Farewell 2006

We have enjoyed a busy week at The Groves. Of course there was Christmas on Monday, then the Lincoln Christmas on Wednesday then Andrew’s hockey tournament for the rest of the week. The team made it to the finals where they lost when the other team scored to make it 5 to 4 with 28 seconds on the clock. It was a real nail biter.

Tonight the kids dined on McDonalds while Steve and I had a catered meal from Custom Cuisine. It was fabulous!!! We officially toasted the end of 2006. It was certainly an interesting year to say the least. I just wanted you all to know that the challenge of the past year was made easier by the many e-mails, phone calls, cards and visits from you all…they kept me going. I sat down the other day and re-read all of my cards…wow…I have a lot of friends and family!

Thank you to my parents who would do anything for us, at any time of day, no questions asked. Thank you to my brother, who gave me his St. Christopher’s medal (St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers) to wear on the day I was diagnosed. It has kept me safe on this journey. Thank you to Andrew and Sean for being two happy, silly, crazy boys. A special thank you to Steve who has been there for me every step of the way from the tests, the appointments, the diagnosis, the chemo, the radiation, the ups and the downs. We are a good team.

Farewell 2006.

me

Merry Christmas

Just a quick post to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

We had a great time today. Andrew was up at 5am but we managed to hold him off until 6:30am. Then, we woke up Sean to open our stockings and gifts. We all got some amazing things.

I hope everyone had a good day.

me

T'was the Night Before Christmas...

That's what the calendar is telling me but it's hard to believe. Steve and the boys are outside golfing on the front lawn and someone down the street is flying a kite. I've just come back from doing some shopping. I promised myself some new clothes for when I go back to work so I thought I would take advantage of some of the Boxing Day sales that have already started.

I got my wish to have hair for Christmas. I've actually scheduled a hair appointment for the beginning of the year to even it out a bit.

Well, I better get the troops in for dinner.

Merry Christmas to all; and to all a goodnight.

me

Tamoxifen

Today I had my Herceptin infusion; it was infusion number 9 of 18 so I’m half way there. I also had some blood work done today. Although my white cell count was low, everything looks to be in the acceptable levels. It was actually nice to be back at the Cancer Clinic today to see some familiar faces…the radiation technician, radiation receptionist, Cancer Society volunteers and countless others.

The main topics covered in my appointment with the nurse practitioner today were my return to work and Tamoxifen. I will be returning to work at UWO on January 29th. I will be working part-time for 2 weeks then hopefully I’ll be back fulltime in mid-February.

When the pathologist did the biopsy on my tumour, they found out that it was estrogen receptor positive. Basically the estrogen was promoting the growth of breast cancer cells by causing the cancer cells to divide and multiply. What the Tamoxifen will do is slow or stop the growth of cancer cells. I will likely stay on Tamoxifen, an oral pill taken daily, for two years. Once it has been confirmed that I am officially in menopause, I will probably switch to taking an aromatase inhibitor. The aromatase inhibitors block the conversion of aromatase, an enzyme pumped out by adrenal glands near the kidneys, into estrogen. In women who are premenopausal, the aromatase inhibitors may actually boost estrogen levels so that is why I can’t take them now. Like all medications, there are side effects to taking Tamoxifen. The most common being hot flashes (just when I thought I had that under control), nausea and weight gain. In reading an article about Tamoxifen, one woman said she gained 20 pounds while another gained 60lbs!!! %$*&!!! Less common side effects include bone pain, swelling at the tumour and blood clots.

That’s about all my brain can process for today. Take care.

me

Volume

When my hair started to grow back, my dad kindly bought me a bottle of 'volumizing' shampoo. He is always asking if I have used it yet. So Dad, these pictures are for you. The shampoo really works as you can see from the before and after shots.




Thanks,

me

beyond

Last night when I went out to buy some stamps for my Christmas cards (which are still not done), I quickly scanned the magazine racks. A bright pink magazine caught my eye…it was called ‘beyond’. I picked it up and noticed that this was the premier issue of a magazine focused on living and thriving after breast cancer. Needless to say, I bought it, and it is a magazine I will be reading from cover to cover. It’s amazing to have a magazine with articles such as, “Chemo Brain…It’s Not in Your Head”, “T & A… Tamoxifen or Aromatase Inhibitors…What Do You Really Know About These Wonder Drugs?” (not popular articles for Cosmo or People). It’s also sad that there are enough readers out there with breast cancer to warrant the creation of the magazine.

me

Snow Day

Yesterday I was planning to go to the university to attend a meeting I wanted to participate in. It was going to be my first real taste of work after many months away. Instead, the university was closed because of the all of the snow. Is this a coincidence or should I take it as a sign?!?

Yesterday when the kids found out that there was no school, they got dressed faster than any morning I can remember. They spent at least five hours outside playing in the snow. This photo is a picture of Andrew and Max, our neighbour, trying to build a fort out of the snow bank in the driveway while Sean, peeking over the top, had other plans.

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Healing

My appointments last week were uneventful as expected. You would think that I would be tired of going to the hospital by now but I actually find comfort in being there. I know so many of the staff there and they take care of me.

Now that the physical healing is well underway, it’s all about the mental healing now. I know that my prognosis is great but you know how the mind works. Every time I get an ache or pain, I have to remind myself that everyone has aches and pains…it doesn’t mean the cancer is back.

Last week Sean had his fifth birthday. How time flies.




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Another Update

I have been a little lax on my blog updates since I finished radiation, so here’s an update. I will be seeing the surgeon tomorrow for a follow-up appointment. I don’t except much to come out of this appointment but since I haven’t flashed anyone in awhile, I figure I’m due.

On Friday I will be back in the Cancer Clinic for a Herceptin infusion.

I’ve contacted the Genetics Department at the Cancer Clinic and my test results are still not finished. They took my blood in May!

My dose of Effexor was doubled which has helped with the hot flashes. I still get the hot flashes but they aren’t as intense so I am able to sleep better.

My skin is still peeling and healing from the radiation boosts.

That’s about it.

me

Peeling

The radiologist was right when she said that my skin would get worse before it got better. I’ve been peeling in places that have never peeled before and the skin under my arm appears to be blistering. I’ve been given a prescription of Flamazine which in an antibiotic topical cream that they give to burn victims. I’m told that in another week or two, the skin should start to get back to normal.

Today I made a trip to the dentist that had been put off because it is not recommended that you have any dental work done while you are having cancer treatments. Actually, I made the trip down to St. Thomas yesterday to see my dentist. After I took my coat off and found a magazine to read, the receptionist called me and said, “You do realize your appointment is tomorrow.” I guess if I had to screw up any appointment, that was the best one to choose

me

Cartwheel

Today was the end of another chapter. Radiation is finally done.

Steve came with me to my appointment today…it was nice to have some company. When I signed in with the ladies at the radiation reception desk, they asked me if I was going to do cartwheels since it was my last treatment. I said that I was hoping some confetti was going to fall from the ceiling when the radiation machine turned off. After the treatment was over and I was walking out to the change room, my brother was there with a dozen red roses. I have been lucky to have him close by for all my treatments since he works next door to the Cancer Clinic. After I changed out of my hospital gown, I went up to the ladies at the reception desk, tucked in my shirt and said, “Are you ready for my cartwheel?” They said they were only joking, but I wasn’t…you know how I love a challenge. They didn’t want me to hit someone in front of the Tim Horton’s so they followed me down the hall where I did my cartwheel. It was a satisfying end to a long process.

It seemed fitting to end radiation on the '15th'; I think Jamie had something to do that one.

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Break

Today I am thankful that the Cancer Clinic is closed to observe Rememberance Day. It was nice to have a break from going to the hospital. My skin appreciated the break too as some of the skin on my neck and under my arm is uncomforatably raw.

Two more days and the hardcore treatments will be done. It's hard to believe.

me

Today

The purpose of the radiation boosts is to kill any cancer cells that may be lingering around the scar site. The radiation doesn’t have much of an affect to the on the first centimeter of skin, which is where they want the radiation to so it’s job, so they put a sheet of thick rubber over my scar to act as the first centimeter of tissue. That way, the radiation will be focused on the superficial area of my skin, where it’s needed. The attachment that they put on the radiation machine comes about 1cm away from my scar. In order to have the machine line up parallel to my scar, they have me lay on my side with a pillow between my legs, a foam wedge to support my back and my arm over my head. At times I feel like a contortionist. Anyway, three more to go. Today I will also be in the chemo suite to have another infusion of Herceptin; this will be number 5 of 17.

Have a good weekend,

me

Sunburn

Today was radiation appointment number 25...5 more to go.

Now I know what it's like to get a sunburn from sunbathing topless. Not that I was ever that curious before, but now I know. I don't recommend it.

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Mark-up Appointment

This week I had my mark-up appointment for the five radiation boost treatments. They took a clear piece of think plastic (8cm x 10cm) and placed it over the scar. They traced around the plastic to indicate the area that will receive the boost (I looked like I was attacked with a green marker when they were done). Then they took the plastic rectangle off and put a transparency sheet on top of me and traced the scar and rectangle outline. After that was done they asked if they could take a digital picture; they promised they wouldn’t get my head in the shot. Nice. Once they had isolated the area to receive the boost, they then had to figure out the depth of the scar in comparison to my lung. The technician did this by way of an ultrasound. Knowing the distance between the scar and my lung will tell them how deep the radiation can go so they can avoid radiating my lung.

