The Snake Lady

It’s been a busy few days. Andrew’s 7th birthday was on Wednesday, which was also the last day of school. Last night was Andrew’s birthday party. The ‘Snake Lady’ was the entertainment for the evening. She brought an assortment of creatures including turtles, snakes, a bullfrog, tarantulas, cockroaches and a millipede. Needless to say, they held the attention of 7 boys for a good hour and a half. All creatures coming into the house were accounted for on the Snake Lady’s departure.

Today Sean has gone on a field trip to Storybook Gardens and Andrew is at home playing with all his new things. I’m not used to having anyone home with me during the week so I had to make sure Andrew was occupied as I snuck a piece of leftover birthday cake at 9am this morning. Of course if he had of asked for a piece of cake at 9am I would probably have told him he couldn’t eat cake so early in the morning. Oh the power of being a parent.

me

Protest Continues

Day 2 – no head gear. In hindsight, it probably would have been wise to wear a hat outside tonight because the mosquitoes found my head to be an easy target.

me

Moisturizer

As I explained last night to Steve, who got the full blown “I’m tired” speech, I needed to be sad so I could be happy again. There were a few more tears this morning as I read the many e-mails in response to yesterday’s blog. I was reminded of the tremendous support that I have from family and friends. Thank you.

After reading the e-mails, I got ready to go the grocery store. I decided I would ban all head gear for the day. So instead of using my regular moisturizer on my head, I decided to get out the good stuff…some expensive moisturizer made in Paris. The noggin polished up quite nicely. As I headed out the door, my initial reaction was to bring a hat…just in case I chicken out. Then, I thought, “I’m not wearing a BLEEPing hat!” Despite my initial hesitation, the outing was fine but the trip through the frozen food isle was quicker than usual.

Still swimming,

me

I'm Tired

I used to think my life was somewhat boring; I’d love to have a boring old day now. I was fine with just seeing my doctor once a year…I’m tired of doctor’s appointments. I’m tired of being bald. I’m tired of not being able to work. I’m tired of reading books on cancer. I’m tired of searching for websites on cancer. I’m tired of wearing baseball hats. I’m tired of the port. I’m tired of the chemo. I’m tired of being tired. I'm tired of cancer.

Therapy session over.

me

Steve's Other Job

When I first started this blog, after I would write an entry, I would have Steve read it before I pushed the magic button to post it for all to see. I would sit back and watch his face to see his reaction. More importantly, Steve would correct all my grammar and spelling mistakes. (Remember, I’m a numbers person, not a words person.) Anyway, it is now rare that Steve and I have the time to coordinate the writing and the editing in the same night. When I ask Steve if he’s had a chance to read a recent post, he usually says, “Yes, you put 'their' instead of 'there' or you spelt something wrong.” Argh!!!!!!!! No matter how many times I read over an entry, my brain just reads what words should be there and not necessarily the words that are there. I also blame the drugs…that excuse comes in handy in a lot of situations…milk it while you can, right? So, when you see all the mistakes, know that the editor will get around to fixing them eventually.

me

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

I’ve been introduced to the world of hot flashes. Yeah. In pre-menopausal women, chemotherapy can actually bring on menopause. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening to me now but it will be a topic of conversation at my next doctor’s appointment.

During the day, the hot flashes don’t bother me too much but at night it’s another story. It’s not the kind of heat that you can deal with by sticking your foot out from underneath the covers or by turning the pillow over for the cooler side; it’s like someone picked you up and dropped you beside a 1,000 degree pit of lava. The sensation usually starts from the head down. If I had any hair, I’d probably rip it out! I’m sure it only lasts a minute or two but it feels like forever.

Men have it so easy.

me

Blood Counts 101

Although my blood counts were at an acceptable level to have chemo last Friday, my counts were low. I had assumed that my counts would have been high because I was feeling great. I now know that there is not a direct correlation between the two.

There are several counts that the doctor checks before chemo and here is a lesson on the top four that they review.

White Blood Cells – White blood cells help protect against infection. An increase in WBC indicates that the body is fighting an infection. The normal range is 4.0 to 10.0. My counts have been 7.8, 9.9, 5.1 and 3.9.

Hemoglobin (Red Blood Cells) – Red blood cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body. If your hemoglobin in too low, the body isn’t getting the oxygen it needs – aka anemia. The normal range is 115 – 160. My counts have been 132, 128, 125 and 122.

Platelets – Platelets aid in the stoppage of bleeding. If your platelets are too low, uncontrolled bleeding can be a problem. If your platelets are too high, there is a risk of blood clots. The normal range is 150 – 400. My counts have been 308, 355, 375 and 301.

Neutrophil – Neutrophil is a type of white blood cell that helps to kill and digest microorganisms. The normal range is 2.0 – 7.5. My counts have been 5, 7.4, 2.9 and 1.5.

As many of you have probably guessed, I have all of these counts charted out quite nicely in Excel. Yes, I have found another exciting use for Excel outside of work.

Many thanks to the Groves clan for understanding my no hugging and kissing policy on Sunday.

me

Chemo Treatment 4 of 8

We’re half way through chemo people. Goodbye Adriamycin and Cyclophoshamide. After tomorrow I will also be done with Ondansetron, which is used to prevent nausea and vomiting. I received a briefing on the next four rounds which consist of two different drugs, Herceptin and Taxol. The first doses will be given a day apart so if I have any reactions to the drugs, they’ll know which drug is the culprit. For the three rounds after that, the drugs will be given together. Herceptin is the drug that I will continue to take every three weeks for a year. The Taxol has a lot of pre-med drugs associated with it, like 20 dexamethasone pills over a two day period! This is a steroid that helps with pain and tissue swelling. Needless to say, I’ll be wired for those two days.

Last night I decided to attend the luminary lighting at the Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life. Thank you to Rosie who purchased luminaries for Colleen and me. Steve and I found them appropriately side by side. Also a big thank you to Steve’s Aunt Suzi who came over on a moments notice to babysit Andrew and Sean. It was quite overwhelming to see the hundreds of luminaries lining the track at TD Waterhouse Stadium at UWO. It wasn’t a good to time forget Kleenex! It actually looked like quite a fun event; hopefully we will be able to participate next year.



Thanks again to everyone,
me

Scheduled Power Outage

I think I've got the pre-chemo routine down to a 'T' now. It's like preparing for a power outage every three weeks but it's just my power outage while the rest of the world continues on.

1. Check the calendar to see what birthday parties or other events are coming up in the next week and buy gifts, cards etc.
2. Figure out what recipes for Barb to make on Monday and buy groceries (don't forget two bags of milk).
3. Clean the house.
4. Pack knapsack for trip to Cancer Clinic. Include binder, iPod, magazines, snacks, water and DVD of choice.
5. Put Emla cream on to freeze port site. Bring drugs.

Today's power outage is scheduled for 1:45pm.

me

Support Group Revisited

Today was the second meeting of the support group. I am happy to report that today’s meeting was more along the lines of what I expected from the group. It was more about information sharing than feelings. Colleen and I still had a few moments where we knew that it was best not to look at each other. We’ll see what meeting #3 brings us next week.

Someone has asked if I knew that the tentative September 2nd date for the party fell on the long weekend. I chose that date for a two reasons. I figured most people would be back from summer vacation (I realize that some people may be getting in their last hurrah that weekend before school starts up again). But the main reason is that it is the weekend before my last chemo treatment. When we’re looking at doing anything requiring interaction with lots of people and energy, we choose the weekend before a chemo treatment, because that is when my blood counts will be up and when I have the most energy. It really limits the dates from which I can choose.

Talk to you later,
me

Dr. Evil and Mini-Me

This morning I went to a store that sold various hats, scarves, wigs and handkerchiefs. I tend to wear baseball hats wherever I go and decided to get something new. I find that when I wear a baseball hat for long periods of time, when I take the hat off, my head looks like a baseball because you can see the indent of the stitching from the hat all over my head. My cousin is getting married next month and although I have a nice selection of baseball hats, it’s probably not an appropriate thing to wear to the wedding. My mom says I should just go bald…we’ll see. Anyway, back to the store. The woman in the store kindly showed me where the hats were and sat me down in front of a mirror. I had a handkerchief in mind …she had a turban in mind. “Just let me try it on you,” she said. So I sat there while she kept winding this thing around and around my head. I politely explained that it wasn’t the look I was going for and managed to untangle all the material off my head. In the end, I found a ‘Hope Cap’ which is basically a fitted handkerchief. A woman makes them and donates a portion of the proceeds to Breast Cancer research. Hopefully it will do the trick.

Okay, so Steve just walked in the room and read this then asked where I had put the new handkerchief. He picked it up and put it on me backwards (although he probably thought it was the right way). As soon as he started laughing I knew what he was thinking…I looked like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me from Austin Powers in Goldmember when they sing “Hard Knock Life” in the jail. It’s a good thing that we both have the same sense of humour.



me

"I Didn't Know That Kim Golfed?"

Today I played in the Peggy Collins Memorial Golf Tournament. (I know you’re saying, “I didn’t know that Kim golfed?” Well, I don’t. Today was my first time playing golf.) Peggy worked at the university, and she passed away from ovarian cancer several years ago. Proceeds from the tournament will benefit Ovarian Cancer research at the London Regional Cancer Program.

It was a ‘best ball’ tournament, which is good because if it was a ‘hit your own ball’ tournament, I’d probably still be out on the course. I am proud to say that our team used 3 or 4 of my drives and a few other shots here and there. Our team won the coveted title of “Most Honest Team” (aka Last Place Team). Thank you to Sandra who kept checking to see if my arm was okay. It actually didn’t bother me too much. It only hurts when I straighten my arm which I guess you’re supposed to do when you swing but I’ve made up my own technique. All in all the day was good fun…dare I say that golf is a sport that I might actually take up one day? Many thanks to Andrea for letting me borrow her clubs (I only lost 2 of your balls and I will replace them). Lastly, thanks to Sandra, Allen and Deanne for a great day.

