I was eight and I’m not planning on wearing one again. If I was in a private room I would just let it all hang out but at the clinic you’re in an huge ‘L’ shaped room with chairs and beds lined up on both sides of the room with little or no privacy.

Thank you to all of the people who e-mailed me after my last posting. I now know that the Marriott Hotel is well liked as 4 different people claim that they could have been the one viewing the blog from the hotel. Tanya T. - As for RSS feeds, Steve’s working on tracking those too.

Good night,

me