Another day of learning.

me

Spring

Although the calendar is telling me that it’s the first of November, it feels like spring to me. It’s like my body had been in hibernation for the past eight months and now my eyelashes, eyebrow, hair and nerve ending are all starting to grow. Now I just have to work on shedding those extra pounds. Having a ton of candy around the house right now is not helping!

Happy Spring,

me

Boosts

At my appointment with the radiologist this week, she commented on how good my skin looked given the number of treatments I've had. So far the skin is a bit pink, kind of like a sunburn, but not too sore. I have learned that the last 5 radiation treatments are radiation boosts to the scar where the tumor was, and not radiation to the entire breast and lymph node area. These radiation boosts have proven to be beneficial for younger women to prevent the cancer from reoccurring in the same spot. Next week I'll have a 'mark up' appointment where they will create a template for the radiation machine so it can zap the scar with electrons ...or was it protons...anyway, it was something that sounded vaguely familiar from high school science.

Have a good weekend.

me

Half Way There

This morning I had radiation treatment number 15; 15 more to go.

My eyebrows are starting to grow back which is amazing because my drawing is pathetic. I'm also getting the feeling back in my fingers too which is a bonus. I guess things are starting to get back to normal, yippee.

me

Waiting, Waiting and More Waiting

Friday turned out to be a very long day. The blood work scheduled for 10:30am didn’t happen until 11am; the doctor’s appointment scheduled for 11am didn’t happen until 1pm (I actually fell asleep in the examining room waiting for the doctor to come in) and the Herceptin infusion scheduled for 12:15 didn’t happen until 3:15pm. Luckily, radiation was able to schedule me in early while I was waiting for the Herceptin. It always amazes me when Colleen tells me that her appointments run on time.

One of the main questions I had for the doctor was when I could expect to go back to work. I was told that we would discuss my return to work at my next appointment with her which will be on December 22. So at this point it looks like I won’t be back to work until the New Year. I guess that will help me avoid putting on those extra pounds over the holidays as every year Finance seems to have a continuous buffet of treats starting on December 1st!

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Hospital Gowns

Radiation is moving right along. Today I had treatment #12. I’m getting quite comfortable with the radiation area in the Cancer Clinic. I know most of the technicians by first name; I know that the hospital gowns with the plaid pattern are the warmest and I know the magazine with the Sheryl Crow article will be on the first table in the waiting room. I read a page of the article everyday while I'm waiting and I should be finished the article tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a long day. Blood work at 10:30am. Meet with the oncologist at 11am. Herceptin infusion at 12:15pm then radiation at 3:15pm.

It’s amazing what the body can endure.

me

Halloween

Attending formal events makes me anxious. It’s the hair thing again.

Steve and I went to a wedding on the weekend. I spent the morning of the wedding running around the mall trying to find a plain black scarf to match my outfit; you would think that would be an easy task. The scarves were either too long, too short, too thick, the wrong colour or had fringe or bells at the ends. (I’d look like a gypsy for sure in that one.) I finally found a fairly plain black scarf. As we left the house on the way to the wedding, I still wasn’t convinced that the scarf would work but I shoved it in my purse anyway. On the car ride there, I decided that I would wear the scarf (but I really just wanted my baseball hat).

During the evening when I went to use the washroom, I looked in the mirror and thought, “I’m glad I didn’t wear gold hoop earring because I look like a pirate.” Maybe I’ll use one of the kid’s eye patches and be a pirate for Halloween! Oh, the joys of being bald.

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Dream

Last night I had a dream that I had long hair again...it was great. It was probably because Colleen told me that she felt the wind in her hair the other day. I too have had the same experience; it's strange how it catches you off guard.

I think being completely bald is easier than having my hair grow in. It doesn't all grow in at the same time; it's patchy. I will never complain about at bad haircut again.

me

More Crazy Numbers

The other day the radiology technician asked me what I was thinking about as I was laying there getting the radiation treatment. I said I found it uncomfortable that all the technicians left the room during treatment and I was laying there with the machine inches away from my head. Was my brain getting fried too? She explained that the machines are very precise and that there is very little scatter of the radiation. Basically, she reassured me that there is no harm to the parts of me that don’t need radiation. The reason why the technicians leave the room is that they treat 40 patients a day and when you multiply that by days, weeks, months and years, the scatter could add up to have harmful effects on the technicians.

It is amazing how many people get radiation at the clinic each day. There are 9 radiation rooms. Multiply that by 40 patients per room and you get 360 people a day getting radiation treatments. More crazy numbers.

me

Appointments

So far I haven't had any problems from the radiation. The radiation has a cummulative effect so I won't likely see any side effects for a week or two.

Today I'm off to the South Street hospital for another Wall Motion Study at 9:45am. This is the test that they perform to see how my heart has been affected by the Herceptin. Then I'm off to the Cancer Clinic for radiation at 12pm. This will mark my 38th doctor's appointment/test since I detected the lump on January 30th. Crazy.

me

1 Down, 29 to Go

Yesterday I had my first radiation appointment. Compared to chemotherapy treatments, it was fairly quick and uneventful. I know I showed you this picture before but, here is the picture of the machine they use to do radiation treatments. http://www.lrcc.on.ca/general/tour-radtreatment.xml Basically I lay down on the table (not very cushy) and have my arm above my head like I’m going to throw a ball. There are 3 people that do all the set-up in the dark using the laser beams that come down from the ceiling. They use the tattoos as guides then play connect the dots with green marker. When I’m all lined up they turn the lights on and leave the room so the radiation can begin. The machine radiates from 4 positions; front, back, 45 degree angle on the right and 45 degree angle on the left. My job is to lay as still as possible praying that I don’t cough, sneeze or get an itch somewhere.

Today I’m back for treatment #2 at 12:30pm then I’ll meet with my radiologist at 1:10pm. They give you a weeks worth of appointments at a time so I’m booked until next Tuesday. Unfortunately the treatments are at a different time everyday so I’m constantly checking the calendar.

Have a good one.

me

I Did It!

I must admit that a mix of emotions was going through me this morning as I prepared for the run. I was excited, nervous and anxious all rolled up into one. (I was also tired from The Who concert the night before.)

When we arrived at the park we quickly found my mom, dad, brother (Happy Birthday) and his family who all came equipped with their signs of encouragement. At the starting line there must have been a few thousand people filling the streets. I’m happy to report that I ran the majority of the 5km run with Steve and his cousin Tyler by my side. As I approached the finish line, my family and their signs stuck out from the crowd. There were a few tears but for the most part I managed to keep it together.

I am also proud to report that I had $4,138.25 in sponsors for the fun. In total over $544,000 was raised at the London run for Breast Cancer research. Amazing.

Thank you to all of you for your support.

me

Normal Again

I’m finally starting to feel somewhat normal again after starting to take the Effexor. A friend of mine from the support group has been taking Effexor for hot flashes for a few months now. She had mentioned that it caused insomnia for her so she took the medication in the morning so she could sleep better at night. I decided to take the Effexor in the morning too since insomnia didn’t appeal to me. Well, I’ve found out that the medication has the opposite affect on me; it reminds me of the near face plant experience that I had when I was taking sleeping pills back in February. Needless to say, now I take the drugs before bed. For the first few days I would be drowsy until about 3pm the next day! The last few days have been better. I guess it just takes some time for the body to adjust.

I’m back to the Cancer Clinic tomorrow for my Herceptin infusion. The appointment should only be about 2 hours instead of the 6-7 hours it took when I had to have chemo too. Yeah.

me

Phase Two

Yesterday I found out that I will start my radiation treatments next Tuesday, October 3rd. I'll be getting 30 treatments so I'll be going to the hospital everyday, excluding the weekends, for the next 6 weeks.

me

Yoga

I started taking Yoga classes yesterday at Wellspring. To my surprise, I actually found it to be relaxing. It was also nice to meet several breast cancer survivors and share experiences.

The Run for the Cure is almost one week away. I had hoped to be running most of it but my energy level hasn’t been great. It may take me a bit longer to walk to the finish line, but I’ll get there. Many thanks to those of you who have sponsored me. It’s not too late for those of you who are still thinking about it. The link is https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com. Click on ‘Donate to a Participant’, type my name and the run location of London.

Thanks again,
me

Hot Flashes 101

Yesterday I had my appointment with the Hot Flash Clinic. For those of you who haven’t experienced the joys of hot flashes, here’s why doctors believe hot flashes occur. Hot flashes are likely caused by a decrease in estrogen which can occur with many cancer treatments. The decrease in estrogen affects the hypothalamus, which is the part of the brain that controls body temperature. When there is a decrease in estrogen, the brain thinks the body is too hot. The brain then produces a chemical to help cool the body which results in an increased heart rate, enlarged blood vessels in the skin to let heat escape and sweat to cool the skin. So, when the hot flash is done, you get the chills because you’ve been sweating. Hot flashed induced by chemotherapy are often more intense than if you had hot flashes with regular old menopause.