Time to crash,
me

Pink Party - Tentative Date

Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had my mind set on having a party when the treatments where finished. Originally, I thought that this would happen at the end of the summer so I’ve always envisioned an outdoor party. Well, I now know that my last chemo treatment will be in mid-September and my radiation treatments will take me through to the end of November. Not a great time of year for an outdoor party. I’ve decided to have a party at the end of the summer anyway to celebrate just being here and how far I’ve made it through the treatments. So, mark your calendars – in pencil – for Sat. September 2nd. Everyone is welcome. Closer to the date, I’ll send out another note to confirm the date and to get people to e-mail me if they plan on coming. I’m not sure if I should expect 10 people or 210 people. So go find yourself something pink to wear. You have 3 months…no excuses.

me

Show and Tell

Yesterday when I got to the daycare to pick up Sean, he was sitting down having a snack with the rest of his classmates. I came into his class and bent down beside the table where he was sitting. Sean then proceeded to pull back the opening of my shirt to reveal the scar from my port. As he did, he said, "Hey everybody, look at this." How nice to be part of show and tell.

I've had several people ask to see the port. I guess what I failed to explain is that you can't see the port because it was put under my skin. All you can see is a scar...sorry, no visible Bonic Woman gadgets. When I have chemo or bloodwork, the nurse feels for the middle of the port and that's where she sticks the needle in. The port has a rubber dome that the needle goes through; it also has a metal backing so the nurse knows when to stop pushing the needle in. In between the rubber dome and the metal back is a resevoir that is hooked into a vein that allows them to draw blood. Because I could technically set off a metal detector now, I have a Medical Alert card to carry with me in case I set off any alarms. Hmmm...sounds like something fun to put on my to do list.

me

What Drugs Are You On?

Today Colleen and I went to our first support group meeting. There were 4 other women with breast cancer there plus a facilitator. The room was set up much like someone’s living room. I had a feeling that maybe this wasn’t going to be for me as soon as the facilitator started. She said that she likes to have someone light a candle at the beginning of each meeting…something about having a small light during what can be a time of darkness. Ok, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I almost turned to Colleen to ask when they were going to bring the Ouiji board out but I knew if I made eye contact with her, I would burst out laughing.

The meeting then went into introductions and then focused on feelings. We were paired up for four minute conversations with each person and were given topics to discuss i.e. What are you afraid of? What do you need? How has the diagnosis changed your life? I can see this forum as being very beneficial for some of the women in the group because they feel that they can’t express their true feelings to their friends and family. I, on the other hand, really haven’t held anything back from anyone so I didn’t feel that that part of the meeting was very beneficial for me. At the end of the meeting, the facilitator had everyone stand together around the candle then had someone blow it out. Again, no eye contact with Colleen.

I guess I was hoping for more conversations like, What drugs are you on? What kind of tumor did you have? Who’s your oncologist? How are your kids coping? Maybe we’ll get there. I’ve decided to give the group another try next week.

me

For The Coffee Club...

As I was lying in bed this morning, I was thinking that I must get up and write something for the ‘Coffee Club’.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my family doctor to check out my right arm. Over the past 5 or 6 days, I’ve been loosing the range of motion in that arm (surgery side). My arm feels like its bruised and when I try to straighten it, I feel like I’m going to pass out. My concern was that it was lymphedema, which occurs in approximately 4% of people who have axcillary node dissections. Basically it’s an accumulation of lymphatic fluid caused when lymph nodes are removed. (If you have a plumbing system and you take out some of the pipes, when the same amount of water tries to go through the system, it slows down and gets backed up.) Anyway, it can be permanent and it’s not nice. The doctor said that it wasn’t lymphedema; some how I have inflamed the tendon in my arm. Hopefully in a week or so, it should be back to normal.

There’s your fix for today,

me

Brian's Landscaping

This past weekend, we, or I should say, my dad, built a garden at the front of the house. For those who know my dad, you know that he has a green thumb. Steve, Andrew, Sean and I simply followed my dad’s directions on where to dig the holes and what plants to put in the holes. I think Sean probably knows the names of more of the plants than I do. We are very happy with the end result and so was our neighbour Moira who decided to make a sign for all of my dad’s efforts. My dad had a good laugh this morning when he came to pick up Sean.

Enjoying the garden,

me

Turn Around

I think today was the turn around point for my engery level. Basically after a chemo treatment, my engery takes a nose dive for a about a week then it slowly starts to build up in time for the next round. I never realized how tired I would be of being tired. It's incredibly frustrating for me since I'm used to being on the go all the time. At an earlier appointment, the nurse pointed out that frustration over the lack of energy is very common. I guess I'm normal then.

I had Rosemary from work e-mail me an Excel file the other day so I can work on a report. When I opened the file, it was like my brain turned on again after all these months. I was almost drooling when I looked at all the numbers and formulas! The life of an accountant...

I am happy to report that my friend Colleen had her surgery yesterday and is doing well at home getting acquainted with her "squeeze box".

My best to you all,

me

If You Like Pina Coladas And Getting Caught In The Rain...

That’s the song that was going through my head as I got drenched on my walk tonight. I thought the storm had passed …oops. I walked home as fast as my squishy flip-flops would take me. As I turned the corner towards the house, I could see Steve and the boys standing on the front porch smiling and clapping like I had just run a race or something. Steve and Andrew got back to their X-Box game and Sean decided to join me outside. I stood and watched while Sean did laps around the court in his bare feet and jumped in the puddles. I’m sure the neighbours thought we were crazy but sometimes it just feels good to stand in the rain.

me

The Scale

There is a common misconception by people like myself, that people going through chemo treatments lose weight. There are hundreds of different chemo drugs and some can make you feel nauseous, and therefore cause weight loss. I’m not on those drugs. There was a small part of me that thought maybe I would lose the extra pounds from 2 pregnancies during my treatments. I know, bad attitude, but I’m always trying to look for the positive side. I know that having an appetite at this stage of the game is a good thing as my body needs all the nutrients it can get to repair itself after being poisoned every three weeks. Still, the scale has been my enemy that begs me to stand on it. There’s always the few second before the numbers pop up that I think just maybe my weight has gone down but no luck. I know it’s only about 5 pounds but still with all the poking and prodding, slicing and dicing that I’ve been through, it ticks me off.

Just getting it out of my head,

me

Dilemma

Today Barb came over to cook some more dinners while I flaked out on the couch. I think Steve and I are set for meals for the week. Usually my dilemma would be getting home from work and not knowing what to cook; now my dilemma is what meal do I choose that's already made. What a treat.

As I mentioned earlier, Andrew never gets sick but since I started getting chemo every 3 weeks, he's been sick every 3 weeks. Last night Steve ended up taking Andrew to emerg. Turns out he has an ear infection. Let's hope that's the end of his streak of sickness.

Just waiting for the boys energy to run out before mine so I can get them off to bed.

All for now,
me

Chemo Treatment 3 of 8

Even though my blood counts were lower than those at my last treatment, they still fell within the normal range so I was able to have round three today. Three down, five to go. We were able to use the port today (I wore a v-neck t-shirt in case you were curious) which worked very well...hands free chemo.

Today I brought my iPod and portable DVD player; both of which helped to pass the time (2 hour wait just to get in to see the nurse) and drown out the harmonica man. It appears that many patients enjoy the music of the harmonica man but for me it just makes the waiting more irritating. It's like rubbing salt in a wound. Steve forgot his headphones and offered me $200 for mine, but I turned him down.

I'm not experiencing the lag time anymore that I had between the treatment and the fatigue. It's here, like a bad hangover. Having said that, I think I'll call it a night.

me

Energy

I had a visit with my family doctor today and she took the bandages off from the port surgery. Everything looks good. I must say it’s my favourite scar so far; it actually looks more like a thin scratch.

Today I found the energy that I was hoping to find before tomorrow’s chemo. So I washed the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms and did the laundry. I already got the lecture from my mom, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that. I could have helped you.” My reply was simple. When I have the time, I actually like to clean. It could be the high I get from the cleaners or the way the vacuum drowns out the rest of the world or the fact that I can play my music as loud as I want but I think really boils down to feeling like I’ve actually accomplished something. I know that tomorrow at this time you won’t even be able to tell that I cleaned the house but for a few hours, it makes me happy.

Later,
me

Support Group

I received a call the other day from Wellspring to say that they have enough people to start another breast cancer support group on June 7th. We'll meet every Wednesday for 8 weeks.

As soon as my friend Colleen called to tell me she also had breast cancer, I told her to get on the waiting list for the support group. I remember when Colleen called me back to say that she was number 8 on the list and we only needed to find 2 more people; we were actually excited. We laughed at how odd it was to wish this upon 2 more people. I am glad we will be there together and if it doesn't work out, you'll find us at the movies on Wednesday afternoons.

me

Tube Top

I’m feeling more tired and weak today than I’d like to admit. I’m convincing myself that it’s probably the residual effects of last Thursday’s surgery. I am slightly concerned about this Friday’s blood work and hope that my counts will be high enough for me to have the chemo.

Speaking of chemo, I will be able to try out my new port-a-cath at the next treatment. (Here's a picture of what it looks like http://bardaccess.com/port-arterial.php) I must get to the drug store to buy some Emla Cream which is a topical cream that is put on the skin over the port. This will help numb the pain of the intravenous needle. My dilemma now, as strange as it sounds, is what to wear to the next chemo treatment. The port is on my left side. If you find the midpoint of my collar bone then go south 4 inches, that’s where you’ll find the port. The only kind of top that I can think would work is a tube top but I haven’t worn one of those since I was eight and I’m not planning on wearing one again. If I was in a private room I would just let it all hang out but at the clinic you’re in an huge ‘L’ shaped room with chairs and beds lined up on both sides of the room with little or no privacy.