In clinical trials, doctors have found that the frequency of hot flashes can be reduced up to 80% with low dose anti-depressants. I’m not really excited about taking anti-depressants but at this point I’m so tired from not sleeping at night that I’m willing to try anything. The dose of Effexor I will be taking is 37.5 mg and the dose to treat actual depression is around 200 – 300mg. I’ll be keeping a ‘hot flash log’ for the next two days to get a baseline then I’ll start taking Effexor on Friday. It will likely take 2 or 3 weeks to kick in. I hope it works!

me

Funny Cancer Moments

I just thought I’d share with you some of the funnier cancer moments I’ve had. As they say, laughter is the best medicine.

Now that my hair is starting to sprout, on a weekly basis Sean says to me, “Mom, I don’t want your hair to grow. I like your hair better bald.” I’ve tried to explain that mommy really wants hair again but Sean continues to protest.

I had a plumber do some work in the house last month, when I opened the door he said, “I like your haircut.” I’m not sure if he was just nervous and didn’t know what to say or if he was trying to be funny. I laughed anyway and told him I wasn’t bald by choice.

I got a phone call from a department store telling me I should buy extra insurance for my credit card. I would have an extra three year warranty on all purchases; my card balance would be paid for in the event of the death of my spouse; blah, blah, blah. Then she said, if I got cancer before the age of 70, they would pay the balance on my credit card. (When we moved into the house, we bought the new appliances on one of those ‘No interest for 24 months’ deals.) For a split second I thought I could get the appliances paid off! I started to laugh. I told her I had cancer. In a very stern voice she said, “That’s not funny.” It was to me. Anyway, I told her that even though I had cancer, we weren’t having any problems making our credit card payments. She ended the conversation pretty quickly.

There you go.

me

Resume

I’m having one of my deep thoughts moments today so bear with me.

Being diagnosed with cancer can be a frightening experience. I will admit that, but, once you get past the initial shock and tests, it’s not so frightening anymore. You can’t live everyday being scared so you just have to keeping moving forward. There’s still laundry to do, meals to make, driving to hockey practices, swimming lessons, birthday parties, etc. Instead of going to UWO to work on financial statements, I stay at home and work on me…that’s my new job. Like any new job there are some anxieties but you learn to manage them. You meet lots of new people; you learn new things; and you get compensated. No, I’m not being paid to have cancer. It’s not about money; it’s about gaining a better perspective, a new appreciation of family, friends and life in general. When you’ve had to come face to face with your own mortality at the age of 36, you really understand all that ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’ stuff.

Although this new job of taking care of myself will never end, I do feel that I should be entitled to put ‘Cancer Survivor’ on my resume under the section on Personal Accomplishments. (Attention all UWO employees – I am not working on my resume. I am not looking for a new job. This was done for effect only…I will be back.)

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Tattoos

This morning I had my CT Simulation appointment to get things prepared for radiation treatment. I met with a resident first then got changed and laid down on the CT machine where I was put into the position that I will be in for all the radiation appointments. We tried different head rests and arms rests out until they felt comfortable….yeah, right. There were four people involved in the process, one being a doctor who was obviously going through her own cancer treatments. They all took turns drawing on me and moving me on the machine then they would congregate in a closed room and watch me through the window as the machine passed over me. (Kind of like being moved through a donut that has a rotating middle.) It felt weird having everyone leave the room to watch behind safer quarters. When the machine was done, they would come out of the room and draw some more. When they were happy with the machine positioning, I had 5 tattoos put on me that will aid in the machine set-up for each radiation session. The remainder of the program set-up will take about a week and a half for the technicians. Sometime in the next two weeks, I will get a call for my first radiation appointment; I’m told it will likely be before the end of the month.

After my appointment I paid Colleen a surprise visit. It was great to sit and chat about things that only other cancers patients can appreciate and understand like ‘chemo brain’, hair/lack of hair issues, drugs, tattoos, sleep, etc., etc. I’m glad we have each other.
me

Chemo Treatment 8 of 8

Done. Finishing the last chemo treatment has come with a sense of accomplishment and relief. The anxiety has slowly slipped away. When I talked to my oncologist on Thursday about my anxiety, she reminded me that I’d still be taking plenty of preventative drugs. I’ll still be going to the Cancer Centre every 3 weeks for Herceptin infusions until July 2007 and I’ll probably be on Tamoxifen, an oral hormone, for 5 years.

Next week starts the beginning of a new phase of treatment, radiation. On Tuesday I will be going to a Radiation Treatment Planning session. At the appointment they will be tattooing me so that the machine (http://www.lrcc.on.ca/general/tour-radtreatment.xml)can be lined up correctly and quickly each time I go for treatment. I’m not sure when my first radiation appointment will be but the oncologist said the treatments usually start after the chemo is out of my system, so around 3 or 4 weeks from now. I’m sure I’ll have more details to report next week.

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Security Blanket

Two more sleeps until my last chemo treatment. Although you would think this is an exciting time for me, I’m actually more anxious about this treatment than any other. For me the chemotherapy is like a security blanket, as long as the drugs keep doing their job, I feel safe. Without the drugs, I need to rely on my body’s defense system to keep me healthy. The scary thing is that 8 months ago, I was walking around feeling healthy but little did I know I had about 1 billion cancer cells in me (that’s the number of cancer cells the doctor said were in a tumor of my size – 1cm).

The other root of this anxiety comes from a solicitation letter from the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. The letter was written by a man who lost his wife to breast cancer. In a nutshell, his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a year and a half of treatments then was told she was cancer free. Two months later they found that the cancer had spread to her liver and lungs then she died shortly there after. So, you just never know…be thankful for every day you have.

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Thank you

The first thing Andrew said to me this morning was, “Can we have another Pink Party next year?” I know the kids had a great time and Steve and I did too.

This is the part where I give my ‘thank you’ speech. I won’t name names for fear of leaving someone out….here goes.

Thank you to those for coming from near and far. Thank you to those who couldn’t make it but sent their best wishes. Thank you to the set up crew, the serving crew and the clean-up crew. Thank you to those who brought food, flowers, wine, champagne, treats and other goodies. Thank you to those who sponsored me for my run. Thank you for making it a great day that I will never forget.

me

Rain, Rain Go Away...

We’re back. It felt like a very quick four days up at the cottage. The weather was perfect; warm days and cool nights. Fall was definitely in the air. The kids had a great time jumping off the dock and swimming. They managed to get some fishing in too. Andrew/Steve caught a pint sized fish; I think you can just see its head sticking out from Steve’s hand in the picture. It was a much needed time for our family to get away and have fun together.



















The party is fast approaching and it looks like there will be well over 100 people here over the course of the day. I must say I am a wee bit stressed with the weather situation since there is now a 90% chance of rain…so much for the earlier forecast. I had a vision of how everything was going to be set up in the backyard so now I’m working on plan B. I’m sure it will all work out.

The Details
We’re at 15 Cobblestone Road. From Highbury Ave North, turn west on to Edgevalley Road (between Killarney Road and Kilally Road), take your first right on Cobblestone Gate then right again on Cobblestone Road. It is the third house on the right in the court. (There is no parking on the south side of the court.) Show up anytime after 3pm.

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Mountain Lake

Arrangements for the party are well under way. Tables and chairs have been rented; Costco has been visited several times; the freezer is stuffed with food; Steve put a small dent in the Beer Store; my Dad has done all the lawn and garden prep. work; my Mom has been dusting things I never even knew needed dusting and I have bought every pink thing that every dollar store in London had available. Now all we need is good weather. The long range forecast is calling for sun and 25 degrees…let’s hope they’re right!

Tomorrow, the boys and I will be heading to Toronto to pick up Steve, who has been away at a conference, and then driving up to the cottage on Mountain Lake. It’s a great place to hang out, relax and just get away from it all. So, I’ll be signing off for a few days.

Talk to you later,
me

Run For The Cure

Shortly after I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I envisioned myself running in the annual Run for the Cure. I pictured myself wearing the running bib that said, “I’m Running For…Me”. I guess that’s probably why I sign off each blog as ‘me’. So this is the method to my recent madness of trying to get back into running. I know there are several others planning to do the race on October 1st so when you see me there, don’t be alarmed when you see me balling at the finish line (in fact I can cry right now just thinking about it). It will be an accomplishment for me on so many levels. So if you are interested in sponsoring me (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) you can donate on-line at www.cibcrunforthecure.com and click “Donate to a Participant and type my name ( I will be running in the London race).

Thanks,
me

Guilt

I’ve had this post rattling around in my brain for some time now. Maybe if I finally write it down, I can move on. About six weeks ago, I had a call from the insurance company regarding my long term disability claim. I know the woman on the other end of the phone was just doing her job, but, I guess I was shocked at the fact that I felt I had to defend myself for staying home from work…just saying that I had cancer didn’t seem to carry enough weight. The woman asked the basics, how I was feeling and if I lay around and read books all day. I thought if I tell her that I actually try and get out of the house and try to get some exercise once in a while, my claim would be denied for sure. She said just to give her a call if I felt like going back to work; the doctor’s opinion didn’t even seem to matter. I wanted to explain to her that if I had a job where I could work 3 or 4 hours at a time whenever I felt like it, I could go back to work, but my job needs a little more TLC than the odd 3 hour shift.

My doctor said there would be days when I would feel good and that I should just enjoy those days. I try to follow the doctor’s advice but ever since I got the phone call from the insurance company, I sometimes get this guilty feeling like I should be doing more. I know the guilt is self imposed…I’m sure I’ll get over it.

me

Chemo Treatment 7 of 8

Another chemo treatment done…one more to go. Today’s treatment went smoothly; I slept through a good portion of it.

The Clinic is actually in the midst of a pilot project using patient pagers that I spoke of earlier. It was so nice to be given the freedom to walk around while waiting to be called in the Chemo Suite. If all goes well, the pagers will become permanent and will be used for the doctor’s clinics too.

It’s amazing how many people they see in the Chemo Suite everyday; they estimate it be around 100 people. In a week, that’s 500 people!!! Keep in mind, these are only the outpatients and don’t include any children so the real number is probably double. Frightening numbers.

I wasn’t surprised that Sean developed a suspicious rash on his back; because after all, it was chemo time again for me and that’s the only time my kids seem to get sick. I took Sean to St. Joe’s Urgent Care Clinic last night but turned around after they told me there was a 5 hour wait. The nurse there checked the wait time at the Children’s Hospital, and they were up to a 6 hour wait!!! So, this morning Steve took Sean back to St. Joe’s when they opened and discovered that he has Shingles, which is from the Chicken Pox family. Sean had Chicken Pox when he was 3 months old. The doctor explained that the virus remains dormant in the body and can reappear in the form of Shingles at any time and for no particular reason. For me, it means taking extra precautions to make sure I don’t get Shingles.

Never a dull moment at The Groves.

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Hot Flash Clinic

Today’s appointment with the oncologist went well. My counts were good so I’ve been cleared for chemo tomorrow. One of the topics of conversation today was hot flashes. During the day, I can cope with them because I can always find some way of cooling off, like sticking my head in the fridge. At night however, the hot flashes wake me up several times and there’s not much I can do but kick off the covers and hope they pass quickly. So, I’ve been signed up for the “Hot Flash Clinic”. Who knew it even existed…but it does. The oncologist is concerned that because I don’t get a restful sleep, I could develop cronic fatigue. Basically the end result of the clinic is that I will be put on medication to control the hot flashes. I was hoping they would subside once chemo was done but the doctor said they will probably get worse with the other medication I have to take after chemo. I guess it’s a good thing that I have the french pill organizer.

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Home Stretch

Those grey hairs that I secretly used to pull out have once again started to sprout. I never thought I’d be happy to see them back….but I am. Slow but sure.

This week ends with another chemo treatment, number 7. I hate to wish the week away but I can hardly wait until Friday. We’re in the home stretch now. Many people have commented that the time seems to have gone by quickly and I would have to agree. For me, I think having the treatments in the spring and summer has been a huge in terms of my progress. I think if I was going through this in the winter months, it would be much harder.

We’re up to about 75 people now for the party. Thanks to those who have sent an RSVP. To those who haven’t, feel free to stop by anyway.

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Exercise

A number of recent research studies have indicated that exercise after a cancer diagnosis could be as effective as chemotherapy. Australian researchers believe ‘exercise slowed cancer by boosting a protein in the body which killed off dangerous cancer cells that could multiply out of control.’ This has given me an incentive to try to get back into a regular exercise routine. So this is week one. I’ve started to do a combination of walking and running in hopes of running a 5km race in the fall.

I just wanted to clarify some misconceptions about the Pink Party. It is not just a party for family; everyone is invited. There will be no formal sit down dinner but I’d like to know if I need to buy 1 bag of chips or 40 bags of chips….1 case of beer or 10 cases of beer etc. etc. So drop me a quick line at ksgroves@hotmail.com if you think you may be able to attend.

Take care,
me

5 O'Clock Shadow

Perhaps it is just my incredible desired to have hair again or maybe, just maybe, it's growing back again. When I'm in the right light and I squint really hard, I think I see some real hair growing. My fingers are crossed.

The eyebrow thing is getting to be a real pain in the butt. Like this morning, a plumber is supposed to be here to do some work. The first thing I thought of was I need to clean to toilet he has to work on, then; I have to draw my eyebrows on. (Boy, have my priorities ever changed!) Usually by the end of the day, I've inadvertently wiped one of my eyebrows off or part of one. My eyelashes are next on the chopping block. I've been told they can take a year to grow back...great.

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I Am Lucky

It has occurred to me on several occasions that I am lucky. As I trod along through the surgeries, the appointments and the treatments, I sometimes forget the seriousness of breast cancer. Lately however, I have been reminded. A co-worker of Steve’s lost his wife to breast cancer last month at the young age of 34; an obituary in the paper the other day described the life a woman who passed away from breast cancer in her 40’s. A woman in our support group was unable to attend the last three meeting because she has been in and out of hospital, having blood transfusions and having injections to keep her blood counts high enough to receive chemotherapy.

I am lucky to have such amazing friends and family. I am lucky to have a team of incredible doctors look after me. I am lucky that the cancer was found before it was too late.

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Pink Party - RSVP

Here it is, the official invitation to the Pink Party on Saturday, September 2nd at our house (15 Cobblestone Road). It will be an open house starting at 3pm until the last person is standing. So, feel free to drop by for an hour or so or park yourself for the whole night. More than likely, a few poker games will get going during the night (yes, Mark bring your set).

If you’re planning to attend, please send me an e-mail at ksgroves@hotmail.com by August 15th. I need to know numbers so I can make arrangements for food.

Don’t forget the dress code.

me

Learning to Draw

Drawing has never been a forte of mine but there's always time to learn. My eyebrows are almost gone so I'm trying to draw them back on because people just look weird without eyebrows. Drawing one on is fine, but trying to get the other one to match can be a bit of a challenge. I guess I have lots of time to practice.

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Chemo Treatment 6 of 8

6 down, 2 to go...it's a great feeling.

Yesterday's chemo started at 11am and was finished by 5pm. It's a long day but I was given a private room which was an added bonus. I talked to my oncologist about my reaction to the Herceptin in treatment number 5. I know that that Herceptin dose was the loading dose but didn't know how it would compare to the remaining doses. She said the Herceptin dose was based on weight; 8mg per kg in the loading dose and 6mg per kg in the subsequent doses. I'm happy to report that I didn't have any shakes, chills or fever last night.

The Herceptin infusion takes 1 1/2 hours, then the Taxol pre-meds take an hour then finally the Taxol infusion takes about 3 1/2 hours. Part of the pre-meds include Benadryl which allowed me to sleep through a good portion of the Taxol infusion.

Even though I'm feeling tired, I couldn't sleep past 5:45am this morning...I'm sure it will catch up with me later.

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Your Table Is Ready

Today's check up with the doctor went well. My blood counts are back in the normal ranges, which is great. My CT simulation appointment for radiation has been scheduled for September 12th. I asked my oncologist when daily radiation is likely to start, and she said it would be about 3 or 4 weeks after my last chemo appointment as all of the drugs should be out of my system by then.

Today's appointment came with the usual two hour wait. It's not really that surprising when the stats indicate that 1 in every 2 people will get cancer at some point in their lives...it's a busy place. So, for some inventor out there looking for a new idea, I suggest inventing a disc, similar to the one you get in a restaurant that let's you know when your table is ready, except, the disc would tell you when the doctor is ready to see you. You wouldn't be able to take off to go shopping in the mall or anything but at least you wouldn't be paranoid that your name was going to be called when you have to go to the bathroom or get something to eat. Let me know what you come up with...I'll only take a small cut of the profit.

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Blue Mountain

We’re back. I’m happy to report that we had an amazing time at Blue Mountain. It was great to have all our family with us to enjoy the good weather, the good food, the beach, the pool, the hot tub and the poker. Attached is a photo of our group (Chris, my brother, was taking the photo).


The week ahead includes our last support group meeting Wednesday, blood work and check-up with the oncologist on Thursday and chemo number 6 on Friday. Apart from the hot flashes and the numbness in my hands and feet, I’ll feeling quite good right now… there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.


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Pause

It's hard to believe that there have already been seven weeks of support group meetings. Next Wednesday is our last meeting. Although I still haven't warmed up to the whole candle thing, the group meetings for the most part have been helpful. It is comforting to talk to other women going through the same thing as they can truly relate.

This morning we're off to Blue Mountain for a family holiday. Tomorrow we will be joined by both sets of parents, our brothers and their families. So, I will pause the blog for a few days and catch up with you next week.

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Pow...Right in the Kisser

Andrew's two front teeth have been hanging on by a thread for the past three weeks. Everyone has offered to pull them out but Andrew dosen't like blood or pain; he likes his teeth to fall out on their own. Sean had other plans. In a dispute over LEGO, Sean decided to punch Andrew in the mouth. There was blood and tears (from Andrew and Sean). A tug on one tooth by me, and a tug on the other from Steve's mom and the teeth were out. Here is the result...



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Batman

We had a great time at Kevin and Karen’s wedding on Saturday. It was so nice to catch up with all of the Lincolns. For those of you at the wedding, you’ll know why this blog is titled Batman. For those of you who weren’t there, let’s just say he made his way around the reception in various poses, with various women. I can hardly wait to see the pictures.

Many people have asked me how my prognosis looks. Basically, with all of the treatments I have and will be receiving, I have about a 90% chance of being here and cancer free 10 years from now. I’d say that’s pretty good. So I keep moving forward… only 3 more chemo treatments then radiation. Hopefully I’ll have hair by Christmas. That would be the best gift ever.