Thank you to all of the people who e-mailed me after my last posting. I now know that the Marriott Hotel is well liked as 4 different people claim that they could have been the one viewing the blog from the hotel. Tanya T. - As for RSS feeds, Steve’s working on tracking those too.

Good night,

me

Steve's Pet Project

Like Steve didn’t have enough to do; he’s added me to his list of projects. We’ve always been curious to find out how many people view this blog and now Steve’s been able to track not only the number of people but so much more. So, here are some interesting stats for you from Friday. On Friday there were 84 people who viewed the blog; 2 from the UK and the rest from Canada. From there, Canada is broken down by province then by city. Who are the 2 people from Quebec? It gets better. You can also track people by their internet service provider. Congratulations Western, you win top spot with 22 people (who all read the blog on their lunch hour…right?) Who was the person who viewed from the Marriott Hotel? The information is mind boggling…maps…bar graphs…line graphs…etc. but no names, so don’t worry.

I would be interested in hearing from people that I don’t’ know who have read the blog and find out our connection. (You can e-mail me at ksgroves@hotmail.com.) As Steve joked, it will be like playing “Six Degrees of Kim Groves” instead of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.”

Right from the time of diagnosis, I have been very open to sharing this journey with all of you. My ultimate goal is to provide people with an insider’s perspective to breast cancer so they may be able to learn from the experience, provide support to others and remove some of the anxiety for those who may find themselves going along the same path. Feel free to pass it on.

me

Toga Party For One

Yesterday’s surgery went well. We arrived at the hospital at 8:30am and were sent to Surgery Daycare. From there it was the routine that has become so familiar…change into the gown, get IV hooked up and wait. Steve and I met with the surgeon around 11:15am. The surgeon explained the procedure and that I would be given a sedative that would make me feel like I had 2 or 3 glasses of wine...we all know for me, that’s more like 4 or 5 glasses. When I got into the operating room, Dave, a member of the surgical team, said they like to play music during surgery…great. We chose The Rolling Stones; then came the sedative. It was like being at a toga party, except I was the only one wearing a sheet. I was awake through the entire surgery so the doctor would periodically ask how I was doing. The only part of me that hurt was my butt because the operating table didn’t have a lot of padding. When the surgery was over, I was sent to recovery for 3 hours so they could monitor my vitals. I’ll be having a follow with my family doctor next week so she can remove the bandages.

A few of you have asked about the Web site that sells the t-shirts. I’ve pasted the link below.

http://www.planetcancer.org/html/store.php?sec_Id=7

Happy shopping,

me

T-Shirts

I’m happy to report that I’m on the upswing from my last chemo treatment and finding a bit more energy each day. Tomorrow I have an appointment at St. Joseph’s Hospital to get my port-a-cath put in. This is the device that will save the veins in my left arm over the next year. It will be used to draw blood and to administer the chemotherapy. I have to be at the hospital around 8:30am and I think the actual procedure is at 10am. I’m going to be starving by time it’s done since I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. I’m sure I’ll have lots of details to provide you with once I get home tomorrow. Yippee, another scar for my collection.

I think most of you know my stance on cancer; it’s not something I run and hide from, it’s something I turn and laugh at. Having said that, I’ve been introduced to a place that sells some great cancer t-shirts (thank you Andrea/Cathy). Here are some of my favourites. (Prepare for foul language – sorry Nan, Nana, GG.)

CCKMA – Cancer Can Kiss My Ass
My To Do List 1. Beat Breast Cancer 2. Take Over World
F*CK CANCER (no asterisk on the actual shirt)
I Had Cancer And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt
Instant Survivor – Just Add Chemo
WARNING – I Have Received Radiation Therapy. If You Can Read This You Are Standing TOO CLOSE!

I’m not sure I could wear #3 without a lot of explaining to Andrew and Sean. Maybe I’ll pick another one.

me

Genetic Counseling 101

Most people are surprised when they hear that only 5 – 10% of breast cancer is hereditary. The other 90 – 95% of breast cancer is caused by environmental factors. Because I fall outside the ‘normal’ age range for developing breast cancer, my doctors want to see if I have a genetic mutation. Patients who have inherited breast cancer have a gene mutation in BRCA1 (Breast Cancer gene 1) or BRCA2 (Breast Cancer gene 2). I chose to go through with the testing which involves taking blood samples. From here, the test will take 6 months so I should find out the results sometime in October.

There can be a few different outcomes.

1. There is no gene mutation detected, chalk it up to some unknown environmental factor.
2. There is a gene mutation; the cancer was inherited; we do nothing.
3. Same as 2 except we make testing available to my parents to see who I inherited this from. This could lead to testing of other blood relatives if they chose to have the genetic testing done.

Just because someone has a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation does not mean they will develop cancer but their chances of getting cancer are increased. With BRCA1, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 20 – 60% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times. With BRCA2, breast cancer increases 50 – 85%, ovarian cancer increases 5 – 20% and prostate cancer increases 3 – 6 times.

There are many touchy issues with genetic testing. Some people just don’t want to know, which is completely understandable. Because I already know I have cancer, I want make information available to other family members (if they want it) that could possibly help them. For example, if I did have a gene mutation, other blood relatives would have access to testing for themselves, access to earlier preventative screening and access to earlier treatments.

The other sensitive issue surrounding genetic testing is genetic discrimination. Because insurance companies have access to your medical records, if you have a known gene mutation, you could possibly be denied insurance or be forced to pay huge premiums. I say ‘known’ gene mutation because everyone has some kind of gene mutation; either they don’t know it or scientists haven’t figured out the test yet.

On a funnier note, the genetic counselor went through a series of questions with me when we met. My favourite was, “How often do you have clinical breast exams?” I explained to her that she was the only medical person I had met in the last 3 months that didn’t want me to take my shirt off.

me

Radiation 101

On Thursday I met with my radiologist. I have learned that I will be starting radiation after chemotherapy is done. Unlike chemotherapy that destroys cancer cells throughout the entire body, radiation will destroy any cancer cells that my have lingered at the original site. As with all treatments, there can be side effects which may include darkening of skin, arm swelling, blistering of the skin, fatigue, lung scaring etc. etc. In total, I will be having 30 radiation sessions; everyday, Monday to Friday for 6 weeks. Guess I better get a parking pass for the hospital!

I will meet again with the radiologist in August to plan out the treatments i.e. should I only get the breast radiated or the breast, and lymph nodes under the arm and around the collar bone. I will also be getting tattoos that they will use as markers to ensure that the radiation is targeted at the same area for each treatment. I wonder if I can get smiley face tattoos?

It was great to see everyone at the Year End party yesterday. I must say that your singing has improved tremendously since I’ve been away. (FYI…the card was in the mailbox when I got home…thanks.)

I had the appointment with Genetic Counseling yesterday. Stay tuned for Genetic Counseling 101.

me

Time Management

This is the part of the treatment that I find most frustrating…the fatigue. Basically I find that I have about an hour and a half of energy for the day so I have to consciously decide how to use that time. After the first treatment, around day 5 or 6, I thought I could get a few things at the grocery store. I quickly realized about 15 minutes after I got there that I needed to head back home while I could still drive. It’s frustrating when your mind thinks of a millions things you could do but your body just can’t to it. So, I have to learn to make the most of the energy I have. I like to pick the kids up at the end of the day..there’s ½ hour. I like to go for a walk…there’s ½ hour. As you can imagine, the other ½ hour gets used up very quickly.

Today Steve and I have our initial consultation with the radiologist. Tomorrow will be the consultation with the genetic counselors.

Off for a nap,

me

Dear Andrew and Sean,

It has occurred to me several times over the past few months that Andrew and Sean will probably have little, if any, recollection of me having cancer when they grow up. I can’t say that I remember many things from when I was 4… maybe a few things from when I was 6. So, although this blog is for me and you, I also write it for Andrew and Sean. Someday maybe 10, 15 or 20 years from now, when I think they could use a little inspiration to meet whatever challenges present themselves; I’ll give them a copy. Maybe this will become one of those stories I pull out many times. I can hear the boys now, “Here goes mom, talking about her blog again.”

Maybe there will be a cure by then…you never know.

me

Chemo Treatment 2 of 8

Another round of chemo done…1/4 of the way there. I thought I would walk you through the day just in case you’re curious as to what happens. I had Steve take 2 pictures while I was getting my chemo, one with my hat on and one with my hat off. In the picture with my hat off, the glare off my head looked too bright so I chose the hat on picture. I’ll work on getting a good bald picture on soon.

11:00am
Check in with Clinic II, fill out paperwork

11:30am
Report to Lab for blood work to make sure my blood counts are back in the normal range before I can have more chemo.

12:00pm
Meet with my primary nurse to go over results from blood work. I was surprised to find out that most of my blood counts were better than they were before my first chemo treatment. Take first anti-nausea drug.

12:15pm
Meet with the nurse practitioner who specializes in Breast Cancer. Review side effects from last chemo. In terms of fatigue, they say exercise helps so I need to make sure I get in daily walks. The chemo gives you a really dry mouth. I have to have water beside me at night because I wake up several times a night feeling like there isn’t even a drop of saliva in my mouth. More water = more trips to the bathroom. The nurse suggests I rinse with water and baking soda several times a day to help with the dry mouth.

1:30pm
Check into the “Chemo Suite” (that’s what they really call it). As soon as you get in your chair, the nurse grabs a nice warm blanket to put over you because the room is a bit cool. They keep the temperature down to help with the nausea. The nurse then hooks up the IV and puts hot packs on your arm because the drugs feel cold when they go into your veins. At my next chemo appointment on May 26th, I’ll have the port-a-cath in which will be nice. Take 2nd anti-nausea drug. First chemo drug by syringe through IV then second chemo drug by drip through IV.

3:15pm
Home

That’s how it all works.

me

Random Hair Thoughts

By the end of the day yesterday, I had a bald spot on my forehead the size of a golf ball and the rest of my hair was looking pretty thin. So, I called up my wonderful neighbour with the clippers and she shaved it all off. Below are some random thoughts that have been swirling in my head and some interesting thoughts from others. I thought it would make a nice Top Ten list but I could only come up with 9 things. Here they are in no particular order although I think Sean’s comment would be number 1.

-My head feels like a big cactus except it’s not my hand that hurts when I touch my head, it’s my head that hurts.
-I look like a mannequin without the 20 inch waist.
-I look like Mr./Mrs. Clean…I need one hoop earring.
-My head is like one massive piece of Velcro…my hats will never blow off.
-Sean’s first comment was, “You’re bald. You look funny. Your hair is like Squidward’s from Sponge Bob Squarepants.”
-Andrew just gave me a raised eyebrow smile.
-Steve said that he’s glad I have a nice shaped head.
-I think I could use my head as a giant lint roller.
-It’s breezy when you open the fridge.

Happy 10th Steve.

Love,
me

Shedding

One strong wind and the rest of my hair will be gone!

me

Tour Guide

Since the beginning of this journey, I have been looking for cancer patients my own age to compare notes with. I didn’t expect that one of them would be a friend of mine. On Saturday morning I got a phone call from a good friend calling to say that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. We are the same age and have received similar test results; small tumor with lymph node involvement. I’m still shocked. I know she is reading this and perhaps some of her friends and family are too. Know that I will be a very good tour guide on this journey and together we will make it through. Buckle up…the ride is about to begin.

Steve has said that some women get together to work on scrapbooks; we’ll get together to work on our binders.

All the best,

me

Fang and Happy

I was hoping to have hair for our anniversary dinner on Thursday night but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. Every time I touch my head, my hair falls out…we’re not talking 2 or 3 pieces of hair, it’s more like 20 or 30 pieces of hair at a time. I have to stop myself from continually pulling it out; it’s like when you start peeling after a sunburn and you keep picking at your skin except it’s my hair. I’ll have to get it buzzed again…right to the wood this time so it’s not all patchy and uneven. I never thought I’d see the day when my brother would have more hair than me.

We took the boys to Storybook Gardens this afternoon so they could run around and play. On the way home we stopped at a pet store and bought them their first ‘pets’. I use the term pets loosely because they each got a Beta fish. Low maintenance is key. Andrew named his fish Fang and Sean named his fish Happy. We’ll see how long they last.

me

In Sickness and in Health

Just touching the hair on the top of my head hurts. It feels like every piece of hair is a needle sticking into my head. I guess that means that the chemo has made its way up there.

Steve and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary next week…hard to believe ten years has gone by already. We were talking about what we were doing ten years ago and had to laugh because I was sick. Long story short, I was so stressed with year end at work and all the wedding plans that I ended up in the hospital. The more things change, the more they stay the same?!?!

I had the opportunity to get out and see some friends this week. It was so nice to have some social interaction…that’s what I miss most about being at home.

Today we’re off to my parents place to celebrate Emma’s (my niece) 7th birthday. Looks like a great day for a BBQ.

Have a good weekend.

me

Little Smoochy Mama

Sean is a born comedian. I’m sure the staff at the daycare would back me up on this one. He is the king of one liners and has many different accents, all at the ripe old age of four. Sean has a new nickname for me that he says in his Jamaican accent…. I’m his “Little Smoochy Mama”. I have no idea where it came from; that’s just typical Sean.

I can tell that my hair will probably start to fall out soon. Today when I pulled out a gray hair, it came out with very little effort. I guess the good thing is that I won’t have to shave my legs all summer…another perk.

Take care,

me

Look Good; Feel Better

Barb’s visit went well yesterday. She was here for 2 hours, did some dishes, went over recipes and did some laundry. It felt weird watching someone do that stuff around the house but it was so nice to have it done. She’s going to come back on Thursday and cook 3 or 4 meals.

Today I went to a workshop at the Cancer Clinic. It was called ‘Look Good; Feel Better’. It’s a program put on by the Canadian Cosmetic, Toiletry and Fragrance Association Foundation. Basically dozens of companies donate product for the workshops and volunteers from the cosmetic industry give you tips on skin care, sun protection, nail care and makeup application. You get a shoebox filled with stuff from Clinque, MAC, Elizabeth Arden, Mary Kay, etc for free. Who knew that cancer came with these kinds of perks! There was also a man who brought several wigs and hats. Some women at the workshop were already wearing wigs….it was interesting. I still don’t think a wig is for me. So far I’ve felt comfortable with my new look. I feel awkward when people don’t know I have cancer so wearing a wig would be uncomfortable for me.

I can’t remember if I mentioned that I’m going to be getting a Port-a-Cath on May 18th. It’s a medical device that will be implanted under the skin some where around my collar bone. Because the chemo I get is all done through intravenous, the Port-a-Cath will be used to draw blood and receive chemo so the veins in my arm aren’t over taxed. (On the 5th chemo treatment, I will be given Herceptin which will continue every 3 weeks for a year.)

You’re up to date now on this continuing story.

me

Virus

Andrew never gets sick but since I had my chemo treatment he’s had the stomach flu and a cold. I managed to avoid the stomach flu but not the cold. Seeing as I’m a bit paranoid about getting sick, I took Andrew to a medical clinic on Saturday morning. The doctor confirmed that Andrew has a virus, as do I. Other than monitoring my temperature, which I do several times a day, there’s nothing we can do.

It’s hard to believe that it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my first chemo treatment. The next one is scheduled for next Friday (May 5th). I’ll be a quarter of the way through which is very exciting for me.

Today, Barb, the woman who is going to help me around the house, is coming for a few hours this afternoon. Part of me wants to clean the house before she gets here and the other part of me wants to leave it because if I don’t, she’ll have nothing to do. I’ve never had anyone come in and clean my house so this is a bit awkward for me.

Not much else to report today.

me

Here We Glow Again

This morning I’ll be going to the hospital to have another test done. It’s called a “Wall Motion Study” which may sound like a test that should be done in the Wind Tunnel at Western but it’s actually a heart test. I did a search on the internet to get more information. Here’s what I found…

It’s really called a gated nuclear angiogram which is a technique using radioisotopes to measure the pump function of the heart. “The red blood cells are tagged with a radioactive material (here we glow again). As the red blood cells circulate through the heart, counts of their radioactivity are obtained with a gamma camera. A computer constructs moving pictures of the heart by timing and counting radioactivity throughout the contraction and relaxation phases of the heart’s cardiac cycle.”

Some of the drugs I will be taking can cause heart problems in a small percentage of people. Today’s test will provide a baseline that will be used to compare future tests as I go through more rounds of chemotherapy.

I’d better get ready to go.

me

P.S. Donna – I will try to include more pictures in future entries…just for you.

Pink Sticks

When the pink stick initiative with the NHL players was announced supporting breast cancer research, I decided to e-mail the organizers. I figured that it would be nice for them to hear that their work with this initiative was appreciated by those fighting the battle. This is so unlike me but, I thought it might brighten their day. I wasn’t expecting to get a response back but I have exchanged a few e-mails now. Today I received my very own pink hockey stick. The organizers were kind enough to send me the stick used by Scott Hartnell of the Nashville Predators. We are also expecting a second pink stick to arrive shortly that Steve bid on in the auction. Steve bought Dennis Wideman’s stick. Seeing as Dennis Wideman was a former London Knight, Steve thought it was a good choice.

Not sure where we’re going to put them yet but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

me

Nap

Not much to report today. For the most part I’m just figuring out what my limitations are while I’m on chemo. They say that nausea can usually hit in the first 2-3 days after chemo but with all the medication I was on, I seem to have avoided that stage. I was told that fatigue usually sets in 4-5 days after treatment…I have found this to be true. I laid down for a nap yesterday morning at 9:30am and didn’t wake up until noon! Until now, I’ve never been able to nap during the day so I was shocked to find out I had slept for 2 ½ hours.

Well, Steve has left to take the boys to school and I feel another nap coming on so I’ll sign off for now.

Take care,

me

I Spoke Too Soon...

I had a feeling when I wrote that everyone was fine, it would come back to haunt me. Sean awoke at 12:45am throwing up. I’m so used to going into Mom-mode when the kids get sick that I found it hard to step back and let Steve take care of everything. The best I could do was sit across the hall from Sean’s room and tell him that everything was going to be alright while he held the bucket on his lap. Sean noticed some things that the Easter Bunny had left in his room so that cheered him up.

So here are the pictures. Before…the Mohawk…After.

Enjoy,

me

Change of Plans

We had a slight change of plans yesterday. About an hour after we arrived at Steve’s parents, Andrew started to throw up. After about the third time throwing up, we decided that it would be easier to deal with this at home so we packed ourselves back up in the car. Before we left, Sean managed to lock himself in the bathroom and we had a scavenger hunt for Steve’s wallet. Never a dull moment. Today Andrew is fine and no one else seems to have caught his bug.

I keep wondering to myself how many people have checked out the blog to see the pictures of my new hairdo. I laugh…because I know I would do the same thing if it were someone else.