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Anchor

I’m happy to report that the voodoo pains have subsided now and the fatigue is also getting better. So, that just leaves the numbness in the hands and feet that I’m slowly getting used to.

Today we’re heading to my cousin Kevin’s wedding. I still don’t know what I’m going to wear. It’s hard to look dressed-up when you’re bald. When it's not there, you realize that your hair is the anchor that pulls everything together…that makes everything look balanced.

Perhaps I’ll take a picture and post the bald picture that I promised so long ago.

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Side Effects

I’m still in the process of getting a feel for the side effects of these new drugs. I’d say that the fatigue isn’t as severe but all the aches and pains are new. The morning isn’t too bad but by the afternoon, it’s like someone is poking me like a voodoo doll. Some pain lasts a few seconds, others a few hours. What I’m not enjoying is the numbness in my feet. It’s the feeling you get when your feet fall asleep, but it never goes away. The tips of my fingers are starting to go tingly now too. These feelings are a result of the chemo killing the small nerve endings. I’m told they will grow back but probably not for three or four months.

I have a pretty high pain threshold so I prefer not to take medication during the day. I still like to be independent so if I don’t take the drugs, I can drive if need be. At night though, I'm loving the drugs.

That’s all the exciting news for now.

me

100

Who would have thought that I would have 100 things to write about? But, here we are, blog post number 100.

I just thought I would take the opportunity to thank you all for staying on the bus. It’s nice to have company on this long journey. Your blog posts, e-mails, cards, calls and letter have been greatly appreciated.

Last night was a night I don’t think I ever anticipated or I’ll ever forget. Steve got the clippers out to shave my head…not that I have much hair, it’s mainly what I call baby fuzz. The fine hair that was there was very uneven so I had Steve even it out so I wouldn’t look like a Chia Pet. What made me nervous was the fact that we had never used the clippers before so I was the guinea pig. I had visions of being scalped as Steve was reading over the instructions but I survived; scalp unscathed.

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Chemo Treatment 5 of 8 (Pole Dancing)

Last night as I was typing the last few sentences of my blog, I got the shakes. Chills, nausea and a fever soon followed. These are all common reactions of Herceptin especially the first treatment, which is a loading dose. I think it was the first time that both Steve and I realized the power of the drugs I’m taking. When you’re on chemo and your temperature reaches 38 degrees Celsius or more, it is important to contact your oncologist because of concern for infection; so Steve talked to the oncologist on call last night. At this point there is no concern as these are typical reactions. So on top on the dexamethasone steroid, I took Tylenol 3 and procholrperazine for nausea. If these types of symptoms were present 3 or 4 days from now, they would probably get me into the hospital for antibiotics.

My blood counts were lower than my last round of blood counts. My oncologist says that Taxol, the chemo I’m on now, isn’t as hard on the blood counts so hopefully we’ll see an increase in the levels next time. The symptoms that are most common with Taxol are fatigue, muscle and joint pain and numbness and tingling in hands and feet. We’ll see what happens.

As for today’s treatment, it went as fast as it could have, which was 5 ½ hours. The chemo nurse from yesterday persuaded me to leave the needle in my port overnight so we would be ready to go for this morning. I’m still not sure I like the idea; not from a physical perspective but more from a psychological perspective. Seemed weird to be walking around with a needle sticking out of me. Anyway each Taxol treatment comes with a number of pre-meds…diphenhydrmine, ranitidine and more prochlorperazine, then the Taxol infusion. It’s nice to be home.

I have to get up to go to the bathroom several times during treatment because of all the fluids being pumped into me. As I made one of my trips today, I laughed at how it seemed like I was ‘pole dancing’ weaving in and out of the obstacles with my IV pole in tow.

Too funny,
me

Long Day

I’m not sure which is more tiring, a day at Wonderland or a day at the Cancer Clinic. My blood work was scheduled for 10:30am, but I didn’t get in until 11am. The appointment with my oncologist was scheduled for 11am, but I didn’t get in to see her until 2pm. The Herceptin was scheduled to start at 12:15pm, but it didn’t start until 3pm. By the time I had my vitals taken, then Heceptin infusion, then more vitals, then an hour of saline, it was 6:30pm. I’m very tired at the moment. I have to start tomorrow’s pre-meds in 20 minutes then another dose at 2:30am. Tomorrow we're back at the clinic at 8:30am for another fun filled day.

Update tomorrow.

me

The Week in Review

We’re back. The crew is still asleep so I thought I would take this opportunity to sit down and get you updated.

Monday – We had a great time up at Muskoka Woods, touring the camp and visiting with Mark, Sandra and the girls. I think we fit the entire camp experience into 6 hours…tour of the camp, rest at the driving range, boat tour of Lake Rosseau, swim in the lake then dinner by the camp fire. We can hardly wait to visit again. (A picture below of Andrew and Sean with cousins Emily, Brianna and Sarah on the boat.)

Tuesday – We spent the entire day at Canada’s Wonderland. Steve and I were both amazed at how well the boys did on our 8 ½ hour adventure. We went on a ton of rides (got wet a few times), saw lots of shows and ate junk food all day. The boys also found Sponge Bob strolling around the park as you can see from the picture below.

Wednesday – We spent a relaxing day at Steve’s parent’s place in Thornhill. On our way home we stopped off at Steve’s Uncle Mike’s golf store (free plug – Par Golf in Brampton) where I bought a set of clubs and some golf shoes. I think I’ve finally made it through the final right of passage into the Groves family. I have no idea what I’m doing yet, but I’ll look good.

Today – The boys will be staying at my parent’s place while I go to the Cancer Clinic for my first dose of Herceptin. Herceptin is not a chemotherapy drug; it is an anti-hormone drug that is used to treat patients with HER2 protein overexpressing metastatic breast cancer. That would be me. Basically, the Herceptin binds to HER 2- positive cancer cells and blocks them from dividing and growing. I’m sure more details will follow after my appointment today.

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Muskoka Woods

Seeing as my energy level is up this week, Steve has decided to take the week off…a vacation long overdue. We’re heading up to Muskoka this morning to visit Muskoka Woods, which is a camp that the Groves are very involved with. Steve and his brothers, Mark and Jamie, were campers there and Mark and Jamie also worked at the camp. Today, Mark and his wife Sandra work for the camp and spend the summers there with their three girls. Muskoka Woods has a driving range that is special to the Groves. The driving range was dedicated to Jamie, who passed away from cancer 11 years ago today. So, we look forward to getting up to the camp to visit with Mark and Sandra and the girls, to hitting some balls, and to relaxing and enjoying the view of Lake Rosseau from the driving range.

Jamie’s courage, strength and sense of humor continue to help me keep fighting on a daily basis. Thanks Jamie.

Jamie Groves
1975 – 1995

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The Snake Lady

It’s been a busy few days. Andrew’s 7th birthday was on Wednesday, which was also the last day of school. Last night was Andrew’s birthday party. The ‘Snake Lady’ was the entertainment for the evening. She brought an assortment of creatures including turtles, snakes, a bullfrog, tarantulas, cockroaches and a millipede. Needless to say, they held the attention of 7 boys for a good hour and a half. All creatures coming into the house were accounted for on the Snake Lady’s departure.

Today Sean has gone on a field trip to Storybook Gardens and Andrew is at home playing with all his new things. I’m not used to having anyone home with me during the week so I had to make sure Andrew was occupied as I snuck a piece of leftover birthday cake at 9am this morning. Of course if he had of asked for a piece of cake at 9am I would probably have told him he couldn’t eat cake so early in the morning. Oh the power of being a parent.

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Protest Continues

Day 2 – no head gear. In hindsight, it probably would have been wise to wear a hat outside tonight because the mosquitoes found my head to be an easy target.

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Moisturizer

As I explained last night to Steve, who got the full blown “I’m tired” speech, I needed to be sad so I could be happy again. There were a few more tears this morning as I read the many e-mails in response to yesterday’s blog. I was reminded of the tremendous support that I have from family and friends. Thank you.

After reading the e-mails, I got ready to go the grocery store. I decided I would ban all head gear for the day. So instead of using my regular moisturizer on my head, I decided to get out the good stuff…some expensive moisturizer made in Paris. The noggin polished up quite nicely. As I headed out the door, my initial reaction was to bring a hat…just in case I chicken out. Then, I thought, “I’m not wearing a BLEEPing hat!” Despite my initial hesitation, the outing was fine but the trip through the frozen food isle was quicker than usual.

Still swimming,

me

I'm Tired

I used to think my life was somewhat boring; I’d love to have a boring old day now. I was fine with just seeing my doctor once a year…I’m tired of doctor’s appointments. I’m tired of being bald. I’m tired of not being able to work. I’m tired of reading books on cancer. I’m tired of searching for websites on cancer. I’m tired of wearing baseball hats. I’m tired of the port. I’m tired of the chemo. I’m tired of being tired. I'm tired of cancer.

Therapy session over.

me

Steve's Other Job

When I first started this blog, after I would write an entry, I would have Steve read it before I pushed the magic button to post it for all to see. I would sit back and watch his face to see his reaction. More importantly, Steve would correct all my grammar and spelling mistakes. (Remember, I’m a numbers person, not a words person.) Anyway, it is now rare that Steve and I have the time to coordinate the writing and the editing in the same night. When I ask Steve if he’s had a chance to read a recent post, he usually says, “Yes, you put 'their' instead of 'there' or you spelt something wrong.” Argh!!!!!!!! No matter how many times I read over an entry, my brain just reads what words should be there and not necessarily the words that are there. I also blame the drugs…that excuse comes in handy in a lot of situations…milk it while you can, right? So, when you see all the mistakes, know that the editor will get around to fixing them eventually.