Soon…I promise.

me

Crazy Hair Day

Well, I managed to get my driver’s license picture taken yesterday before I got my head shaved, although I don’t really mind my hair the way it is now. My friend Moira, who lives across the street, was able to shave it in her studio (broken finger and all). My hair is about ½ inch long now. It was nice to get my head shaved in the privacy of her home instead of in some salon being watched by everyone. We took some fun pictures along the way that I’ll try to get posted soon. For the most part I’m used to it now although sometimes I get caught off guard when I walk by a mirror.

When I saw Sean he just smiled and said, “Hi Mom”. Last night at bedtime when I was reading him a story he spent most of the time rubbing my head. Andrew said, “I thought you were going to be bald…you still have hair.” I explained that it will eventually fall out but it would grow back again. He said, “So it’s like a pattern, you had long hair, then short hair, then you’ll have no hair, then you’ll have short hair and then you’ll have long hair again.” That’s it in a nutshell.

We’re heading to Thornhill this morning to stay at Steve’s parents for the night and catch up with the Groves. Tomorrow Steve is going to take the boys to the Zoo…they are so excited. I’m going to rest while they’re off on their adventure.

Happy Easter,

me

This is Your Brain. This is Your Brain on Drugs.

Last night was a bit of a restless night. My brain was racing like a tape recorder when you hit the play and fast forward buttons at the same time. Just constant thoughts over and over again. Among the visuals was the TV commercial on drugs with the eggs frying in the pan...hence the title tonight. I tried to get in a few naps today; hopefully tonight will be better.

I just got my driver’s license renewal in the mail. Go figure…I need a new picture so I’m going to try to make it to the license renewal place tomorrow morning because tomorrow is the big day. My neighbour is going to shave my head. Tomorrow is also ‘Crazy Hair Day’ for Andrew at school so I told him I would be having ‘Crazy Hair Day’ too. Sean assures me that it will grow back.

I’m going to take some before and after pictures tomorrow and I’ll try to get Steve to help me post them to the blog. That way, it will take away some of the shock the next time I see you.

Talk to you later,

me

Chemo Treatment 1 of 8 (Sponsored by The Beatles)

Just a quick note to let you all know that things went well today. I’m a bit tired at the moment but happy to get the first treatment out of the way…7 more to go. Over the next few weeks I’ve got 6 appointments scheduled. I think I’ve had more appointments in the last 2 months than I’ve had in my entire life!

I didn’t sleep well last night. Mainly because I have to drink 2 litres of water a day and I was up in the night 4 times to go to the bathroom. In between trips to the bathroom my brain was “on”…singing Beatles songs, thinking about the treatment, thinking about stuff I need to buy for Easter etc.

On the way to the appointment today, Steve and I listened to The Beatles Abbey Road CD to take off some of the edge. The Cancer Clinic was quite busy today. Although there were some younger faces there today, it still reminded me of a retirement home. There was even an older gentleman playing the piano to entertain the patients in the waiting areas. Steve and I were waiting line at the Tim Horton’s when the piano guy starts playing a familiar tune…we looked at each other and laughed because the piano guy was playing ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ from The Beatles Abbey Road album. Strange.

The appointment started off with getting some blood tests done. All my blood levels were fine so then I went to the chemo room. I had the choice of two seats…I chose number 15. The session started with taking 2 anti-nausea drugs Dexamethasone (dex-a-METH-a-sone) and Ondansetron (on-DAN-se-tron). Then the nurse put in the intravenous line. The first chemo drug was Doxorubicin (Dosc-oh-RUBE-i-sin) and it was injected into the intravenous line by two huge syringes. Next I had Cycophosphamide (sigh-clos-FOS-fa-mide) that was administered though the intravenous line by drip. I will have these 2 drugs for the first 4 chemo cycles then I will change to 2 different drugs for the last 4 cycles. The chemotherapy beginning to end will be 8 cycles, 3 weeks apart. I’ve been told that any nausea will happen in the first 2 -3 days. So, for the next 3 days I will continue taking the same anti-nausea drugs that I had before the chemo plus Prochlorperazine (pro-klor-PARE-a-zeen) when required. I’m told the fatigue will probably set in 4 or 5 days from now.

There are lists of side effects for each of these medications, but the most important to note is increased risk of infection due to decreased white blood cells. For this reason, it is dangerous for me to be around people who are sick. Since my body’s immune system will be running at a minimum, if I catch any kind of sickness, I could be hospitalized. I am required to take my temperature 3-4 times a day to make sure I don’t have a fever. Don’t be offended if you come to the house and you are asked to enter the decontamination room…just kidding…but we have dispensers of hand sanitizers all over the house.

So much for the quick note.

me

The Boys

I found out today that my chemotherapy will start tomorrow. I will have blood tests first, which will be standard before each treatment, then the chemo will start around 2pm.

Because things are starting tomorrow, we decided to tell the boys tonight. Bath time seemed be the most appropriate time to fill them in. Basically Steve said, “Mom has to go back to see the doctor tomorrow. Remember when they did surgery on her shoulder…well they found a tiny piece of cancer and they took it out.” I said, “Now I have to go and see the doctor to get some medicine to make sure it doesn’t come back. The medicine will make me feel tired and you know the weird part? It’s going to make all my hair fall out.” Everyone had a good laugh. Sean went on playing in the bath and Andrew said, “Can I go to the hospital with you? It’s a good thing that you got the cancer now and not 10 years ago because they know more about cancer now.” Neither one of them had anything more to say about it. We took their lead; they changed the subject and the bedtime routine continued on as usual. I’m not sure how much they really took in… but it’s a start. I think it will probably sink in during the week ahead.

Although I’m told my hair probably won’t start falling out for 2 weeks, I’m planning on getting it buzzed soon. I want to take control over that process instead of waiting for it to fall out. I would hate to wake up with big clumps of hair missing…talk about bad bed head!

I’m off to bed now to get a good night’s sleep.

me

Here Comes The Sun

London Regional Cancer Clinic

I must say that it has a nicer environment than the South Street hospital. I still feel out of place though. When we sat down in the waiting area, we were surrounded by people in their 60s, 70s and 80s. I’m not wishing there were more young people with cancer, but it would just be nice to see the younger cancer patients once in a while.

Steve and I met my primary nurse first; she’s very nice, in her late 50s. Then, we met my chemo doctor, Dr. Potvin. She’s around my age. It was sooooo nice to see a younger person, someone who I can relate to…someone who also has a young family.

Dr. Potvin explained that chemo and hormone therapy would be an option. Steve and I have always considered it a given, but Dr. Potvin said that some people just don’t want to go through these therapies. If you look at 100 women my age, with the same kind of breast cancer, who elect for no further treatment after surgery, 47 of them will be alive and without cancer in 10 years. If you take those same 100 women and give them chemotherapy and hormone therapy, 89 of them will be alive and without cancer in 10 years. The decision seems straightforward to me.

I will go over my treatment regime in a future blog. (I have to spread out my ‘material’.) I will tell you though that I will lose my hair and I’m told that when it comes back it will be even curlier…how can that be…I guess poison will do that to you.

Last night Steve and I went to Orchestra London’s ‘Jeans and Classics – The Beatles Abbey Road’ with the GoodLife group. For those of you that don’t know, in the Lincoln household, as soon as you could walk and talk, you learned the lyrics to every Beatles song. My Dad carries on that tradition whenever the boys stay at my parent’s place. Sean has been known to breakout into his own rendition of Yellow Submarine for his classmates. Anyway, listening to the music last night took me to that comfortable and relaxing place I had hoped to find with the support group and the massage. Steve and I both thoroughly enjoyed the evening.

Back to the massage issue… I talked to Dr. Potvin and she said that a massage can not spread the cancer. In fact, she suggested that if that was the belief of the spa, then cancer patients should, in fact, have massages after chemo treatments to increase the circulation of the chemicals throughout the body. Mark, Karla, Sharon…please do not egg the spa! I hold nothing against the massage therapist or the spa; I just think that they are misinformed. I have thought of writing them a letter to provide them with the correct information so another cancer patient doesn’t have to go through the same thing. Steve thinks I should write a letter to the paper; we’ll see.

me

Vent

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m looking for a place to vent.

I’d like to tell you about how wonderful my massage was today but I can’t. It didn’t happen. After work I went to the spa and when I arrived I had to fill out a medical questionnaire, which is standard when you have your first visit to a spa. There were boxes to check off for various medical conditions, of course I checked off the box that said cancer. I gave the questionnaire back the receptionist then sat back and enjoyed a drink and read a magazine. The massage therapist introduced herself to me then took me upstairs to my room. She started to go over the medical questionnaire and asked about the cancer. I explained that I had had surgery and I would be starting chemo soon. I wasn’t prepared for her response. She said, ‘We don’t do massages on cancer patients unless they are terminally ill or are cancer free now.’ When someone tells me that I can’t do something, I usually take it on as a personal challenge to prove them wrong. This time all I could do was get my coat, get in my car and drive home. Before I left, the massage therapist explained that there are risks associated with massage on cancer patients in terms of increased circulation to cancer cells. She asked if I wanted to have a pedicure but at that point I just wanted to leave.

So to recap the ‘me things’ I wanted to do this week:

1. Join the Breast Cancer Support Group – oh, it’s full
2. Have a massage – oops, I can’t…I have cancer

The rollercoaster just keeps going around.

me

Friday

Since my appointment with the oncologist has been moved up to this Friday, I’ve decided that Friday will also be my last day at work. I feel much better knowing that things are more organized this time around…I’m sure Carter does too. So if I don’t see you at work in the next two days, know that you can always find me here.