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Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

I’ve been introduced to the world of hot flashes. Yeah. In pre-menopausal women, chemotherapy can actually bring on menopause. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening to me now but it will be a topic of conversation at my next doctor’s appointment.

During the day, the hot flashes don’t bother me too much but at night it’s another story. It’s not the kind of heat that you can deal with by sticking your foot out from underneath the covers or by turning the pillow over for the cooler side; it’s like someone picked you up and dropped you beside a 1,000 degree pit of lava. The sensation usually starts from the head down. If I had any hair, I’d probably rip it out! I’m sure it only lasts a minute or two but it feels like forever.

Men have it so easy.

me

Blood Counts 101

Although my blood counts were at an acceptable level to have chemo last Friday, my counts were low. I had assumed that my counts would have been high because I was feeling great. I now know that there is not a direct correlation between the two.

There are several counts that the doctor checks before chemo and here is a lesson on the top four that they review.

White Blood Cells – White blood cells help protect against infection. An increase in WBC indicates that the body is fighting an infection. The normal range is 4.0 to 10.0. My counts have been 7.8, 9.9, 5.1 and 3.9.

Hemoglobin (Red Blood Cells) – Red blood cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body. If your hemoglobin in too low, the body isn’t getting the oxygen it needs – aka anemia. The normal range is 115 – 160. My counts have been 132, 128, 125 and 122.

Platelets – Platelets aid in the stoppage of bleeding. If your platelets are too low, uncontrolled bleeding can be a problem. If your platelets are too high, there is a risk of blood clots. The normal range is 150 – 400. My counts have been 308, 355, 375 and 301.

Neutrophil – Neutrophil is a type of white blood cell that helps to kill and digest microorganisms. The normal range is 2.0 – 7.5. My counts have been 5, 7.4, 2.9 and 1.5.

As many of you have probably guessed, I have all of these counts charted out quite nicely in Excel. Yes, I have found another exciting use for Excel outside of work.

Many thanks to the Groves clan for understanding my no hugging and kissing policy on Sunday.

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Chemo Treatment 4 of 8

We’re half way through chemo people. Goodbye Adriamycin and Cyclophoshamide. After tomorrow I will also be done with Ondansetron, which is used to prevent nausea and vomiting. I received a briefing on the next four rounds which consist of two different drugs, Herceptin and Taxol. The first doses will be given a day apart so if I have any reactions to the drugs, they’ll know which drug is the culprit. For the three rounds after that, the drugs will be given together. Herceptin is the drug that I will continue to take every three weeks for a year. The Taxol has a lot of pre-med drugs associated with it, like 20 dexamethasone pills over a two day period! This is a steroid that helps with pain and tissue swelling. Needless to say, I’ll be wired for those two days.

Last night I decided to attend the luminary lighting at the Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life. Thank you to Rosie who purchased luminaries for Colleen and me. Steve and I found them appropriately side by side. Also a big thank you to Steve’s Aunt Suzi who came over on a moments notice to babysit Andrew and Sean. It was quite overwhelming to see the hundreds of luminaries lining the track at TD Waterhouse Stadium at UWO. It wasn’t a good to time forget Kleenex! It actually looked like quite a fun event; hopefully we will be able to participate next year.



Thanks again to everyone,
me

Scheduled Power Outage

I think I've got the pre-chemo routine down to a 'T' now. It's like preparing for a power outage every three weeks but it's just my power outage while the rest of the world continues on.

1. Check the calendar to see what birthday parties or other events are coming up in the next week and buy gifts, cards etc.
2. Figure out what recipes for Barb to make on Monday and buy groceries (don't forget two bags of milk).
3. Clean the house.
4. Pack knapsack for trip to Cancer Clinic. Include binder, iPod, magazines, snacks, water and DVD of choice.
5. Put Emla cream on to freeze port site. Bring drugs.

Today's power outage is scheduled for 1:45pm.

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Support Group Revisited

Today was the second meeting of the support group. I am happy to report that today’s meeting was more along the lines of what I expected from the group. It was more about information sharing than feelings. Colleen and I still had a few moments where we knew that it was best not to look at each other. We’ll see what meeting #3 brings us next week.

Someone has asked if I knew that the tentative September 2nd date for the party fell on the long weekend. I chose that date for a two reasons. I figured most people would be back from summer vacation (I realize that some people may be getting in their last hurrah that weekend before school starts up again). But the main reason is that it is the weekend before my last chemo treatment. When we’re looking at doing anything requiring interaction with lots of people and energy, we choose the weekend before a chemo treatment, because that is when my blood counts will be up and when I have the most energy. It really limits the dates from which I can choose.

Talk to you later,
me

Dr. Evil and Mini-Me

This morning I went to a store that sold various hats, scarves, wigs and handkerchiefs. I tend to wear baseball hats wherever I go and decided to get something new. I find that when I wear a baseball hat for long periods of time, when I take the hat off, my head looks like a baseball because you can see the indent of the stitching from the hat all over my head. My cousin is getting married next month and although I have a nice selection of baseball hats, it’s probably not an appropriate thing to wear to the wedding. My mom says I should just go bald…we’ll see. Anyway, back to the store. The woman in the store kindly showed me where the hats were and sat me down in front of a mirror. I had a handkerchief in mind …she had a turban in mind. “Just let me try it on you,” she said. So I sat there while she kept winding this thing around and around my head. I politely explained that it wasn’t the look I was going for and managed to untangle all the material off my head. In the end, I found a ‘Hope Cap’ which is basically a fitted handkerchief. A woman makes them and donates a portion of the proceeds to Breast Cancer research. Hopefully it will do the trick.

Okay, so Steve just walked in the room and read this then asked where I had put the new handkerchief. He picked it up and put it on me backwards (although he probably thought it was the right way). As soon as he started laughing I knew what he was thinking…I looked like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me from Austin Powers in Goldmember when they sing “Hard Knock Life” in the jail. It’s a good thing that we both have the same sense of humour.



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"I Didn't Know That Kim Golfed?"

Today I played in the Peggy Collins Memorial Golf Tournament. (I know you’re saying, “I didn’t know that Kim golfed?” Well, I don’t. Today was my first time playing golf.) Peggy worked at the university, and she passed away from ovarian cancer several years ago. Proceeds from the tournament will benefit Ovarian Cancer research at the London Regional Cancer Program.

It was a ‘best ball’ tournament, which is good because if it was a ‘hit your own ball’ tournament, I’d probably still be out on the course. I am proud to say that our team used 3 or 4 of my drives and a few other shots here and there. Our team won the coveted title of “Most Honest Team” (aka Last Place Team). Thank you to Sandra who kept checking to see if my arm was okay. It actually didn’t bother me too much. It only hurts when I straighten my arm which I guess you’re supposed to do when you swing but I’ve made up my own technique. All in all the day was good fun…dare I say that golf is a sport that I might actually take up one day? Many thanks to Andrea for letting me borrow her clubs (I only lost 2 of your balls and I will replace them). Lastly, thanks to Sandra, Allen and Deanne for a great day.

Time to crash,
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Pink Party - Tentative Date

Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had my mind set on having a party when the treatments where finished. Originally, I thought that this would happen at the end of the summer so I’ve always envisioned an outdoor party. Well, I now know that my last chemo treatment will be in mid-September and my radiation treatments will take me through to the end of November. Not a great time of year for an outdoor party. I’ve decided to have a party at the end of the summer anyway to celebrate just being here and how far I’ve made it through the treatments. So, mark your calendars – in pencil – for Sat. September 2nd. Everyone is welcome. Closer to the date, I’ll send out another note to confirm the date and to get people to e-mail me if they plan on coming. I’m not sure if I should expect 10 people or 210 people. So go find yourself something pink to wear. You have 3 months…no excuses.

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Show and Tell

Yesterday when I got to the daycare to pick up Sean, he was sitting down having a snack with the rest of his classmates. I came into his class and bent down beside the table where he was sitting. Sean then proceeded to pull back the opening of my shirt to reveal the scar from my port. As he did, he said, "Hey everybody, look at this." How nice to be part of show and tell.

I've had several people ask to see the port. I guess what I failed to explain is that you can't see the port because it was put under my skin. All you can see is a scar...sorry, no visible Bonic Woman gadgets. When I have chemo or bloodwork, the nurse feels for the middle of the port and that's where she sticks the needle in. The port has a rubber dome that the needle goes through; it also has a metal backing so the nurse knows when to stop pushing the needle in. In between the rubber dome and the metal back is a resevoir that is hooked into a vein that allows them to draw blood. Because I could technically set off a metal detector now, I have a Medical Alert card to carry with me in case I set off any alarms. Hmmm...sounds like something fun to put on my to do list.

me

What Drugs Are You On?

Today Colleen and I went to our first support group meeting. There were 4 other women with breast cancer there plus a facilitator. The room was set up much like someone’s living room. I had a feeling that maybe this wasn’t going to be for me as soon as the facilitator started. She said that she likes to have someone light a candle at the beginning of each meeting…something about having a small light during what can be a time of darkness. Ok, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I almost turned to Colleen to ask when they were going to bring the Ouiji board out but I knew if I made eye contact with her, I would burst out laughing.