Catch you later,

me

Money Jar

I think I’ve traumatized Sean. At 2:30am I could here him crying so I went into his bedroom. When I asked him what was wrong, he said, “I don’t want to lose my money. I want my money back from the money jar.” So this morning was the end of the money jar and Sean took back his 75 cents (I kept Steve’s money). Hopefully this will stop the bad dreams and he won’t require any future therapy. :)

Work was another day of training. Like I said before, it feels good to be passing the information on because my brain…you know how it is…it just won’t shut off when I wake up in the middle of the night. It keeps thinking of a million different pieces of information to pass on. Eventually after I get it all out, I’ll sleep much better.

me

P.S. Thank you to who ever you are that bought me the subscription to WISH magazine. Jane – Are you sure it isn’t you???

All Clear

I received a call from the surgeon’s office this afternoon with results from the bone scan. The scan was clear which is amazing news. Now we know what we’re dealing with - Stage II Breast Cancer. This is a huge relief for me to finally get all the scary unknowns out of the way.

I tried to register for the Breast Cancer Support Group today but unfortunately it’s full. So, I’m on the waiting list for the next group which isn’t likely to be happening for a few months. Perhaps there are similar groups arranged through the Cancer Clinic.

The massage is booked. 1pm Thursday at Tetherwood Spa.

Onward and upward,

me

Relax

I got word from the surgeon’s office that the ultrasound came back clear. More good news. The doctor hadn’t reviewed the bone scan yet but hoped to get back to me early next week.

Someone asked me yesterday what I had done for myself since all of this began. I must admit that I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve taken tons of courses through university and the CGA program but I’ve never been taught how to relax. I like to be busy; I guess I was born that way. So, in the week ahead I plan to pay more attention to myself…maybe go for a massage, read a book…basically learn to relax.

I tend to be a nag at the dinner table. I’m constantly saying, “Don’t talk with your mouth full. Sit down. Less talking, more eating. Use your manners.” Tonight I decided that for every time I have to nag someone, they have to put 25 cents in a jar. Sean (and Steve I might add) had to put in 75 cents. Sean cried because he didn’t want to give away his money but reluctantly put it in the jar anyway. Andrew thought it was kind of like playing poker. He also said we should keep this up for a year and he hoped to win all the money. Andrew explained that he would take the money to the hospital and give it to the people for cancer research. I have no doubt that he will...he still doesn't know.

me

The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Oil

Just a quick update. We've managed to get my appointment with the oncologist moved up 3 weeks. Instead of meeting on April 28th, I'll now be meeting with her on April 7th.

Let's get this show on the road.

me

My Trusty Binder

Today Steve and I met with my family doctor to ask some questions and get clarification on terms used in the pathology report from the surgery. I went with binder in hand and it proved to be useful; my family doctor hadn't yet received the pathology report. One of the questions we asked was about the wait time until my appointment with the medical oncologist…should we look at trying to get an earlier appointment in Toronto? She explained that although we could pursue getting an appointment in Toronto, it wasn’t necessary. When you consider that the tumor was likely there for 5 to 8 years, waiting a few weeks to see the oncologist isn’t really concerning. The unfortunate reality of it all is that I can not get in earlier because of the sheer number of people also waiting to be treated.

For those of you who didn’t get an opportunity to see the CBC program on Marketplace: Chasing the Cancer Answer, it is going to be on again this Sunday at 7pm. After the initial airing the CBC received over 2,000 e-mails regarding the program. They said that the average response after a show is 30 e-mails. Since the last airing, The Canadian Cancer Society has provided a response to the show on their Web site.

All for now,

me

Creature of Habit

I’ve realized what a creature of habit I am. I like routines. Without them I feel disorganized…must be that control freak in me again. While I’m waiting for the next chapter to begin, I need to create a new routine. I’ve decided to work in the mornings and I have a few ideas on filling my afternoons. I plan to start going to the gym in the afternoons or maybe even start running again seeing as the warmer weather is just around the corner. I figure that this time will be a good opportunity for me to get into good physical and mental condition before the chemo starts. I’ve also decided to check out the resources at Wellspring. They have a Breast Cancer Support Group that starts next month that I thought I might try out. At first I wasn’t interested in any support groups but meeting with the other women at the focus group last week has opened my mind up to the idea. As with any challenge, I find it interesting to listen to those who are more experienced.

This afternoon I organized a binder with all my appointments, test results, medications, genetic testing questionnaires, etc. Along this process I will be seeing several doctors, each of whom will have a separate file on me. I want to have a complete file/binder on me that includes information from all the doctors. As many of you can imagine, the binder is organized with colour coded tabs for each section…that’s the accountant coming out in me and my secret love of stationery. (Laugh if you must but I know I’m not the only one out there. KC, SC, JB...no, that JB is not Jim.)

Anyway, enough for tonight.

me

Sometimes I Forget

As strange as this may sound; sometimes I forget that I have cancer. Even typing it now feels like I’m trying to convince myself that it’s true. The initial diagnosis and the surgery almost feel like a dream now. I’m sure that if I started reading the blog from the beginning to end (which I sometimes do), it would feel real again. For now, life is pretty much back to normal, like the past 6 weeks never happened.

Last night we watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. At the beginning of the show they introduced the family and told the story of why this family were ideal candidates for a new home. It turns out that the father has cancer. They talked about how it was affecting all the family members and how he’s coping. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I have cancer. I immediately had this awkward feeling as we continued to watch the show. The only way I can describe it is to equate it to the feeling I’ve had ever since Andrew and Sean were born. Whenever I see TV shows or movies that focus on child abductions, I just can not watch them and always turn the channel. It’s kind of the same feeling watching shows on cancer, except that I don’t change the channel because I figure there is always something I can learn.

Today I went to the announcement for funding from the Canada Foundation for Innovation to support research at the university. Two of the doctors who received funding are researching how breast cancer cells spread throughout the body. There was a tour of their lab after the presentation that I wish I had gone to, but at the time I felt awkward because the attendees at the announcement were mainly the researchers and the press.

Well I’m off to watch the Apprentice to see if my pick in the pool (Andrea), can stick around for another week.

Talk to you later,

me

Glow in the Dark

8:53am
I’ve just come back from the hospital where I started the process for the bone scan. Reporting to “Nuclear Medicine” just seemed weird, like I was preparing for some space mission or something. After filling out a questionnaire, I was injected in the arm with radioactive material…not sure what’s in that mix but I wonder if I can glow in the dark now?!?! It takes about 3 hours for the mix to find its way around my body so I’m home for a while then due back at the hospital at 11am.

1:57pm
Well that was interesting. The machine that does the scan consists of a table you lay on which is about 18 inches wide and two x-ray cameras that move around you. (As soon as I laid down on the table, a Sheryl Crow song came on the radio…ironic.) First of all they tape your feet together so they don’t move during the scan. The machine then does a head to toe scan that takes about 20 minutes. Next they do a side view of your head that takes a minute or two. Finally they do a 15 minute scan where the x-ray equipment circles your body. For the last scan you’re suppose to have your arms above your head but because I don’t have that range of motion in my right arm yet, the technician decided to have me put my arms down at my side then strap me on to the table with this big velcro belt (because the table is so narrow it would be hard to keep my arms still for 15 minutes without moving). After the scans, the technician forgot that I was strapped to the table and the velcro belt got caught on the machine when she was trying to move it...ouch.

The scan was done at the South Street hospital, which I believe is scheduled to be closed down in the near future. Anyway, every time I go there, I feel like I’m in the insane asylum where they filmed One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It’s kind of gloomy; has grey cracked and paint chipped walls, beige linoleum floor, basically void of any colour. (The surroundings in no way reflect the quality of care.) When they strapped me to the table, I chuckled to myself, but the kicker was when I was leaving, I walked by the waiting room and there was a guy there in an orange jumpsuit with his legs chained together and two police officers sitting on either side of him. I was happy to leave.

Have a good weekend,

Me

P.S. My loser comment last night was to be taken a little more tongue in cheek than I think it was interpreted (Mom). I’m fine…really.

Loser

Tonight Steve and I went to the community consultation session for the “Up Front: New Perspectives on Breast Cancer” research project. The purpose of the session was to discuss research findings to date and then to gather in small discussion groups to talk about suggestions to improve breast cancer prevention and care. I’d guess there were probably 60 people in attendance, mainly women of course. I asked Steve if he was uncomfortable being only 1 of 3 men there but he said he actually didn’t even notice since he’s used to being surrounded by women at work. The average age of the women was probably 50ish, all at various stages; some survivors for many years, some going through treatments now and others just finished their treatments. As part of our small discussion groups, each person had to introduce themselves and tell a bit about their story. I don’t like these situations at the best of times. When it was my turn, I got out about 3 words then I lost it. I was half crying and half laughing because I openly talk to everyone about what’s happening on a daily basis with no problem but tonight it took me a few minutes to find the words. I felt like a loser but what better people to fall apart in front of than a group of breast cancer survivors.

Anyway, the common feeling among everyone was that there is no standard of care for breast cancer patients. Once you are told you have breast cancer (or probably any cancer) you’re put on this assembly line. You meet with your doctor, go off and have some tests, then you’re moved along to the surgeon, more test, then you move on to the medical oncologist, then the radiation oncologist etc. The feeling among those who have done the full cycle is that there are many silos in the process when what you really need more is of a team approach or a navigator to bring some continuity to the experience. All in all, an interesting evening.

Off to bed,

me

Cancer 101

I finally got word regarding my appointment at the Cancer Clinic. I have an appointment with Medical Oncology on April 28th and an appointment with Radiation Oncology on May 11th. I must say that I was shocked and disappointed that the appointments are more than a month away. The way things were going, I had expected to start chemo by the end of the month. I was pretty ticked off yesterday so, as I had promised myself, I started unpacking more boxes. Today I have started to see the positive aspects of having a month to wait. I had wanted to take the kids to the Toronto Zoo for the Easter celebration but wasn’t sure I would be able to make it…now I know I can.

In terms of work, I have this guilty feeling about being off on sick leave when I’m really not that sick. It feels like I’m playing hooky. So I’ve decided to go back to work part-time for the next month. I’ve been put on a cancellation list at the Cancer Clinic so there is still a chance that I will be in sooner than the 28th.

Today I had my ultrasound appointment. The purpose of the ultrasound was to see if there are any tumors in my abdomen in order to "stage" the cancer (staging explained below). In the abdomen there are 8 organs (don’t ask me to name them all) that the technician looks at. The technician told me that in breast and colon cancer patients, the liver would likely be the first place for any additional tumors to be found. She said that my liver appeared to be clear, but the radiologist would need to review the pictures and give the final word to my doctor.

When you have cancer, the doctors stage the cancer, in part to see if it has spread beyond the initial tumor. They also use the staging results to determine your treatment program. There are 4 stages of cancer. With respect to breast cancer, the stages (in a nutshell) are as follow:

Stage I
- the tumor is less than 2 cm and has not spread

Stage II – the cancer is less than 2 cm but has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer is 2cm – 5cm, and may or may not have spread to the lymph nodes under the arm

Stage III – the cancer is 5cm or larger and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm or the cancer has spread to the chest wall, muscles or lymph nodes along the breast bone

Stage IV
– the tumor is of any size and has spread to distant sites in the body (usually the bones, lungs, liver or brain)

Right now the doctors know that I have Stage II breast cancer because the tumor was 1 cm and had spread to 2 of the regional lymph nodes under my arm. Once I have the official ultrasound and bone scan results, hopefully the doctors will be able to confirm that the cancer has not gone beyond Stage II.

I have a feeling we’ll all be cancer specialist by the time this is over.

Rest up,

me

File Transfer

My work replacement, Rosemary, started yesterday. It’s amazing all of the information you have in your brain. You don’t realize it until you have to spit it all out. Rosemary and I were wishing that we could just put our heads together then have some Star Trekish process take over to transfer all the work files from my brain to hers. (Ab, perhaps you could help us out?)

I was planning on working today but I’m feeling a bit green…don’t misinterpret that to mean I’m having any residual effects from St. Patrick’s Day…I just think I’m trying to fight one of those bugs that’s going around out there.

I’ve called to see if any progress has been made on my appointment with the Cancer Clinic…no luck. The waiting is driving me crazy. It gives me too much time to think.

It looks like Natalie Portman is setting a trend with her new movie; V is for Vendetta, where she shaves her head. It’s been a hot topic on all the talk shows. Any other takers out there who want to follow the trend with me?

All for now,

me

P.S. Happy 86th Birthday Nan!

Dress Code

The woman who has been hired to replace me at work starts on Monday and I will be in to work over the next week or so to assist with training. Although I am relieved to be able to pass the torch on, there are many things that I wish I could continue to be involved in. I am sure that I will be keeping in touch and dropping by the office, not only to see everyone but also because the Finance Department at Western almost always has food. I’m sure the 5lbs I’ve put one since joining the Finance team can be directly attributable to all the cakes, donuts, muffins and other treats that magically appear on the counter.

Since my focus will be off of work for awhile, my brain needs something focus on. The Sudoko puzzles will fill some of that void. (I’ve finished another 2 now. Sometimes I have to set the kitchen timer when I work on them because hours can go by without me even knowing!) In addition, I’ve started to put some more thought into the post treatment party. When I turned 30, we didn’t have a party because I was 8 months pregnant. When I finished my CGA, we didn’t have a party because we were too busy with building the house and then the move. When we finally moved in, we didn’t have a party because we didn’t have enough furniture. So, there will be no more excuses; I will see to it that this party happens. The price of admission for this party is that you have to wear something pink. Consider yourself fore warned…you have plenty of time to find something pink. Many of you are very creative so this should be interesting!

Enjoy your weekend,

me

15

I am humbled by the number of people who have said that they have found inspiration from this blog. I am happy to hear that many of you have been making appointments to have mammograms and check-ups with your doctors. As Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing”.

One of my main sources of inspiration has been my brother-in-law, Jamie Groves, who passed away from cancer in July 1995. Jamie was wise beyond his 19 years. What I admired most about Jamie was his incredible ability to always make people feel comfortable around him during his fight with cancer. I only hope that I can do the same. Jamie always greeted you with a smile that automatically put you at ease when you felt like you didn’t know what to say or do. During his stay at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Jamie was notorious for pulling practical jokes. One time he took a spoon and held it up under his blankets while he was lying in bed, and when he heard the nurses coming he would pretend to be asleep. The nurses were surprised to see the ‘tent’ in the middle of the bed. He also mooned his mom out the hospital window when she was coming to see him one day. There was never a dull moment and it was great. I can’t say that I’ll be mooning anyone, but I do believe that laughter can be one of the best medicines. Thanks Jamie.

Jamie’s hockey number was 15 and that number has been very special to the Groves over the years. It has been sewn on to the staff uniforms at Muskoka Woods (a camp that Jamie worked at) for the past 10 years and Steve’s mom has incorporated the number 15 into her signature on all her paintings. When Steve and I were buying this lot for our house last year, we knew the lot as Lot 71. It wasn’t until we signed the final papers that we learned that our house number would be 15. We knew we had picked the right place.

The Groves are notorious hockey fans as well as collectors, so I thought I would pass this on to all the Groves out there and others that may be interested. This weekend, many NHL players will be using pink hockey sticks to honour hockey moms and raise money for breast cancer research. The sticks will be used during warmups and games and will then be auctioned off after the weekend on frameworth.com.

Go Pink Go!

me

Tick...tick...tick...

Still waiting to hear about my appointment. I've made a follow-up call to the surgeon's office but they still haven't heard back from the Cancer Clinic yet. At the beginning of all this everything happened so fast so it's frustrating to have this wait.

I have to gather up some family medical history in order to get the referral for genetic testing. I've lost 3 grandparents and 1 aunt to cancer so I'm not sure how that will weigh on my future treatment (mastectomy or radiation).

I'm feeling great at the moment and starting to work on the mobility of my right arm. Other than that not much is new.

Thanks for hanging in there,

me

It's A Small World After All...

I had more company today. Sean was home sick with the cold virus that seems to be making its way around. It was another day of movies and games.

I guess when you get breast cancer your name automatically gets put on the mailing lists. I received a letter today from Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation regarding a project led by several provincial and national breast cancer organizations. Who knew there was more than one organization? I guess I’m showing my ignorance. Anyway, the project is called Up Front: New Perspectives on Breast Cancer. The aim is “to give full voice to the experiences of individuals and communities touched by breast cancer in order to more fully align the health care system with the needs of the people it serves”. So the point of the letter is that there will be a seminar conducted by this group at the London Convention Center next week. Steve and I will likely attend. Wow…another date!

Barb, the women who’ll be helping out during my treatment, left me with some references to call before we made any final arrangements. I called one of the women for a reference and to make a long story short, the woman I called turns out to be an oncology (cancer) nurse from Princess Margaret Hospital which is a cancer hospital in Toronto. The woman worked specifically in the radiation department and has insisted that I keep her number and call her with any future questions. Small world.

Signing off for now,

me

1 Down, 299 To Go

Well I’m happy to report that I finished my first Sudoku puzzle today and I’m already hooked on puzzle number two in the book.

Right now I feel like I’m in limbo. With the surgery behind me now, I’m anxious to move on to the next step. I called the surgeon’s office today on the off chance that they may have my appointment set-up at the Cancer Clinic but I didn’t have any luck. They say the Cancer Clinic told them to call back tomorrow. I would really like to get the chemo going. The sooner I start, the sooner I’m done. The whole hair loss thing has been on my mind lately. I don’t know for sure that that will happen but I’m kind of planning on the fact that I’ll lose my hair. In the grand scheme of things it’s no big deal but still… My hairdresser tells me I have a good face shape for short hair. Short hair yes, I’ve had it before but bald…I don’t think so. Although many cancer patients feel more comfortable with a wig, I don’t think it’s for me. I would feel like I was dressing up for Halloween everyday. I think I’ll opt for the baseball hat or bandana.

Steve and I had the conversation that no couple really wants to discuss but you know that it has to be dealt with sooner or later. Although I remain extremely optimistic about the future, a small part of me just wanted him to know a few things just in case I’m not here. I just feel better knowing that he knows so now I can continue to move forward. Steve says we’ll discuss those things in 40 years time…I know he’s right.

Back to puzzle number two,

me

CLS512M

That’s my new code name at Wellspring. I decided to pay them a visit yesterday. It’s located in downtown London in a two story house…very nice. I was greeted by Kay and Margaret, both volunteers, both in their 70s. Kay was kind enough to give me a tour. She asked me if I was their as a support person or as a cancer patient. I explained that I was a patient. Kay is a two time breast cancer survivor; it was nice to see a breast cancer survivor in person. Kay explained that we would have to be quiet on our tour as there was group meditation going on in one of the rooms. Kay showed me the information room that is filled with pamphlets and brochures on every type of cancer. I’ve picked up several – Clinical Trials, The Breast Cancer Patient Workbook, Guide for Chemotherapy, Guide for Radiation Therapy, Nutrition on Breast Cancer just to name a few. The information room also contains snacks, tea and coffee. (I didn’t notice any hot chocolate.) Our next stop was the library filled with books and videos that you can take out for 3 weeks at a time. Next was the yoga room, massage room then the art therapy room. Everything here is free. The reason for giving people code names is to track how well their services are doing by having people sign up using their code in order to maintain privacy. All in all an interesting place that provides the community with great resources.

I also renewed my health card yesterday. Even at the best of times, my photo ID looks horrid. I thought, I might as well get my picture done now instead of later when perhaps I’ll have no hair. I’d hate to carry that picture around until the next renewal in 2011!