The meeting then went into introductions and then focused on feelings. We were paired up for four minute conversations with each person and were given topics to discuss i.e. What are you afraid of? What do you need? How has the diagnosis changed your life? I can see this forum as being very beneficial for some of the women in the group because they feel that they can’t express their true feelings to their friends and family. I, on the other hand, really haven’t held anything back from anyone so I didn’t feel that that part of the meeting was very beneficial for me. At the end of the meeting, the facilitator had everyone stand together around the candle then had someone blow it out. Again, no eye contact with Colleen.

I guess I was hoping for more conversations like, What drugs are you on? What kind of tumor did you have? Who’s your oncologist? How are your kids coping? Maybe we’ll get there. I’ve decided to give the group another try next week.

me

For The Coffee Club...

As I was lying in bed this morning, I was thinking that I must get up and write something for the ‘Coffee Club’.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my family doctor to check out my right arm. Over the past 5 or 6 days, I’ve been loosing the range of motion in that arm (surgery side). My arm feels like its bruised and when I try to straighten it, I feel like I’m going to pass out. My concern was that it was lymphedema, which occurs in approximately 4% of people who have axcillary node dissections. Basically it’s an accumulation of lymphatic fluid caused when lymph nodes are removed. (If you have a plumbing system and you take out some of the pipes, when the same amount of water tries to go through the system, it slows down and gets backed up.) Anyway, it can be permanent and it’s not nice. The doctor said that it wasn’t lymphedema; some how I have inflamed the tendon in my arm. Hopefully in a week or so, it should be back to normal.

There’s your fix for today,

me

Brian's Landscaping

This past weekend, we, or I should say, my dad, built a garden at the front of the house. For those who know my dad, you know that he has a green thumb. Steve, Andrew, Sean and I simply followed my dad’s directions on where to dig the holes and what plants to put in the holes. I think Sean probably knows the names of more of the plants than I do. We are very happy with the end result and so was our neighbour Moira who decided to make a sign for all of my dad’s efforts. My dad had a good laugh this morning when he came to pick up Sean.

Enjoying the garden,

me

Turn Around

I think today was the turn around point for my engery level. Basically after a chemo treatment, my engery takes a nose dive for a about a week then it slowly starts to build up in time for the next round. I never realized how tired I would be of being tired. It's incredibly frustrating for me since I'm used to being on the go all the time. At an earlier appointment, the nurse pointed out that frustration over the lack of energy is very common. I guess I'm normal then.

I had Rosemary from work e-mail me an Excel file the other day so I can work on a report. When I opened the file, it was like my brain turned on again after all these months. I was almost drooling when I looked at all the numbers and formulas! The life of an accountant...

I am happy to report that my friend Colleen had her surgery yesterday and is doing well at home getting acquainted with her "squeeze box".

My best to you all,

me

If You Like Pina Coladas And Getting Caught In The Rain...

That’s the song that was going through my head as I got drenched on my walk tonight. I thought the storm had passed …oops. I walked home as fast as my squishy flip-flops would take me. As I turned the corner towards the house, I could see Steve and the boys standing on the front porch smiling and clapping like I had just run a race or something. Steve and Andrew got back to their X-Box game and Sean decided to join me outside. I stood and watched while Sean did laps around the court in his bare feet and jumped in the puddles. I’m sure the neighbours thought we were crazy but sometimes it just feels good to stand in the rain.

me

The Scale

There is a common misconception by people like myself, that people going through chemo treatments lose weight. There are hundreds of different chemo drugs and some can make you feel nauseous, and therefore cause weight loss. I’m not on those drugs. There was a small part of me that thought maybe I would lose the extra pounds from 2 pregnancies during my treatments. I know, bad attitude, but I’m always trying to look for the positive side. I know that having an appetite at this stage of the game is a good thing as my body needs all the nutrients it can get to repair itself after being poisoned every three weeks. Still, the scale has been my enemy that begs me to stand on it. There’s always the few second before the numbers pop up that I think just maybe my weight has gone down but no luck. I know it’s only about 5 pounds but still with all the poking and prodding, slicing and dicing that I’ve been through, it ticks me off.

Just getting it out of my head,

me

Dilemma

Today Barb came over to cook some more dinners while I flaked out on the couch. I think Steve and I are set for meals for the week. Usually my dilemma would be getting home from work and not knowing what to cook; now my dilemma is what meal do I choose that's already made. What a treat.

As I mentioned earlier, Andrew never gets sick but since I started getting chemo every 3 weeks, he's been sick every 3 weeks. Last night Steve ended up taking Andrew to emerg. Turns out he has an ear infection. Let's hope that's the end of his streak of sickness.

Just waiting for the boys energy to run out before mine so I can get them off to bed.

All for now,
me

Chemo Treatment 3 of 8

Even though my blood counts were lower than those at my last treatment, they still fell within the normal range so I was able to have round three today. Three down, five to go. We were able to use the port today (I wore a v-neck t-shirt in case you were curious) which worked very well...hands free chemo.

Today I brought my iPod and portable DVD player; both of which helped to pass the time (2 hour wait just to get in to see the nurse) and drown out the harmonica man. It appears that many patients enjoy the music of the harmonica man but for me it just makes the waiting more irritating. It's like rubbing salt in a wound. Steve forgot his headphones and offered me $200 for mine, but I turned him down.

I'm not experiencing the lag time anymore that I had between the treatment and the fatigue. It's here, like a bad hangover. Having said that, I think I'll call it a night.

me

Energy

I had a visit with my family doctor today and she took the bandages off from the port surgery. Everything looks good. I must say it’s my favourite scar so far; it actually looks more like a thin scratch.

Today I found the energy that I was hoping to find before tomorrow’s chemo. So I washed the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms and did the laundry. I already got the lecture from my mom, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that. I could have helped you.” My reply was simple. When I have the time, I actually like to clean. It could be the high I get from the cleaners or the way the vacuum drowns out the rest of the world or the fact that I can play my music as loud as I want but I think really boils down to feeling like I’ve actually accomplished something. I know that tomorrow at this time you won’t even be able to tell that I cleaned the house but for a few hours, it makes me happy.

Later,
me

Support Group

I received a call the other day from Wellspring to say that they have enough people to start another breast cancer support group on June 7th. We'll meet every Wednesday for 8 weeks.

As soon as my friend Colleen called to tell me she also had breast cancer, I told her to get on the waiting list for the support group. I remember when Colleen called me back to say that she was number 8 on the list and we only needed to find 2 more people; we were actually excited. We laughed at how odd it was to wish this upon 2 more people. I am glad we will be there together and if it doesn't work out, you'll find us at the movies on Wednesday afternoons.

me

Tube Top

I’m feeling more tired and weak today than I’d like to admit. I’m convincing myself that it’s probably the residual effects of last Thursday’s surgery. I am slightly concerned about this Friday’s blood work and hope that my counts will be high enough for me to have the chemo.

Speaking of chemo, I will be able to try out my new port-a-cath at the next treatment. (Here's a picture of what it looks like http://bardaccess.com/port-arterial.php) I must get to the drug store to buy some Emla Cream which is a topical cream that is put on the skin over the port. This will help numb the pain of the intravenous needle. My dilemma now, as strange as it sounds, is what to wear to the next chemo treatment. The port is on my left side. If you find the midpoint of my collar bone then go south 4 inches, that’s where you’ll find the port. The only kind of top that I can think would work is a tube top but I haven’t worn one of those since I was eight and I’m not planning on wearing one again. If I was in a private room I would just let it all hang out but at the clinic you’re in an huge ‘L’ shaped room with chairs and beds lined up on both sides of the room with little or no privacy.

Thank you to all of the people who e-mailed me after my last posting. I now know that the Marriott Hotel is well liked as 4 different people claim that they could have been the one viewing the blog from the hotel. Tanya T. - As for RSS feeds, Steve’s working on tracking those too.

Good night,

me

Steve's Pet Project

Like Steve didn’t have enough to do; he’s added me to his list of projects. We’ve always been curious to find out how many people view this blog and now Steve’s been able to track not only the number of people but so much more. So, here are some interesting stats for you from Friday. On Friday there were 84 people who viewed the blog; 2 from the UK and the rest from Canada. From there, Canada is broken down by province then by city. Who are the 2 people from Quebec? It gets better. You can also track people by their internet service provider. Congratulations Western, you win top spot with 22 people (who all read the blog on their lunch hour…right?) Who was the person who viewed from the Marriott Hotel? The information is mind boggling…maps…bar graphs…line graphs…etc. but no names, so don’t worry.

I would be interested in hearing from people that I don’t’ know who have read the blog and find out our connection. (You can e-mail me at ksgroves@hotmail.com.) As Steve joked, it will be like playing “Six Degrees of Kim Groves” instead of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.”

Right from the time of diagnosis, I have been very open to sharing this journey with all of you. My ultimate goal is to provide people with an insider’s perspective to breast cancer so they may be able to learn from the experience, provide support to others and remove some of the anxiety for those who may find themselves going along the same path. Feel free to pass it on.

me

Toga Party For One

Yesterday’s surgery went well. We arrived at the hospital at 8:30am and were sent to Surgery Daycare. From there it was the routine that has become so familiar…change into the gown, get IV hooked up and wait. Steve and I met with the surgeon around 11:15am. The surgeon explained the procedure and that I would be given a sedative that would make me feel like I had 2 or 3 glasses of wine...we all know for me, that’s more like 4 or 5 glasses. When I got into the operating room, Dave, a member of the surgical team, said they like to play music during surgery…great. We chose The Rolling Stones; then came the sedative. It was like being at a toga party, except I was the only one wearing a sheet. I was awake through the entire surgery so the doctor would periodically ask how I was doing. The only part of me that hurt was my butt because the operating table didn’t have a lot of padding. When the surgery was over, I was sent to recovery for 3 hours so they could monitor my vitals. I’ll be having a follow with my family doctor next week so she can remove the bandages.

A few of you have asked about the Web site that sells the t-shirts. I’ve pasted the link below.

http://www.planetcancer.org/html/store.php?sec_Id=7

Happy shopping,

me

T-Shirts

I’m happy to report that I’m on the upswing from my last chemo treatment and finding a bit more energy each day. Tomorrow I have an appointment at St. Joseph’s Hospital to get my port-a-cath put in. This is the device that will save the veins in my left arm over the next year. It will be used to draw blood and to administer the chemotherapy. I have to be at the hospital around 8:30am and I think the actual procedure is at 10am. I’m going to be starving by time it’s done since I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. I’m sure I’ll have lots of details to provide you with once I get home tomorrow. Yippee, another scar for my collection.

I think most of you know my stance on cancer; it’s not something I run and hide from, it’s something I turn and laugh at. Having said that, I’ve been introduced to a place that sells some great cancer t-shirts (thank you Andrea/Cathy). Here are some of my favourites. (Prepare for foul language – sorry Nan, Nana, GG.)

CCKMA – Cancer Can Kiss My Ass
My To Do List 1. Beat Breast Cancer 2. Take Over World
F*CK CANCER (no asterisk on the actual shirt)
I Had Cancer And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt
Instant Survivor – Just Add Chemo
WARNING – I Have Received Radiation Therapy. If You Can Read This You Are Standing TOO CLOSE!

I’m not sure I could wear #3 without a lot of explaining to Andrew and Sean. Maybe I’ll pick another one.

me

Genetic Counseling 101

Most people are surprised when they hear that only 5 – 10% of breast cancer is hereditary. The other 90 – 95% of breast cancer is caused by environmental factors. Because I fall outside the ‘normal’ age range for developing breast cancer, my doctors want to see if I have a genetic mutation. Patients who have inherited breast cancer have a gene mutation in BRCA1 (Breast Cancer gene 1) or BRCA2 (Breast Cancer gene 2). I chose to go through with the testing which involves taking blood samples. From here, the test will take 6 months so I should find out the results sometime in October.

There can be a few different outcomes.

1. There is no gene mutation detected, chalk it up to some unknown environmental factor.
2. There is a gene mutation; the cancer was inherited; we do nothing.
3. Same as 2 except we make testing available to my parents to see who I inherited this from. This could lead to testing of other blood relatives if they chose to have the genetic testing done.

Just because someone has a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation does not mean they will develop cancer but their chances of getting cancer are increased. With BRCA1, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 20 – 60% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times. With BRCA2, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 5 – 20% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times.

There are many touchy issues with genetic testing. Some people just don’t want to know, which is completely understandable. Because I already know I have cancer, I want make information available to other family members (if they want it) that could possibly help them. For example, if I did have a gene mutation, other blood relatives would have access to testing for themselves, access to earlier preventative screening and access to earlier treatments.

The other sensitive issue surrounding genetic testing is genetic discrimination. Because insurance companies have access to your medical records, if you have a known gene mutation, you could possibly be denied insurance or be forced to pay huge premiums. I say ‘known’ gene mutation because everyone has some kind of gene mutation; either they don’t know it or scientists haven’t figured out the test yet.

On a funnier note, the genetic counselor went through a series of questions with me when we met. My favourite was, “How often do you have clinical breast exams?” I explained to her that she was the only medical person I had met in the last 3 months that didn’t want me to take my shirt off.

me

Radiation 101

On Thursday I met with my radiologist. I have learned that I will be starting radiation after chemotherapy is done. Unlike chemotherapy that destroys cancer cells throughout the entire body, radiation will destroy any cancer cells that my have lingered at the original site. As with all treatments, there can be side effects which may include darkening of skin, arm swelling, blistering of the skin, fatigue, lung scaring etc. etc. In total, I will be having 30 radiation sessions; everyday, Monday to Friday for 6 weeks. Guess I better get a parking pass for the hospital!

I will meet again with the radiologist in August to plan out the treatments i.e. should I only get the breast radiated or the breast, and lymph nodes under the arm and around the collar bone. I will also be getting tattoos that they will use as markers to ensure that the radiation is targeted at the same area for each treatment. I wonder if I can get smiley face tattoos?

It was great to see everyone at the Year End party yesterday. I must say that your singing has improved tremendously since I’ve been away. (FYI…the card was in the mailbox when I got home…thanks.)

I had the appointment with Genetic Counseling yesterday. Stay tuned for Genetic Counseling 101.

me

Time Management

This is the part of the treatment that I find most frustrating…the fatigue. Basically I find that I have about an hour and a half of energy for the day so I have to consciously decide how to use that time. After the first treatment, around day 5 or 6, I thought I could get a few things at the grocery store. I quickly realized about 15 minutes after I got there that I needed to head back home while I could still drive. It’s frustrating when your mind thinks of a millions things you could do but your body just can’t to it. So, I have to learn to make the most of the energy I have. I like to pick the kids up at the end of the day..there’s ½ hour. I like to go for a walk…there’s ½ hour. As you can imagine, the other ½ hour gets used up very quickly.

Today Steve and I have our initial consultation with the radiologist. Tomorrow will be the consultation with the genetic counselors.

Off for a nap,

me

Dear Andrew and Sean,

It has occurred to me several times over the past few months that Andrew and Sean will probably have little, if any, recollection of me having cancer when they grow up. I can’t say that I remember many things from when I was 4… maybe a few things from when I was 6. So, although this blog is for me and you, I also write it for Andrew and Sean. Someday maybe 10, 15 or 20 years from now, when I think they could use a little inspiration to meet whatever challenges present themselves; I’ll give them a copy. Maybe this will become one of those stories I pull out many times. I can hear the boys now, “Here goes mom, talking about her blog again.”

Maybe there will be a cure by then…you never know.

me

Chemo Treatment 2 of 8

Another round of chemo done…1/4 of the way there. I thought I would walk you through the day just in case you’re curious as to what happens. I had Steve take 2 pictures while I was getting my chemo, one with my hat on and one with my hat off. In the picture with my hat off, the glare off my head looked too bright so I chose the hat on picture. I’ll work on getting a good bald picture on soon.

11:00am
Check in with Clinic II, fill out paperwork

11:30am
Report to Lab for blood work to make sure my blood counts are back in the normal range before I can have more chemo.

12:00pm
Meet with my primary nurse to go over results from blood work. I was surprised to find out that most of my blood counts were better than they were before my first chemo treatment. Take first anti-nausea drug.

12:15pm
Meet with the nurse practitioner who specializes in Breast Cancer. Review side effects from last chemo. In terms of fatigue, they say exercise helps so I need to make sure I get in daily walks. The chemo gives you a really dry mouth. I have to have water beside me at night because I wake up several times a night feeling like there isn’t even a drop of saliva in my mouth. More water = more trips to the bathroom. The nurse suggests I rinse with water and baking soda several times a day to help with the dry mouth.

1:30pm
Check into the “Chemo Suite” (that’s what they really call it). As soon as you get in your chair, the nurse grabs a nice warm blanket to put over you because the room is a bit cool. They keep the temperature down to help with the nausea. The nurse then hooks up the IV and puts hot packs on your arm because the drugs feel cold when they go into your veins. At my next chemo appointment on May 26th, I’ll have the port-a-cath in which will be nice. Take 2nd anti-nausea drug. First chemo drug by syringe through IV then second chemo drug by drip through IV.

3:15pm
Home

That’s how it all works.

me

Random Hair Thoughts

By the end of the day yesterday, I had a bald spot on my forehead the size of a golf ball and the rest of my hair was looking pretty thin. So, I called up my wonderful neighbour with the clippers and she shaved it all off. Below are some random thoughts that have been swirling in my head and some interesting thoughts from others. I thought it would make a nice Top Ten list but I could only come up with 9 things. Here they are in no particular order although I think Sean’s comment would be number 1.

-My head feels like a big cactus except it’s not my hand that hurts when I touch my head, it’s my head that hurts.
-I look like a mannequin without the 20 inch waist.
-I look like Mr./Mrs. Clean…I need one hoop earring.
-My head is like one massive piece of Velcro…my hats will never blow off.
-Sean’s first comment was, “You’re bald. You look funny. Your hair is like Squidward’s from Sponge Bob Squarepants.”
-Andrew just gave me a raised eyebrow smile.
-Steve said that he’s glad I have a nice shaped head.
-I think I could use my head as a giant lint roller.
-It’s breezy when you open the fridge.

Happy 10th Steve.

Love,
me