Thinking of you all…Ciao,

me

P.S. Aunt Susie - The kid did get lucky and his face was only slightly pink.

Q & A

I thought I would share with you some of the questions I have been asked since I know if one person was curious then more people probably have the same question.

Q – How are the boys doing?
A – The boys are doing very well. As I mentioned before, they think I have a sore shoulder and haven’t asked too many questions. The odd time they’ll ask why I’m still in my pajamas when they go to school but I just tell them I’m home so my shoulder can heal or as in the case yesterday and today, I was going into work later. For the past week or so, I have been able to pick them up after school which has always been their normal routine so really they haven’t been fazed by the situation. Once we know my chemo regimen, we’ll have to sit down and explain things to them since it is likely that I will look different for a while. Steve and I are still working on the script for that one.

Q – Seeing as so many female singers (Sheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge, Olivia Newton-John etc.) have had breast cancer, do I have a hidden singing talent? (My dad has asked me this question several times.)
A – No…trust me. I will not be the next Canadian Idol.

Q – Do the doctors plan to replace the breast tissue that was removed? (Basically, do I have a big hole in my chest?)
A – No. I really feel that my cancer should be called armpit cancer instead of breast cancer since the tumor and resulting scar is at the base of my armpit. There is a small dent there which I’m told by the doctor is a result of the suction from the squeeze box. It’s really not that noticeable.

Q – How am I doing – mentally?
A – Honestly, I’m doing very well. I’m not trying to suppress any sad or scared feelings. They come every once and a while…last 5 or 10 minutes then I move on. I think the 9 years of going through the CGA program has helped build my mental strength. I cried a lot the day I had all the tests, before I was diagnosed. I found that crying just took up too much of my energy and didn’t leave me any strength to fight. I decided that I’d had enough of that.

Q – Am I going to turn this into a book?
A - Its still very funny to me that people would even suggest that, considering that writing has always been something I’ve struggled with. What I have been tempted to do is send a copy of my blog to my old English teacher with a note saying, “Silver Staple this, buddy!”.

Those are some of the common and interesting questions I’ve been asked so far. If you think of any others, fire them off to me.

All for now,

me

Mr. Lucky

Busy day…busy is good. I managed to get into the office for 3 hours this afternoon and tie up some of those loose ends I was talking about. It was nice to get back into a familiar routine. Another day without daytime TV.

I was corresponding with someone tonight via instant messenger and I won’t name names but its Steve’s, dad’s, brother’s, youngest son. (OK Groves clan, I know you can figure this out.) He said that he had heard I was going to be in the office today so he thought he would drop by 'and thought he might get lucky'. Well, I explained to him that I was a married woman and it just won’t work and there’s at least 15 years between us. Too funny. I can hardly wait to see how red his face gets when he comes into the office tomorrow…if he doesn’t chicken out. (Sorry pal, you walked right into that one.)

Tonight Steve and I met with a woman named Barb who has a business where she comes into your home, cooks 4-5 meals for the week, does light housekeeping and other required tasks. Some very kind friends have arranged for her to come into the house once a week during my treatment to help out. Our meeting was great and I think it will work out very well. Thank you.

Just finishing up my hot chocolate (of which I have been supplied with every possible flavour – thank you) and I’m going to call it a day.

Good night to all,

me

Black Belt

More appointments have been scheduled now. The bone scan has been scheduled for March 22 and the stomach ultrasound has been scheduled for March 24. The referral has also been put in to the Cancer Clinic and I’m just waiting to hear back from the doctor on my appointment time. I forgot to mention earlier that the chest x-ray was clear…another plus. So for now the focus is on recovering from surgery. The range of motion on my right arm is at about 60%. I’ll have to check with the doctor to see if I should have physiotherapy or if the range of motion will come back over time. All in all things are going well.

Some friends were kind enough to send along a care package which included a book of Sudoku puzzles. I thought, 'I‘ve never done a Sudoku puzzle before but I like numbers and I like puzzles…this will be fun'. Well, they didn’t buy me the beginners book, they bought me the “Martial Arts Sudoku: Super Tough Black Belt” book. I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment that they think I’m smart or maybe this is their idea of a sick joke. I’m still working on the first puzzle of 300. I guess this will be good exercise for my brain while I’m off work.

Speaking of work, I’ve decided to go into the office for a few hours on Wednesday and Thursday to tie up some loose ends for my own piece of mind. It will give me an easy break from my Sudoku puzzles.

Later,

me

Food for Thought

Frustration set in on Sunday. I’m a morning person but find that my current energy level prevents me from being as productive as I'd like to be. When I say frustrated, I don’t mean “woe is me”, I mean, pissed off. I was standing in my closet when this pissed off feeling came over me, so I decided to channel that energy into something productive. I bagged up about ¼ of my wardrobe; Steve’s already dropped it off to Goodwill. Gone are the things I couldn’t bear to part with, even though I hadn’t worn them in ages. Whatever. So I guess one positive thing to come out of all of this is I get a new wardrobe. I’ve decided that when I feel that 'pissed off' feeling creeping up again, I will position myself in front of the unpacked boxes left over from our move to this house.

The CBC program on Cancer was on TV last night (CBC Marketplace: Chasing the cancer answer). What an eye opener! 1 in 2.3 men and 1 in 2.6 women will get cancer at some point in their life. When you look at a family of 4, that’s scary. I’ve learned that in Canada, companies are not required to list ingredients on personal care items and household cleaners. In the European Union (EU), they are required to list ingredients and the presence of any carcinogens in the product. In Canada, this is scheduled to happen in November 2006. Some products that are banned in the EU are still on the shelves in Canada. Maybe it’s time to use my British citizenship!?!? The program mentioned two products; Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and Sunlight Laundry Detergent, each of which contain known human carcinogens. Although the respective companies indicated that there were only trace amounts of carcinogens in these products, you have to wonder if using numerous products with these trace amounts of carcinogens actually adds up to a more meaningful amount.

Food for thought,

me

Stretch

Today I got to put my “Mom hat” on. It felt good. Andrew was sick so the two of us spent the day under our blankets, watched “Finding Nemo” and played checkers. It was nice to be the caregiver instead of the care receiver for a change.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Over the next year I’ll probably figure out what the purpose of this obstacle is for me. Maybe it means I’ll get involved in volunteer work with cancer patients. Maybe it means I’ll share my blog with others that come across the same obstacle, in hopes that it may comfort them to read someone else’s story. Part of me has thought of contacting my friends at the UWO Alumni Gazette to put the word out there that breast self exams can really save your life. And I know people know that but, maybe if they could put a story to it then maybe it would bring it all home. I saved my own life. It doesn’t get any better than that.

At this point you’ll have to excuse me while I get off the bus. I need a few days to stretch my legs. I suggest you do the same but don't forget to get back on because a long journey is just ahead.

Enjoy the view,

me

P.S. Where do I come up with this stuff? Maybe I should get a job writing cheesy greeting cards for Hallmark while I’m off work.

And the winner is....

Me. It’s all good. Breathe.

The appointment today was scheduled for 1:45pm but we didn’t get in to see the doctor until 4:20pm…an anxious wait. So where do I begin. The doctor described the tumor as "tiny" - 1cm x 8mm x 7mm – the size of a raisin. It was sitting on the muscle at the top of the breast tissue. When she removed the tumor, she wanted to get a margin of normal tissue surrounding the tumor to make sure it was removed entirely. Because it was sitting on the muscle, she removed a portion of it to be tested as well. The tumor had no vascular system (blood vessels etc.) associated with it which is good news. The muscle specimen was clear – no cancer. From the lymph node dissection, she took 12 nodes, 2 of the 12 nodes were cancerous. The doctor said that 1 – 3 nodes are considered good.

The pathologist also looks at immunohistochemistry which basically test the specimens to see how receptive they are to hormone therapy and chemotherapy. The specimens tested positively which is also good (for those medical people out there – progesterone receptor protein and HER2/neu).

From here I still need to have a bone scan and a stomach ultrasound done, mainly for routine purposes. The surgeon also wants me to have genetic testing done before the radiation. The results of this testing may recommend that a mastectomy should be done in lieu of the radiation. By the end of next week I should have an appointment booked with an oncologist at the London Regional Cancer Center so at the moment I don’t have any details of the chemo regimen.

Steve says he’s going to relax with a martini tonight; I'm just happy that I can use deodorant on my right armpit again.

That’s it in a nutshell. May we all sleep well tonight.

me

Senior Moment

A friend recently gave me the book “LIVESTRONG: Inspirational Stories from Cancer Survivors”. I’ve only read a few of the stories so far but they are inspiring. It is interesting that many of them start out, “I became a cancer survivor MMDDYYYY”, which is actually the day they were diagnosed with cancer. So I guess I’m a member of a new club. The price of membership is steep but the rewards will be felt for years to come.

Speaking of clubs, there’s another one I will probably be joining soon (don’t get your back up against the wall GoodLife people). It’s called Wellspring. It’s a support centre for people living with cancer and their families. My family doctor had told me about it so I decided to try and find the Web site. I went on the City of London Web site and when I entered the search, Wellspring came up in the Seniors section. A little discouraging…I’m not that old! At the moment I have visions of going to Wellspring and playing checkers with the seniors for hours on end. Seriously though, they do seem to have a number of good resources from support groups, massage, yoga etc. Maybe Chris and Andrea can join me instead of going to their “hot yoga” classes. (FYI – hot yoga is a yoga class done in a room with a temperature of a zillion degrees.)

Tomorrow is the day we’ve all been waiting for. Steve has prepared all the questions again. We are cautiously optimistic. Considering that for the most part I feel completely fine, it sometimes boggles my mind that anything could be wrong. We’ll see what tomorrow brings and go forward from there.

Talk to you tomorrow,

me